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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children in child-free complex - WIBU?

208 replies

Iltavilli · 06/07/2018 21:07

We live in a complex of flats where children are not allowed to live. A neighbour (not sure which) has regular visitors who bring children. One of the children is a toddler and rings our entry system bell as it is the lowest on the pad. They allow him to do this and simply say “sorry it’s a child”, they don’t discourage his behaviour. They also allow the children to play around the meticulously maintained and non-child-friendly landscaped gardens. This is a “naice” area, and we pay a premium to live in a child-free complex. AIBU to complain?

OP posts:
wildbhoysmama · 07/07/2018 08:31

I wonder if I can live in

MorningsEleven · 07/07/2018 08:34

How do you tell a random passerby’s child free status, I wonder?

They're dripping in cash, have no bags under their eyes and look happy.

wildbhoysmama · 07/07/2018 08:37

I wonder if I can live in a senior- free zone? Perhaps then there wouldn't be people mowing lawns at fecking 8am on a Saturday (my only long lie of the week!) or shouting loudly to each other about their various ailments RIGHT outside my open bedroom window ( damn this heat!). Then later they'll look disapprovingly at my 3 DC having fun on the trampoline- especially my autistic / adhd DS who they regard as' too loud'.
Give me kids laughing and having fun any day.

tinytemper66 · 07/07/2018 08:37

Can OP answer the question about what would happen if a resident of her child free apartment block became pregnant?

eddielizzard · 07/07/2018 08:38

OMG can I live there too please? I promise I won't bring my children. I'll see them outside the gate.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/07/2018 08:39

I've spent the morning googling "arsehole-free housing". No joy so far

blahblah999 · 07/07/2018 08:48

I live in an apartment complex where people, usually people who have just moved in, occasionally stretch the rules in the lease to their limit (we have clauses about building works, use of the lift etc). The way things get dealt with is that any issues are passed directly to the management company who usually send out an email reminding everyone exactly what the rules are and reminding everyone to be considerate of each others needs.

It might seem a bit passive aggressive to just let the management company deal with it but it also avoids uncomfortable situations where Sally in Flat 5 interprets the clause about noise from building works as not covering a bit of heavy DIY and Shelia in flat 6 has a different opinion.

Mumminmum · 07/07/2018 08:51

why are people so baffled about the child free housing? When we were looking for a house to rent here in the UK a third of the houses we were interested in would neither allow children nor pets.

Children tend to be more noisy and more damaging to the interior of the houses than adults. I love my children, but can totally understand why someone don't want to let their house out to people with children and that some people want to live in child free housing complex.

And yes, I am aware that some grown ups are noisy too. One of my best friends lived in an apartment, where the old couple several floors down liked to listen to the radio while they had their breakfast. They were partially deaf and the breakfast was at 6 AM. They woke her up every morning for years.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 07/07/2018 08:55

Oh @BitOutOfPractice, if you find it, let me know. I’ll meet you there.

  1. no smoking (weed or fags) in communal areas
  2. no loud music and no shit music, (any Sheeran and you’re out on your arse)
  3. anyone who sneerily refers to parents as “child producers” gets the flat directly above the crèche Grin. Kidding, kidding. That would never happen in our utopia. People who sneerily refer to parents as child producers wouldn’t be allowed in at all mwaha!

Anything else?

pinkyredrose · 07/07/2018 08:56

tiny they'd have to move obviously. Not that hard to work out surely.

Pengggwn · 07/07/2018 09:00

pinkyredrose

I'd like to see that stand up in court.

tempester28 · 07/07/2018 09:01

I too do not understand why people are upset by this - it is simply about free choice. I am wondering about the people these children are visiting - I assume they too have chosen to live in a child free complex!

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 07/07/2018 09:01

I am wondering about the people these children are visiting - I assume they too have chosen to live in a child free complex!

Me too tbh. But has the op clarified if children are allowed to visit? Sorry if I’ve missed it.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/07/2018 09:33

My DM lives in a retirement flat. Before buying it she had to be "interviewed" to ensure she was medically fit to live there (I assume they were mainly checking her mental capacity). The "interview" was really just a chat with the house manager but I assume if the house manager had any concerns then she could have put a block on the purchase. I also assume that if any resident's health becomes such a concern that the house manager doesn't feel that they are safe to live there anymore, they can be asked to leave.

Most retirement flats only allow people over 55/60 to live there, so pregnancy in theory should not be an issue.

