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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

england match clash

150 replies

Storminateacup74 · 05/07/2018 22:33

I am going to see a show in London with some friends this saturday afternoon. We booked a yr ago I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids so when I was invited this year instead of saying no I said yes this was back in August last year. Obviously now England are playing and he has said that under no circumstances can I now go as he needs to watch the game without the kids in peace. Also unfortunately my son is in a dance competition at 3pm on the same day which I thought may have been changed but they are not changing it because they say that is a different clientele people who watch the football, and halls and examiners have been booked. Maybe I should have checked with him first but he would have said no regardless of the world cup. He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go. He is a huge football fan and says that I can go to see this show in London anytime and he will let me go another weekend. As if it is as easy as 1,2,3 to get tickets... AIBU standing my ground or is he being unreasonable making me change something that has been booked for ages??

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 06/07/2018 09:57

@RayneDance Yes, I've read articles. I actually know a couple who divorced due to the pressures it caused on their marriage. Neither abused the children though.

StellaWouldYouTakeMeHome · 06/07/2018 10:08

Surely he can record the game?

On the other hand, he sounds like a complete dickhead,frankly you deserve better

RayneDance · 06/07/2018 10:08

Why will the dc stay with him?

Shatner stop. Don't start picking on my posts. Please.

SouthwarkSkaters · 06/07/2018 10:08

RayneDance, this OP is not the person who has taken on the sister’s children, she posted the reply on that thread.

ShatnersWig · 06/07/2018 10:27

@RayneDance I'm not picking on your posts! You asked a question, I answered it! But @SouthwarkSkaters is correct, you've misread the other thread.

RayneDance · 06/07/2018 10:58

Ok, I only skin read that thread.

Awful situation, maybe ss needs to place them elsewhere and get involved.

As I said earlier before I knew more background details.. He doesn't sound stable, and I wouldn't leave the the children with him. This was before I knew they a re not his dc, ⛾ him mad, have a mo respect for him and vice versa. Before I knew of other backgrounds worries.

I honestly can't imagine what he might do if the dc play up and he tries to watch the game.

LittleLionMansMummy · 06/07/2018 11:17

I'm confused about this and other threads, are the dc your H's op? The way you talk it sounds like he's not their dad and consequently feels no responsibility for them.

Either way, please leave him for the sake of your dc. They are being abused, as are you. Please protect them from this nasty bullying oppression in their lives.

I know that's not what you asked, but there's too much in this to pretend this is just about a diary clash with the football. Good dads/ husbands would tell you to go and find a way to incorporate their dc into their footballing plans.

araiwa · 06/07/2018 11:40

Tough shit dh

I try to watch every tournament game but sometimes its just not possible. Suck it up

ilovesooty · 06/07/2018 11:45

He's a totally unpleasant dick for all sorts of reasons but suggestions of recording the game as if that's the same as watching it live can only be coming from someone who simply isn't interested in football.

starryeyed19 · 06/07/2018 11:48

My dickhead ex husband used to pull shit like this. Which is one of the many reasons I divorced him.

YANBU. Where is the give and take here? Why the hell is he talking about letting you go another time. He can get straight to fuck, frankly. Find some reliable childcare and do whatever the fuck you like.

Pinkgeorge · 06/07/2018 11:49

If he goes out tonight change the locks!! Don’t let him back in

sashh · 06/07/2018 12:07

So how much easier would your life be as a single parent?

Very generous of him to 'let' you go another time, you are supposed to be his partner not his dog.

I certainly wouldn't pack and leave for the trip now. You can't trust that the children will be ok.

Which is ridiculous, a father who has parental responsibility should be able to look after his own children for a few hours.

He has done a number on you, taken all your self respect.

You are better than him and better than the situation.

Let him go out, change the locks, ask you parents to have the kids and enjoy yourself.

ilovesooty · 06/07/2018 17:18

How can the OP justifiably change the locks? It's his home too.

nancy75 · 06/07/2018 17:22

Honestly, the Only way this bullshit would wash with me is if he was on the actual England team.

Tell him if he goes out & stays put he won’t be coming back at all, you are a grown adult he can’t tell you want to do

RandomMess · 06/07/2018 17:27

Yep he's an arse

jelliebelly · 06/07/2018 17:55

So many things here to take issue with that I don't know where to start. How old are the children? How important is the dance competition? What show are you going to see?

KM99 · 06/07/2018 18:19

We booked a yr ago I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids...

That was a red flag for me before you even mentioned his childish behaviour about the football. My OH loves the World and European Cups and told me upfront when we got together it was important to him. I respect that. However since we had a child he prioritises when he needs to. We compromise because that's what grown ups do.

fattonotsofat · 06/07/2018 18:26

If we had kids and my husband told me I couldn't do something, he'd 'let' me go another time and would leave the house and not come back until after the game, I'd say fine but he'd find new locks when he got back!

Shocking behaviour from someone who is meant to love you. Why can he not cope with the kids? They are his responsibility too. What if you were taken ill in hospital?

You booked a year ago so you're trip comes first. Simple. He needs to man up. He can still watch the football with the kids around.

fattonotsofat · 06/07/2018 18:27

*your not you're

WhiteWalkerWife · 06/07/2018 20:48

No one that talks that way has respect and care for his wife and kids. Far far bigger issue then your title suggests.

donquixotedelamancha · 06/07/2018 21:03

I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids

He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go

Tell him he'll find it painful sitting on bar stools with his nuts cut off.

Sod the actual dilema, your main issue is that he thinks he can treat you like shit. You need to start doing proportionate amounts of childcare each and you need to expect him to treat you with respect. Enabling him to behave like a baby is not helping him or you.

Or you need to LTB.

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 07/07/2018 01:05

OP, you need to make a decision. For a start, football is a boring-ass game. Any man who prioritises a game in which he is not actively participating and is as fucking boring as football should be kicked to the curb. Secondly, any man who puts any sport above his family deserves a swift kick to the balls and a swift kicking out of the house. What are you going to do?

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 07/07/2018 01:08

I say this as someone who delayed a hospital examination (as an in-patient) because I was determined to watch the GB dressage team perform at the Olympics. I’d waited all week and I was damned if I was going to miss Carl and Charlotte go down that centre line. But that impacted me alone, I would have re-prioritised if it had an impact upon anyone else

unicorn56 · 07/07/2018 09:03

Just read your last threads, please please please don't leave the children with him. I am worried about their saftey or at the very least their emotionally sanity.

Also LTB

coconutpie · 07/07/2018 21:35

Did you go to your show OP?

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