I should probably just ignore, but wondering if I have (inadvertently) been unreasonable?
DB and his family have come up for the weekend, mainly to see my parents as it is DN's birthday this weekend (tomorrow). Briefly, the reason this involves me in any way is DP's live in house on our land (for various reasons, works for both of us) but don't really have room for DB/SIL and their 3 DCs, and due to my dad's health he does find really busy/noisy house quite tiring. For this reason, on the few occasions they do come for more than the day they all stay with me. DB and I aren't close, long back story. Although lately I have been feeling decidedly sorry for him due to SIL's behaviour... but that's another story.
It was their (DB and SIL) idea to come for the weekend. SIL has been such a pain since she arrived (well, since I arrived to collect them, as neither DB nor SIL drive). When I arrived to collect them, she was really quite rude (ignored me when I said hello, for example), scowled the whole journey (over an hour) and barely said a word. Even to her own children. She barely spoke to anyone on her arrival- pretty much one word answers only and continued in this manner over dinner and until bedtime. It created quite an atmosphere TBH.
No improvement to her mood this morning- I had to go out with the dogs and wanted to do so before it was too warm. DD wanted to ride, so took them out with the dogs. Let them know before we left- they have been here often enough to know where everything is and I did say "help yourself to whatever". Got back to kitchen in a pigsty, annoying but for sake of peace I just cleared it up. Anyway, was chatting to DB and he asked how DC were getting on- quick chat about what they've been up to, good school reports etc. He said similar about his DC. SIL had a few digs about going out so early "no idea why you bother" and "how annoying to have all these animals to look after". I ignored her but otherwise all quite amicable, so I thought.
As weather nice, I thought barbecue might be nice. Asked parents and DB/SIL what they thought- all keen (even SIL seemed to brighten up). We have one of those outdoor permanent BBQ house things (came with house when we bought it) but doesn't often get used much so thought it would be fun. Of course, I don't keep enough burgers etc to feed everyone so I said I was going to go shopping to get everything. SIL asked if she could come- no problem but only popping down to farm shop down the road as don't really want to go into town (quite a lot further). I proceed to go to shop and buy burgers, sausages etc and a few other things that I probably don't need but thought may be nice (gin)/useful for store cupboard.
On the way back in the car SIL got really quite annoyed about the amount I had spent because it's more than she would spend "food for a week". I think it's none of her business and I have never (and don't intend to) ask for a financial contribution towards meals from guests, so really what I spend is not an issue for anyone else. She wouldn't have known if she hadn't asked to come, so it's not like I did it to deliberately rub her nose in it. TBH I didn't even register that it may be a problem. I just said "ok, well sorry you're upset but I don't think I've done anything wrong". She went off in a huff, I've ignored it and carried on.
Now, I've just had a rant from SIL. About everything, and how unfair it is. She has apparently looked up the school fees, how much the last holiday we took must have cost (she didn't get it right) and so on. I don't get it- none of this is new or different from how it has been for a long time. She is still furious that we didn't loan them money recently, apparently (but this is because they have form for not paying back money lent to them). She has somehow learned that I have just bought an expensive thing related to my and DC's hobby (no idea how as I haven't told her or DB anything about it). It was more than they had asked to borrow and she feels that this is insensitive of me to have done so.... I meant, WTF is going on.
What we do with our money has got nothing to do with her. I don't think I rub their noses in it- certainly not deliberately. Some things there is simply no getting away from, we are financially secure and have a good quality of life and it is obviously different from theirs, no hiding it. BUT I have never told her how much anything is or gone on about holidays/cars etc (they aren't that interesting to anyone else). I don't discuss how much anything costs/what I spend on things with anyone really (other than DP) as I think that is rude. So the only way she knows this is to have looked it up herself- but how is that anything to so with me?
I get that she may be upset we wouldn't lend them money, but it wouldn't be a loan, as they never pay it back. Despite their promises. I have written off the money lent to them in the past, but I am not doing it again as I don't like being treated like a mug. It's not really the money, it's the principle. Yes, I can afford to lend it to them but I am not their personal cash machine. And I know that it wouldn't stop at one loan, it would be constant pestering for money (this is what happened after the first episode). So I said no- and would only help again in an absolute emergency (e.g. they were going to be made homeless or something like that).
I can understand that she might not particularly have wanted to come- but it was their suggestion. I suppose it's possible it was DB's ideas, but even so, surely she either makes her excuses and stays at home, or comes and behaves with good grace?
I guess I'm struggling to see why this is a problem now and why she things our finances are any of her business?