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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children in child-free complex - WIBU?

208 replies

Iltavilli · 06/07/2018 21:07

We live in a complex of flats where children are not allowed to live. A neighbour (not sure which) has regular visitors who bring children. One of the children is a toddler and rings our entry system bell as it is the lowest on the pad. They allow him to do this and simply say “sorry it’s a child”, they don’t discourage his behaviour. They also allow the children to play around the meticulously maintained and non-child-friendly landscaped gardens. This is a “naice” area, and we pay a premium to live in a child-free complex. AIBU to complain?

OP posts:
fieryginger · 07/07/2018 01:09

Yanbu.

hotsouple · 07/07/2018 01:09

Ooh @Iceweasel you are gonna get so much shit. I have no children and am american and am here because its the most female friendly forum online I've ever found.

LuluJakey1 · 07/07/2018 01:15

We pay a premium to live where we do and over the years have had lots of childless couples stop and stare and point at what we are doing in the garden for our kids
That happened! Hmm

Bicyclethief · 07/07/2018 01:17

Child free Confused

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/07/2018 01:18

Grin. How do you tell a random passerby’s child free status, I wonder? Maybe they wear badges. Or have a tattoo across their forehead.
And yes, the mind boggles at the Shrine to Children in the front garden!

BitOutOfPractice · 07/07/2018 03:38

Where did u insult you? I said your opening post was joyless. And you certainly have a very...how shall I put this...formal posting style. But hey ho, take offence if you like.

I wonder how this "no children allowed" rule is enforced? Do they evict women who get pregnant?

I'm assuming you're not in the UK.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/07/2018 03:43

Sorry I've read now that you are in the UK

So what's your question? Can't quite tell from the op

Somtamthai · 07/07/2018 06:14

Why is it unreasonable to have child free places? Is it any wonder society today is so entitled.

This complex is not for children, so if you want to visit children either control them or go to the park!

Last time I was in the U.K. I took DD to the park - only 1 kid. I went to the pub as an adult (without DD because pubs are not for kids imo). Full of kids in a sunny Saturday afternoon. All sitting on iPads, take your kid to the park!

When did we lose the ability to say no to children, to teach them manners, to instil a sense of don’t annoy people! The op doesn’t sound miserable.

If she’d bought a house next to a school, or park, and was moaning then I’d agree.

However she bought a house in a child free complex!

Sorry OP for the rant. You’re not unreasonable, I wouldn’t complain about the visiting, but I’d be complain about the buzzer and garden for sure!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2018 06:22

Regina
Of course op has a voice as a resident on the complex as a whole. Her flat is so expensive precisely because it includes access to beautiful manicured areas unsuitable for children.

DeadGood · 07/07/2018 06:26

“you certainly have a very...how shall I put this...formal posting style.”

What an odd comment!

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 07/07/2018 06:34

Presumably there is some management team who run the place. Speak to them. There are plenty of retirement places who have these rules. The person who lives there who allows the children in is in the wrong. If they want children running around they need to move.

Not everyone wants to sit in the garden and have children running around screaming if they specifically chose a child free apartment complex

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/07/2018 06:34

Why is it unreasonable to have child free places?

Depends on the reason for them, but generally it is unreasonable to ban the powerless from places unless it is to protect them. Otherwise it is, pretty much by definition, an exercise in privilege.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 07/07/2018 06:38

Have you spoken to the neighbour? If so, and that was unsuccessful then go to the management company.

Keep a written note of events. Have any other residents said anything?

If it’s like the retirement village my mum lived in there were rules about no children overnight. There were however regular meetings between management and staff. I’d suspect that there are also rules about quiet use and enjoyment.

And yes, as a PP suggested, it took ages to sell after she died as the pool of potential buyers was so small.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2018 06:38

BoomBoom
Upmarket wine bars, spas etc often ban children under 18. It’s not to protect the children. It’s so the clientele can enjoy an adult environment. This is an extension of that concept. The way your post is written you’d think op is living in a safe zone and children are being forced to live outside of that.

