To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

Yes you did the right thing. The posters calling you a butter will I hope hang their heads in shame if another situation similar to the Jamie Bulger one arises. It is because of people like them that members of the public are intimidated out of interfering in situations where a child is genuinely in trouble.

Nutter not butter.

Tara - in a public place you can take photos of anyone or anything, children included. On private land the law is different.
This happened on a public street so it would not be illegal to take a photo.

Chances are if an abductor is questioned by a bystander, they're going to let that child go ASAP as they would know that someone has their physical description (and possibly a photo).

Yes. I don't imagine OP accosts every parent of a tantrumming child, but something must have set off her spidey senses with this one. I'd do the same.

ou’re a fucking weirdo. I’d be furious if someone did this to my husband and I guarantee you wouldn’t have done it if it was a woman.

Well, personally, I'd prefer to explain myself than to have my kid get kid napped.

OP, nothing wrong with what you've done.

That was both pointless (because of he was kidnapping her he wouldn't have admitted it) and also unkind (he is probably going to be frightened to go out with her alone for a whole after this, my father often says that he is frightened to take my children out alone incase he is accused of trying to kidnap them). So you were needlessly unkind. If you genuinely thought that the child was in trouble you could have followed them and then called the police if you were still concerned. As it stands you did nothing to help the child.

it's not necessarily intimidation. it's the bystander effect.

And ys, I have carried many a raging child against their will. Like another poster said, it will make someone think twice if they know someone has their description.

Slightly off topic but.... ten years ago, my granddaughter was 3 and having the mother of all tantrums. She had been a little madam for about three weeks (ish)
Her poor mum (my daughter) was beyond the end of her tether as was I.
I was “carrying” her out of the theatre, (we had taken her to her first
panto) and some woman told me “I made her uncomfortable “ I tell you I damn near ripped her a new arsehole. (I have felt bad since, but honestly I was not in the mood for her faux compassion)
Massive difference between a tot playing up and testing boundaries and a child being kidnapped by a stranger.

Still, good on you for caring, I guess it could have been another Maddie McCann.

You did the right thing - more people should be less trustworthy

To the posters calling the op a nutter what do you think the people who ignored a distressed James bolger should have done
Do you agree that it was right that no one intervened? Will you even answer this question?

I’d like to thank you for asking too OP, and hopefully when that man has time to reflect, he’d be grateful to you too for showing some concern for his child.

THIS

No, you did nothing wrong in my eyes. Sure, it was most likely harmless, but actually look at the many times when horrible things have happened to children and people have always wished they'd been more vigilant and questioned things.

I think you did the right thing. Lots of witness of the time when Jamie Bulger was being taken and was crying said they wish they had said something or asked the boys what they were doing.

But she didn't intervene. She in fact did nothing that would actually help the child if in fact they were in danger. She could have called the police and followed the man with the child whilst speaking to police.

It is bizarre that people are referring to MM and Sarah Payne, which were abductions with no witnesses. No one missed any opportunities and no one had a chance to intervene.

imagine it was your kid. I would have done the same, wish we all would. Even if you're 99% sure I would still rather check that 1% and be happy.

I literally abducted a friends daughter from the park and no one batted an eyelid! Friend popped to shop and asked me to take her child with mine to x location 100 yards down the road while she shopped and caught us up. I went to the child and said 'mummys said you should come with me' then picked him up and took him. If course the child knows me but gave no outward sign of that, I was shocked no one questioned it tbh. I think op is right to notice, what if she's been oblivious and then heard on news later a child had been abducted?!

wildsummer I’m happy to think there are people like you in the world, having the guts to take time and effort to check. Media and public are very keen to take a shot at uncaring society yet when people do have the courage to move past social embarrassment and ask basic safeguarding questions they get shot down as being too cautious. I’d always be happier to answer a reasonable question than to think someone would have seen a screaming child carried off but not stopped to query the situation. You did a good thing, m’dear.

YANBU.

"To the posters calling the op a nutter what do you think the people who ignored a distressed James bolger should have done
Do you agree that it was right that no one intervened"

But somebody did intervene, didn't they, in the Bulger case in exactly the same way as the OP did, by asking the question. It made absolutely no difference. The bystander effect didn't make a difference.

I don't think you're nuts. If something struck you as not right and you didn't challenge them then saw the girl on the news, how would you feel? As a parent, I wouldn't be offended if someone stopped me to check on my hysterical child. Yes, children tantrum but surely better safe than sorry. How would any of you feel if your child was taken and it transpired that they had been screaming and fighting the whole way and no one had so much as said "hold on, are you her mum/dad? Honey, do you know him/her?" because "children tantrum." and they didn't want to look a nutter or talk to a child they don't know.

Or if they were stopped in the act, would you be annoyed at someone talking to your child or just think "Thank God someone noticed that something wasn't right." Better a few hundred false alarms and irritated parents than even one child slipping through unnoticed imo.

Beauty That was my point exactly. Also, OP watched them walk away 'for bit' before taking the photo. It must have been a photo of the back of their heads.
"tingly Spidey senses' is utter nonsense. If you're concerned ring the police.

It was many years ago but if you Google ‘Adelaide Oval abduction’ you’ll find the very sad story of two girls (aged 11 and 4) who disappeared. They were last seen with the 4yo being carried by a man, and the 11yo kicking, slapping and punching him. A few people saw them. That was in 1973 and the girls have never been seen since.

That bystander asked a mild question sn d wasn't in a position to take a photograph. What is your advice if one of is in a position where we are worried about a child's safety but doesn't want to be branded a butter by someone like you?

That question was to Cory and should have read mutter not butter.