To ask this man if this child is his daughter?

[wildsummerdreams]

I just saw a man carrying a child (she 3-4) against her will. She was throwing a tantrum and trying to free herself. It would seem like a normal scene if you have kids, but I could not help but think the worst, so I followed them and ask him if he was her dad. He stopped (good sign) looked at me and when he realised what I was thinking, told me to not be ridiculous. I asked the child directly if that was her dad, but she kept on crying. Then they wen off and he continue to carry her against her will. I watched them for a bit and took a picture of them just in case. Please tell me I'm not a total nutter and what would you have done or what to do if something like this happens.

The girl didn't have any shoes on and they were crossing Kentish Town high street.

My husband was once carrying my son out of a garden centre, he was having a full meltdown (he is autistic) and trying to run away from him. I saw a woman watch them who was clearly deciding whether to intervene or not. I shouted to my husband to ask him if he needed any help to make it clear it was a family situation not a kidnapping situation.

Although it's not ideal for my husband to be viewed as a potential kidnapper the bottom line is she is was looking out for my son and I appreciate that. Having to explain to someone what's going on while dealing with a meltdown is always going to make things harder but I would always prefer people being more cautious that less. Stranger kidnappings are incredibly rare particularly those involving force rather the using a ruse but they do happen. I would prefer to be inconvenienced continually on the off chance it would prevent something like that happening.

With regard to Jamie Bulger he was only happy to go with Thompson and Venables initially, as they walked further way he became visually distressed. A women did stop the group to enquire about his welfare. The boys said they had found him lost and were taking him the police station so she let them continue.

Yes boss I have s brain and that brain is telling me that you're rude, aggressive and confrontational while failing to make any intelligent points.

If that had been my child being kidnapped, I'd be ecstatic with hope if I learned that someone had a photo of the abductor.

The existence of a photo might cause an abductor to rethink continuing with their plan.

In this event, the op becomes a hero. And how do you decide if it's going to be that or not? Is she crazy because he wasn't or a hero because he might have been?

I think you're very brave to ask and stuff the people who say you are a nutter. Maybe they haven't got any social conscience...

It is a very sad world. A few years ago I was on holiday and we took the kids to the hotel play park. Two brothers around 6 and 7 years old had been put in charge of taking their 2/3 year old sister to the park on their own while mummy and daddy were in the hotel having a lovely wee dinner. The little girl had a fall and hurt herself badly. There were 5 adults in the park including me and my partner. I was the only one who was brave enough to go and help and comfort the little girl. Her brothers ran away and left her to get the parents. The other adults looked at her as though they were terrified to go near her while this tiny little girl was breaking her heart and in a lot of pain. I couldn't quite believe it.

I think you were brave too. I probably wouldn't have said anything but sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct. I presume you don't go up to every tantruming child you see, something obviously didn't sit right with you. Yes it is rare for children to be abducted and killed, it's not as rare for them to be assaulted or hurt. Better to be safe than sorry.

A friend of the McCanns said she thought she saw a man carrying a little girl away that matched Maddie’s description. It doesn’t bloody well hurt anyone to check. Who gives a shit if someone is offended at being questioned? Hardly the worst possible outcome in a potential kidnapping situation. Get a grip all you professionally offended snowflakes. I’d bloody well want someone looking out for my children.

I taught my children that, if they were ever stolen, they should yell "You're not my mummy/daddy".

I was once hesitant to touch a girl of about 11 in a swimming pool who I wasn’t sure was messing about or in danger.

I did grab her and I’m glad I did because she was drowning.

Those moments where I dithered still bother me.

I think you did the right thing and don't listen to others on here saying you were hysterical. I think rather than confronting them, it may have been better to have followed them and call the police if you became more suspicious

to be fair to the OP, I actually was on the receiving end of the "is this your mummy" question twice this week!

the first time was carrying my son out of his induction afternoon at his new school when a childminder/Nanny (I only say this as I am local and didn't recognise them) stopped us to ask what the matter was as I had to carry DS kicking and screaming out of his new classroom.

