To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

The world's gone mad. Op had a bad feeling and she checked, no harm in that and no reasonable parent would object because they would understand why.

You did the right thing. The child could have been being abducted, in which case your photo would have been valuable evidence.

If he hadn't been her dad how many people would have criticised you for doing nothing?

If it is the parent then there's no harm done really 🤷🏻‍♀️ holding someone up for a minute is not the end of the world

The thing is, someone stealing a child doesn’t tend to draw attention to themselves do they? Aren’t most abductions done very quietly and slyly? Children tend to be led away rather than snatched? I have nothing to base this on by the way so I’m happy to be corrected. Just all the abduction cases I’ve heard about have never mentioned the child screaming down a high street... anyone else?

my 3/4 year old boy would sit in the trolly or buggy and whisper help me to passers by.

not one person stopped the poor boy.

I do think it's a bit over the top tbh. I personally would have left them to it, you should hear my 2 yo sister scream when she can't have an icecream. However, when I was 10 some creep made a halfhearted attempt to kidnap me - so I can appreciate your concern.

I agree with Caribbeanyesplease . I think you, like me have heard of incidents locally to make us a little more suspicious. Nothing wrong with being observant, children do go missing and bad things do happen, that's life.

I think you did the right thing OP. it always surprises me when people won't approach anyone. The sad thing is children are abducted all the time. A young girl of 6 years old was abducted near me about 4 days ago by a 16 year old boy, she was raped and murdered. She had been staying with her grandparents for a few weeks of the holidays.

the OP would nt have done this if the so called abductor had been a woman, just another example of the gender bias men who try to be decent parents and do the difficult side of parent are subjected too.

*parenting

What a bunch of nutters are replying on this thread! As pp have pointed out, men are far more likely than women to be involved in abduction, so it's not "sexist" to approach a man in this instance. I think you absiolutely did the right thing - even if you did let him go on with the kid, if (worst case scenario) as least now he knows his face has been seen and you'll remember him.

Would people really be so viciously angry at someone checking on the safety of a child that they think the OP is crazy or "swing" for them? I'd have hoped people would be glad to know that passersby care about the welfare of strangers' children.

cmlover
I find that quite concerning that not one person actually stopped to see if your little boy actually needed help.

I have seen a few things that I think look dodgy. I always hang arpund to make sure that I am just being silly. I have discretely followed a few, because if I was to witness something like this and do nothing and it turned out something terrible happened to the child then I would never forgive myself.

I’m amazed you’re getting such a hard time quite frankly.

If you’d posted “OMG you know that child that was abducted? I saw it happen and didn’t want to get involved” there’d have been 129,000 replies along the lines of “I’d definitely have intervened” and “Hiw could you have ignored a screaming child?!” 🙄

You did the right thing. You should feel proud x

just another example of the gender bias men who try to be decent parents and do the difficult side of parent are subjected too.

Oh yes, the poor men, always getting the raw deal.

And yes if I was carrying my tantrumming toddler and someone asked me if he was mine I’d probably snap at them in the heat if the moment. However, later I’d have appreciated their concern.

Please don't ever move to the coast, for the ske of your own sanity. At least 50% of the young children being dragged away from the beach to go home are screaming, kicking and resisting at the end of a hot day!

Well done OP. You bravely stepped in to help a child you thought may be in trouble. I applaud you for that. It takes guts. Too many would avert their eyes and scuttle past not wanting to get involved.

You shpuld watch the film "room" it's a film 4 production I'm sure. At the end if it wasn't for a passer by taking a screaming little boy seriously he would never have escaped. I know this film is fiction but it does happen.

Absolutely you did the right thing. If their own child was being kidnapped, I'm sure many of the horrible people on this thread would be the first to complain that they weren't stopped.

It doesn't hurt to follow your instincts when you think of the possible outcomes. A kidnapper who has been stopped and obviously seen with a child may abandon that particular attempt so it is worth doing. And of course you are right to be more suspicious of men because they are more likely to commit this type of crime.

Proving you're the parent is usually very easy in this day and age with mobile phones. We should all look out for each other and create a culture where someone snatching a child cannot count on everyone making the easiest assumption and looking the other way.

I agree if more people did this it might result in less children being taken.

If enough people do this harm is done.

I am a white woman, my oldest son is bi-racial and now 44 yrs old. For many years we lived in an area of the U.S. which was basically 100% white. (It was also was very rare anywhere in the U.S. to see interracial couples at the time). When my son was a child we got stalked and harassed by busy bodies which I have concluded was a very bad thing for him.

An example; If I was telling my son off, no matter how discreetly, we would be approached by women telling me things such as to “leave that little boy alone”. They thought I was just some racist woman having a go at a little black boy whom I happened to come across alone in a public place. Out shopping or in a cafe while he was standing close to me, not seeing a black woman in the area often women would start shouting out things such as ‘where is this child’s mother’ ’this poor is in here alone’. It was awful!

There was a bad accident once but when I tried to be near my son and comfort him while he was being questioned/examined by paramedics/police I was ordered to ‘get away’ & ’stop interfering’. Being in shock I walked away to sit on the curb. A few moments later the police captain who had told me to leave my son alone approached me and asked where my son’s mother was. I told him “I am his mother” and that’s when it occurred to him he had really fucked up and that I needed attention as well. Nobody expected a white woman to be the mother to a brown child.

My son, growing up witnessing people telling me to leave him alone and to allow him to do anything he wanted, decided I was obviously a bad mum who needed to be kept in line by total strangers.

My second marriage was to a white man and nobody ever interfered in my parenting of the son we had together.

of course they boys who abducted James lied but if somebody had been more persistent and less concerned about looking rather silly , things may have been different.

I haven't rtft yet but local to me in the past week a girl (6) was picked up and carried away from her garden by a neighbour. People saw. He killed her. I don't know the details because I don't want to but I don't think you are a nutter.

YANBU, but it's so hard to know what the best way is to check it's all kosher.

My parents say that when my sister was little she used to have tantrums in the supermarket and my Dad would carry her out screaming "Mummmmmyyyyy! I want my Mummmmyyyyy....!". They were always slightly uncomfortable that no-one ever challenged him.

But as someone up thread pointed out, actual abductions are probably pretty quiet. So most screaming, kicking children are probably just playing up. Probably.

I've often wondered what I'd do in that situation. I'm still not sure.