DS(13) visits DM, sometimes dropping in to see her on the way home from school. There is no problem with that, but I am sure something would be said eg if he bought his mates round and played football in the communal garden.

Iceweasel · 07/07/2018 09:45

I am wondering about the people these children are visiting - I assume they too have chosen to live in a child free complex!
They may have been looking for housing and the complex appealed because it was new, in a nice area, had a pool and so on. They see 'no children', and think 'that's fine, we don't have kids' because they are young professionals who are not planning kids yet, or older adults where their kids are over 18 at uni, or have families of their own. They are not necessarily living there because they don't want to be around children.

Iceweasel · 07/07/2018 09:48

I am sure something would be said eg if he bought his mates round and played football in the communal garden.
If the residents don't want ball sports in the garden then this should be a rule, over 55s can play with balls too.

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2018 09:59

I’m saying that childfree complexes are ridiculous in principle but obviously you don’t like kids (what brought you to mumsnet then) so have a word with your neighbours about it then.

I'm happy with the idea of child-free complexes for those who want them (seriously considering one).

I've had my children and when I've finished child-minding DGC why shouldn't I be able to live somewhere peaceful?

ememem84 · 07/07/2018 10:17

My apartment block wanted to ban children. Which would have seriously limited our sales market. And dramatically reduced the sales value.

Where I am landlords cannot say no children. However a lot of them get round this by either telling families they have already found a tenant or just increasing the rent.

When my building was considering the no kids thing I asked how this would be enforced. Initially the management said we’d have to sell. I pointed out that they couldn’t make an owner sell their apartment. If it was me I’d put it on market for a ridiculous price and decline viewings.

I do know some people who live in blocks which have a compulsory purchase clause where there is also a no kids clause. I mentioned this to management and other owners at the meeting. Funnily enough none of the other owners were willing to agree to buy another owners apartment should that owner get pregnant and have a child....

Digressing but no kids is absolutely a thing.

HeckyPeck · 07/07/2018 10:31

The next time the child rings your buzzer just shout 'FUUUUUUCK TITS WANK ARSEHOLE' through the intercom.

They'll soon stop.

Grin that was going to me my suggestion too. So rude to let them continuously press your buzzer. Shit parenting skills there!

WTFnnoh · 07/07/2018 10:34

I can’t believe the people who are up in arms about the concept of child free housing. I would love to live in a place like that. Some people do not want the energy, noise and mess that usually accompanies kids and what’s wrong with that?? There’s far too much of an attitude of worshiping kids these days. Adults need spaces that are just for them too. I get very tired of everywhere I go I have to listen to a screaming child—grocery store, restaurant, movie theatre. Hell, I climbed a mountain the other week and what did I find at the top—a screaming child. I’m not exaggerating. There are plenty of places children are allowed to live. Just let adults who want some peace in their lives have a space for them. What exactly is wrong with that??

ineedaholidaynow · 07/07/2018 10:40

Iceweasel not sure if there is such a policy, but DM's block of flats are geared more to the 80/90s market rather than 55s, so the gardens are much more for quiet enjoyment, so flower beds and seating areas, so a no ball games policy probably hasn't been considered! So I would not allow DS to play football in the gardens as it would not be considerate at all.

In the flats they have various social activities which take place in the communal lounge, one of which is the Uno group. DS loves playing Uno, and is in fact teaching DM how to play just in case she wants to join in this group. Now it might be possible that this group wouldn't mind if DS joined in, but only if DM was playing. It would certainly not cross my mind that DS could bring his mates along and they set up a few tables and play Uno by themselves in the communal lounge. You need to be considerate of the other residents.

bellinisurge · 07/07/2018 10:41

One of my US relatives lives in a similar zone. Grandkids and junior relatives can visit and even stay short periods but you respect the area and don't be a pain in the arse. Which is what this child is being allowed to be.
Complain. They may be breaching the terms of their contract.

LighthouseSouth · 07/07/2018 11:50

this is such good news in a way - I really didn't think these places existed outside the US and my understanding was that they were vanishing there.

and it looks like we might get into similar home earlier than I thought we could if the age goes down as low as 45? Wow.

OP I hope you get this solved but can't thank you enough for starting this thread!

TeaStory · 07/07/2018 12:02

YANBU

Lalalala3 · 07/07/2018 12:10

An apartment complex that bans children from living there sounds unreasonable to me

I'm very confused about all the people that think banning children is unreasonable. Loads of landlords won't rent to families anyway!!