The 2nd time happened in our local town today. DS had a meltdown (partly due to the heat/ partly due to the fact he was tired) but we were questioned by a total stranger when I carried him out of the toilets of all places as to who I was.

Fortunately my DS responded both times to this with "that's mummy you wally!"

But I actually thanked both people who stopped us to ask the question.

My DS (4) has a tendency to follow people no matter how much we talk about "stranger danger"or what could happen and I would like to think that I would do the same in that situation.

But until you have been there like @wildsummerdreams has the you never know, especially if the "just in case" happens. And who wants to be that person that says 'I could have done something'.

I am thankful that people I don't know are always looking out for DS. That's the childhood I had (especially in a small village and people looked out for you) and the childhood I hope he has to.

@wildsummerdreams thank you for doing what you did today, as a mother I am grateful that there are people like you that I don't know who are making sure my DS is safe!

Bit sad really that that was your first thought. I know decent young men who won't approach a child in distress for fear of being accused of something indecent. Very sad. Couldn't you have asked the guy if he was ok or needed help or just made some joke about how we've all been there. If you had asked my DP if he was my DS's Dad he'd have told you you needed glasses!

wildsummerdreams I really hope you're reassured that you did the right thing and won't be put off from intervening in future by some of the posters on here who seem to feel that everyone should live in a bubble and show no concern for anyone else. The majority of posters are grateful that there are still concerned and courageous people like you around who try to keep our children safe

You absolutely did the right thing. This is the problem with society...people are afraid to look silly so they just keep quiet.

a man has stopped me and asked me if everything was ok during a asmall boy autistic meltdown.

better to ask than not wask even though it was a little annoying. if ds had been being kidnapped by someone else I would have wanted them to ask.

Probably about 30yrs ago now my then bf and I witnessed a guy dragging a boy off his bike as he screamed and into the back,garden of a house

I took note of the door number and reported it to the police, they went straight round and indeed he was the kids dad. He did tell the officers to thank me though because at least someone was looking out for his lad.

During my child protection training every year, since the little Victoria case they have always said. If in doubt shout.

It's better to be wrong than turn a blind eye.

SugarIsAmazing
Good for your dad. I would hope more people did this.

MsMotherOfDragons
That Will be true of children who are being abused or trafficked but that's not what the OP thought was going on. Children who are being abducted are probably likely to put up a fight or be distressed. I always teach my children that if anyone shpuld ever try and take them away they should scream "help that's not my mum/dad" it's concerning that I'm telling my children this but a lot of people would ignore them if they were to witness them doing this.

Those that say the OP didn't take it far enough to make a difference make a valid point, one to consider.

Those who say the OP is a nutter who should never have blinked an eye at the situation, never mind get involved... I really hope none of you are ever the ones my daughters turn to in an emergency, after an accident, or when they need help.

Your a nutter and I hope you make sure none of your male friends or family ever interact with children because by your logic they could be kidnappers. Typical mumsnet double standard.

I've had to do this many times with a toddler. No one has ever asked me if I am her parent, maybe it's because I am female

What would have been the ‘right’ response? An abductor won’t say I’m not his parent. A parent will be trying to get on with it.

BossPeeBeePee

You are am absolute idiot. People have given examples of this exact situation happening and you are laughing and saying that it's never happened. What a dick!

I did this once at the park (years ago) when a woman was making a roundabout go much too fast and the little girl was screaming, “Stop!” I asked the girl who the woman was and she said her auntie. I still wasn’t happy about it so called the police. The woman was her auntie but had taken the girl without the mother knowing and they’d been looking for her. The auntie had mental health issues and was sectioned.
Please, always interfere if you’re concerned.

I really hope none of you are ever the ones my daughters turn to in an emergency, after an accident, or when they need help

There is a world of difference between a parent dealing with a screaming toddler and a child who has been involved in an accident.