To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

Also why have a lot of people made the assumption that OP does this on a regular basis, clearly they stated that they thought something about this was off. Sounds like they have never done this before. Also you have no proof OP is a woman, could very well be a man.

jasjas1973

Also said "or when they need help" but you conveniently forgot about that bit.

re phoning the non emergency police number, I recently observed the beginnings of an ugly confrontation between 2 adults. Everybody else pretended absolutely nothing was happening. I phoned the police and waited for a very long time, no reply.

You definitely did the right thing and more people should. I was always told to shout" this is not my mum" or "this is not my dad " if anyone took me and I will reach my DS the same, it's just a shame that in these days I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid. I just think people are too scared to be seen to be getting involved in other people business.
I say crack on and get involved...I would not be offended if someone stooped me and asked me.
I would prefer to look stupid and potentially save a kid than see them on tv and say I seen them being taken and didn't do a thing.....but at least I didn't look like a nutter !!!

Of you were in doubt op then it's good to make someone aware that people notice. Jamie Bulger would be alive today had people who had doubts at the time intervened. Posters querying if you would ask a woman the same. The vast majority of child kidnappers are men so it's not unrealistic to be more aware of men.

Honest to god, if anyone ever heard me trying to cut my daughter's toenails when she was 3 they'd have assumed I'd kidnapped her and was torturing her... small kids can be mega melodramatic and act like they're being dragged to their deaths because the last bit of their ice lolly fell on the floor or they were too small to go on a fairground ride!

@Metoodear no wonder men won't go into teaching??
My DD is 9, her teacher is Male. Her teacher last year was Male and her teacher next year is , yes,Male!

Yes children do act like that these days because parents seem to have no control over their children and children think it's ok to have a full blown tantrum about sweet FA.

Oh yeah, two year olds having a tantrum is definitely a modern thing [sarcasm]

I was once stopped from leaving a supermarket with a tantrumming child until they’d checked cctv to make sure I’d come in with her.

It was the type you see yourself on the screen as you go in, luckily she liked to stop and wave at the cameras, so they were happy she was with me.

Nope not a modern thing but a lot more common now, due to the fact that parents can't win. If you don't give your child into trouble then people look at you with disgust that you are allowing a child to behave like this. If you do, you are the devil for getting angry or giving them a telling off.

Children have always tantrumed, they're just not assaulted if they do anymore.

I wonder if I'd interfere or not really, definitely if I'd hear the child saying that's not my mum/ dad but I'm not sure otherwise, neither have I ever had to make the call.

Cross post.

I don't entirely disagree with your viewpoint tbf, sorry if I came across a grumpy sod.

Missing point of thread here, but this is one of the few reasons I keep my 3.5yr old on long reins in public  What a world 

CheshireChat,
That's ok, and just for the record I don't assault my children into behaving.

When James Bulger was killed, people assumed two kids couldn't possibly mean harm to a smaller child.
Whilst rare, children have been snatched within yards of their own homes.
It's not batshit crazy to question the man.

Very uncomfortable yes, but rather that than read of a child found dead because everybody just assumed...

You did the right thing OP. Another poster here who is reminded of that poor baby Jamie Bulger.

I wish it could be standard practice for people to stop and query adults with frightened/upset children. The awful consequences of not doing so should make it a common practice.

For everyone saying OP is crazy etc, if God forbid your child ever were in the horrible position of being abducted wouldn’t you be forever grateful to the ‘nutty’ OP for stopping them??

Totally off point here but... my best friend was really, really drunk one night & her boyfriend had to carry her home, fireman style. Enroute a police car pulled up & the policeman asked her if she knew this man ....she said no 🙈😂😂😂

I agree that children have tantrums and we can't assume all adults are stealing children. However I think there is a lot to be said for gut instinct and I'd rather follow my gut and look silly than not and hear later something dreadful has happened.

I think OP it was fine to trust your instinct and the worst outcome was the man had an odd conversation with you. No harm done.

This makes me actually really sad that a child could be snatched, be kicking and screaming and not a soul would do anything. Oh and I say this as the parent of a 3 year old who regularly has meltdowns and she screams "help me" which does draw looks but no action!

Genuine question to those saying it was the wrong thing to do - what have you taught your children to do if they were to be grabbed by a stranger? (and yes, I am aware that most cases of abuse etc are carried out by family members/people known to the family).

My own children are now grown up, but I remember the tantrum phase very well indeed. My daughter never once threw a tantrum, she was a little sweetheart. My son was an absolute nightmare during the terrible twos, but is now a well educated and successful lawyer, so being a really awful kid didn't hold him back in life.

Our children were born in 1980s and early 1990s. Back in the day, if someone had expressed concerns, I would have honestly thanked them for taking an interest and explained the situation. The James Bulger case was a perfect example of people who could have intervened turning away.

what have you taught your children to do if they were to be grabbed by a stranger?

At three years old I had taught her nothing of the sort. To her the world was entirely safe and I controlled her environment to ensure it stayed that way until she was a bit older.

blimey. sometimes gut instinct makes you check. assuming you dont go round questioning everyone and taking photos, you should listen to your gut instinct.
eg little one trailing behind family group, perfectly normal. gut instinct says they look nice, why arent they holding a 2 year olds hands? because she doesnt belong to them and doesnt know she has followed them out of the park along a road.
if gut instinct speaks bloody well listen to it.

I would be pleased if someone stopped me and asked if the child was ask mine. I wouldn’t be offended at all.It would make me feel better that perhaps someone would notice if my child were ever taken.
You did no harm. You didn’t post his pic on social media and accuse him of anything, so what harm is there?
Better to care than not.

Has there ever been a case of a predatory paedophile being seen carrying a flailing screaming child openly through the streets? Not to mention that the vast majority of abuse is within families so leaving her with her dad might have been the less safe thing to do.