Children in child-free complex - WIBU?

[Iltavilli]

We live in a complex of flats where children are not allowed to live. A neighbour (not sure which) has regular visitors who bring children. One of the children is a toddler and rings our entry system bell as it is the lowest on the pad. They allow him to do this and simply say “sorry it’s a child”, they don’t discourage his behaviour. They also allow the children to play around the meticulously maintained and non-child-friendly landscaped gardens. This is a “naice” area, and we pay a premium to live in a child-free complex. AIBU to complain?

Why is it unreasonable to have child free places? Is it any wonder society today is so entitled

I don't think it is particularly unreasonable to have child-free places. I think it unreasonable to imagine yourself to be renting in a 'child-free zone' when you're actually not; you're renting in a place where children are not allowed to live.

OP is your an over 55's complex? Places like that often have a "no playing in communal areas including the garden" rule. Check your lease, then speak to the manager.

Believeitornot I thought Mumsnet welcomed all but obviously proved wrong by your post.

I am genuinely curious why folk are so insulted that someone has chosen to live in a child free housing complex. I genuinely thought we were meant to be tolerant and respectful of other people's choices

There would be no problem if the people with the children kept them under control and taught them respect for other people’s property. However, the incident with the volley ball net shows them to be the favourite on MN - CFs.

The gardens are not a public park, they are people’s garden for their quiet enjoyment.

Many people dislike the attitude of many child producers who do not parent property - the includes people who have children. Allowing kids to run screaming around restaurants, running screaming in shopping centres is not acceptable, also it is always someone else’s ‘fault’ when their kids get hurt.

Gaspodethetalkingdog

Give over. 'Child producers'. Like your parents, you mean?

It’s the UN ‘rights of the child’ that the US haven’t signed up to (along with Somalia).

I am genuinely curious why folk are so insulted that someone has chosen to live in a child free housing complex. I genuinely thought we were meant to be tolerant and respectful of other people's choices

Mumsnet allows me and others to question people’s choices. It is a genuine question I ask.

I don’t have to be tolerant of all choices that people make, especially if I think they’re questionable. I haven’t really heard a good reason to be honest in this case.

Excluding children is, IMO, excluding a whole section of society simply based on their age. So yes, I question that.

I genuinely thought we were meant to be tolerant and respectful of other people's choices

Did you? Why?

Many people dislike the attitude of many child producers

Off you trot. How rude?!

And ironic given that you talk about respect. Do you like your own parents then?

It's standard for any lease, there are usually rules about not disturbing your neighbors. I E no late night parties or no having loud chats in the communal areas (especially at night).
We have kids using the car park as their football playing area which is dangerous for them as could be run over and also they can cause damage to cars or annoy people as they kick ball at the flats/ flat windows. So it's raised with the management company who can advise and remind everyone of the rules.
Sure you could also complain about shrieky 55 year olds running around the gardens if they did it. If it's sold as a calm space then there must be some guide lines as to how this is achieved.

”The gardens are not a public park, they are people’s garden for their quiet enjoyment.”

The “quiet” is an assumption that the OP hasn’t confirmed. The gardens could simply for the residents’ enjoyment. While up until now that may have been generally quiet, residents may be entitled to have a BBQ, start an acapella choir or play cricket with their guests in the gardens. Maybe the residents whose guests the children are only decided to live here because they checked they could have their guests round to play in the delightful grounds. We don’t know.

If the gardens are set aside for quiet enjoyment, then the OP should complain to the resident or whoever is responsible for enforcement about the people who aren’t being quiet. The fact that they are children is irrelevant.

Yanbu your neighbour can, of course, do as she likes in her own flat but you both pay a premium to live in a child free space so you shouldn't have to deal with this.

Many people dislike the attitude of many child producers

Oh snort laugh at you, GF. I’ve met people irl who use this^^ rhetoric. They either end up friendless, swiftly learn to tone down the “children are yuck and parents are all to be sneered at”, or (amusingly) sometimes do a u turn and have children themselves.

I have great respect for people who make the right decision for them and choose not to have children. I’m all for that. But it doesn’t mean you have to sneer at children and their parents.

Some of the people I know who love children most and have jobs where they work with children are childless. It’s perfectly possible to be child free without being a child : parent hating bellend.

I believe in questioning (politely) someone's choices (legal ones obviously) but there is a difference in questioning and disagreeing with someone and attacking someone (verbally and physically) because they make a different choice to one you would have made,

Where I live there is a specific rule that forbids servants’ children from playing on the stairs. And washing can’t be hung out where it can be seen by others. Luckily I don’t have so much as a cleaner, and my bit of the garden is out of sight. (Rules were written in the 1950s).
OP, YANBU.

I don’t think YABU. If the relatives in question like having child visitors so much why live in a child free complex? And also, as the mother of a toddler I think you’d have to be crazy to enter such a place. I’d get my relatives to visit me at my home or in the park.

I love kids but it's not at all unreasonable to have an adult only space. As in a space where only adult behaviour is acceptable. i.e No running about and shouting and playing. You should only bring a child into that space if they are capable of behaving appropriately. (same as other adult spaces e. g. The opera, a fancy restaurant). Since most places are child friendly it's ridiculously entitled to be offended by the very few where your children can't run around and make noise.

I am laughing at those that can't imagine 'child free' places. Umm you do know there is a big market out there for adult only stuff such as holidays, hotels etc. I don't have children so the thought of living somewhere that is child free sounds bliss. And to those that say it's a parenting site, well there is no rule that says you have to be a parent to join and most threads are nothing about parenting.

OP you need to look at the t&cs of where you live. There is no point complaining about them visiting if that is allowed. However, if they aren't allowed to play in shared areas or are being a nuisance then I would complain to whoever manages the area.

flippyfloppyflower
Where are the attacks

Imagine if we had complexes with no over 65s (those pesky elderly people and their shuffling), no 18-25s (pesky young adults and their drinking) etc etc. In my mind it’s as ridiculous as saying no children.

Yes there are annoying children, annoying people across all demographics. But to exclude them all on the basis that sometimes some of them are annoying is pretty sad imo.

As in a space where only adult behaviour is acceptable

I’ve seen plenty of adults running and shouting and generally being anti social.

yanbu op.

dd would be fine to visit. sitting quietly in the garden, looking at the flowers etc. (she might accidently tread on something or fall but she will still be doing that as an adult as part of her condition. )

on the ohter hand I have a mini tasmanian devil, who incidently does not get taken to the care home my mum is in unless it is for less thatn 5 minutes.

Can you contact the management company (if there is one) and ask them to send a letter out to all residents reminding them of the child free status of the property and asking that if they have child visitors they ensure that they follow the rules of the complex.

We have loads of these places around our city.
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-52675290.html

I was partial to a child free holiday myself pre-dcs. I totally get it. But, as a pp said, housing is an essential. So it is a bit shaky to ban them from certain housing complexes. I get why there is a market for them, but with there being a shortage on housing in this country, I don’t know how I feel about children being banned from some of them, unless it’s a retirement complex. What’s to stop lls saying no children allowed in their flats (cos children are annoying and I don’t like child producers )and forcing women to leave if they fall pregnant? Doesn’t sound good.

I can’t ABIDE children in child-free spaces. In fact, sometimes in child-friendly spaces too depending on their behaviour. This includes being on holiday when there are a million pools but some screaming rugrat with a water gun thrashes around in the (supposedly quiet) adult only pool.

YADNBU.

I Would be livid.