Shoxfordian · 07/07/2018 06:47

No you're not unreasonable to complain

It might help if any of your other neighbours are similarly bothered by the kids in the garden so you could make a few discreet enquiries but you should definitely complain

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2018 06:48

Wine bars and spas aren't necessary. Housing is. Which is why in N America there are over 55 buildings for seniors but it is illegal to disallow children in other housing (Human Rights Act). Otherwise what's to stop landlords all deciding children ruin housing and ban them everywhere?

Cismyass · 07/07/2018 06:50

Can't you put a sign on the front door saying 'Children will be caught and sold into slavery' or somesuch OP?

smallpinkdots · 07/07/2018 06:54

YANBU

The parents shouldn't be letting the child ring the buzzer child free complex or not.

And they could take them to the park.

For people saying they didn't know you could have child free complexes there's lots of block of flats which are unsuitable for children in London and don't allow children under ten.

I lived in a block like this. It was council housing too and if you got pregnant they moved you. Hth.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/07/2018 06:56

“Safezone”? I don’t really know what you mean by that.

I think banning young children from spas could be a safety issue. Children above around age 12 I don’t think it’s really any different than having White only spaces - it’s banning a set of people so others can feel more comfortable. It’s kind of vile.

Wine bars and other places that might be considered “pick up” joints, potentially I see a safety issue too. Though, again, I think a lot of places ban children for the same reasons some places used to ban different races, or women - they just didn’t think the banned class were as fully human as they were.

Housing is a slightly different issue. Retirement housing with bans on child residents lower development costs because councils let the developers off providing for some public infrastructure (like parks and schools). Which I also fundamentally disagree with. It’s just another form of absolving yourself of the responsibilities of living in a society while still trying to benefit from it.

SnowOnTheSeine · 07/07/2018 07:03

In my old flat a couple of kids would knock on our door whenever they went past.

It lasted 2 days before the mum came and profusely apologized. That is how your neighbor should have reacted.

I don't get why people are so Hmm about a child free complexe. No one is forcing anyone to live there. But if you do, you should abide by the rules.

YANBU OP.

As an aside, where I live several apartment blocks have beautiful gardens. It is well known that they are not for children to play in. There are local parks for DC.

IAmLurkacus · 07/07/2018 07:14

Of course YANBU OP!

You don’t smoke in the no smoking bit, you don’t take pets to places that don’t allow them and children shouldn’t be in child free zones. What is wrong with people?

And I say that as someone who loves children! I have lots and I work with kids.

Next time they ring your buzzer, ask them who they’re visiting (every time after that toolonglurking suggestion) then take it up with management. They need to be more discreet with guests or move, they’re being ridiculous.

Pengggwn · 07/07/2018 07:17

Unless there is a rule that says visiting children cannot play outside, they are breaking no rules at all. All you have to complain about is that the child is ringing your bell. But since I suspect you would object to them even if they didn't, I can't imagine you're going to get satisfaction here.

Pengggwn · 07/07/2018 07:20

children shouldn’t be in child free zones.

What is a child-free zone? This is a complex of flats where people with children living with them permanently can't rent or buy. I assume there is something in the contract that enforces that, OP? But if there is nothing in the contract for rental or purchase that says children can't visit, then it's a free world and people can do as they like, including letting their grandchildren play in their garden.

flippyfloppyflower · 07/07/2018 07:21

MrsTerryPratchett I thought that the USA had not signed up to the Human Rights Act but willing to be proved wrong. Also I believe that in certain circumstances Landlords can dictate that only Adults may live in certain accommodation but again quite happy to be proved wrong

Believeitornot · 07/07/2018 07:25

Why is it unreasonable to have child free places? Is it any wonder society today is so entitled
Last time I checked children were people too. Also it’s not like a pub or club or certain rated films where it makes sense for children to not be there for legal/protective reasons.

I’m saying that childfree complexes are ridiculous in principle but obviously you don’t like kids (what brought you to mumsnet then) so have a word with your neighbours about it then.