to decide not to return to work?

[30minsleepisnotenough]

Old employers from 2015 have just asked me to come back 2 days a week. They were awesome employers, I know I could do the job well, they want my specific skills, at 20-ish hours a week close to home and school and DH's work, it would be the perfect part-time job; and it could potentially go for many years (1-year rolling contract as funding is awarded for it yearly). We live somewhere where jobs like this don't come up often and I've had great difficulty finding worthwhile work - or indeed any work at all.

However, DS (20 months) is a horrifically bad sleeper, I've been surviving on 30 minutes a couple of times a day, for most of his life. I am so tired I can't balance, can't drive, am barely able to function. I am not sure I can actually cope with working. DS absolutely hates noisy environments full of marauding kids (and 10 weeks of 2 playgroups and music classes overseas recently showed that he doesn't settle over time: he seems to hate the noise more, the longer we persevere). He is inclined to be very "sensitive", crying at the slightest shove or snatch from another kid... indeed crying at the slightest frustration and working himself into a lather to the point of vomiting pretty easily, if not comforted. He's probably chronically and acutely overtired (I know I am).

Everything screams at me that this is NOT the age to start him at nursery, when other kids the same age problem-solve by hitting, biting, snatching, shoving because they're frustrated and insufficiently verbal to negotiate properly. I can't find any childminders that are close enough that I actually like (have found a couple that I definitely don't like much). A nanny would mean I was paying about 100 quid a week to work. No family to help.

Turning this job down is the correct thing to do under these circumstances, yes?

Whilst the job sounds great yours and your DS sleep situation is horrendous. Has this been investigated medically? Neither he nor you are getting enough sleep if he wakes every 30 minutes. Is he vocal yet?

I think considering the job requires a lot of concentration and it sounds like financially you don't need to go back then I would ask them if you could put the offer on hold for 6 months and use that time to sort out your DS sleep. That is not normal at any age especially 20 months. What does your GP say and can he be referred to a sleep specialist?

I feel for you. Sleep deprivation is awful.

Regardless of whether you take the job or not, you need to sort out the sleeping situation. Neither of you can keep going like this.

Sleep has been investigated and we have been discharged as there is " no issue with his development" (I would argue the sleep is a developmental problem in itself, but they are going on talking/walking kind of stuff, which is fine). We have looked at allergy in detail with hospital help and already avoid all dairy.

I think I am realistic rather than anxious, I know how tired I am and how little I can concentrate.

The job will come up next year but by then they may have found someone else as their "keeper" from year to year.

I'd go private in that case. It's seriously impacting you as well as DS. You say you can't drive for example. That's crazy.

The sleep issue sounds awful. I would also be looking private or hassling GPs, HVs, although I’m sure you’ve done it already. It must be incredibly tough.

For what it’s worth the sleep consultant I used had a very gentle, child focussed approach, and considered what was going on psychologically which I think is why it worked.

Take the job for your sanity.

We used the Millpond Clinic. Most of their consultants also work in the NHS and you can request one that does. Made the most amazing difference when DS1 has been discharged for similar reasons (but in our case for night terrors).

I would actually take it

You need a break and to focus in something else

Maybe these issues will pass , maybe they won’t . Either way you need a respite

Have you sought any
Medical advice ? For DS

I’d take the job. It might be really good for you having something else away from this stress. Could you get a part time nanny or an over night nannny for a few days?

I’d take the job.

I would take the job but ask for a start date in a couple of months, and then focus on finding a good childcare option and working on the sleep.
Decent part time roles are so hard to find and if you don’t take this one, you will most likely regret it when your child is a bit older and sleeping well.

I think in your position I'd be looking to take the job and try to work out potential ways around it with DS. As you say, this may be your one shot at it if they find somebody else, which surely in a year is fairly likely?

Have you spoken with your doctor about ASC? The sleep issues and stress around noise could be related to that.

With the job, think long term. Would you regret not taking it in a year's time if your ds's sleep settles?

Take the job.
It will be hard to begin with but I think it will be good for you. Does it pay enough for you to hire a nappy and someone who could do a couple of night care shifts/sleep specialist?
Even if it initially used up all your pay (or more) it could well be worth it in tbe long run.
You need help to deal with this sleep situation.

*nanny not nappy!

My DS was the same at that age and I worked 3 days a week on barely any sleep and found it actually rejuvenated me.

If you don't want to work - and what a lucky position to be in that you can choose as I never could- but don't use the child as an excuse.

He'll be fine at nursery. It might help with his sleep!

Take the job. Can your DH drop a day a week short term until your DS is more settled, then you only need childcare one day a week?

Take the job, and your DH needs to step up and do more night wakings. I returned to full time work as soon as DS was 6 months old, and we split the wakings.

Take the job. You deserve another focus in your life when your dc is so challenging. Its only part time so it's not like you'd never see him. Nursery and a new routine might help his sleep, if not, sleep consultant. And your dh should be doing weekend nights anyway.

I'd take the job, it might help fund someone to help at night? Also nursery might really help him, if not you can leave the job !

Take the job. I think you might regret it further down the line

Am posting because I have worked in childcare for 10years- put him in childcare immediately
It will do you both the world of good

If possible I would advise a childminder over a nursery though

I'd take the job. Good part-time jobs are hard to come by and the chance might not come up again.

Go see nurseries for yourself, speak to the staff, get a feel for the environments ask how they deal with sleep.

My older child would only nap for 20mins. Nursery asked if they could have a go at getting them to sleep longer. I don't know how they did it but it made my life easier getting him to have an hour during the day than 20mins.

How much is LO sleeping during the day? Once naps were sorted night got a lot better too.

Another one for take the job.