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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

england match clash

150 replies

Storminateacup74 · 05/07/2018 22:33

I am going to see a show in London with some friends this saturday afternoon. We booked a yr ago I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids so when I was invited this year instead of saying no I said yes this was back in August last year. Obviously now England are playing and he has said that under no circumstances can I now go as he needs to watch the game without the kids in peace. Also unfortunately my son is in a dance competition at 3pm on the same day which I thought may have been changed but they are not changing it because they say that is a different clientele people who watch the football, and halls and examiners have been booked. Maybe I should have checked with him first but he would have said no regardless of the world cup. He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go. He is a huge football fan and says that I can go to see this show in London anytime and he will let me go another weekend. As if it is as easy as 1,2,3 to get tickets... AIBU standing my ground or is he being unreasonable making me change something that has been booked for ages??

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 06/07/2018 08:25

Cagliostro Please look at the links to previous posts by the OP I put on the previous page and you will get an idea of how this man treats his children.

Cagliostro · 06/07/2018 08:28

Will do! I think I may have seen at least one before and I definitely recognise the screen name :( (my question was rhetorical/sarcastic really)

shockthemonkey · 06/07/2018 08:29

Sorry, but your DH is terribly confused and no good for you, no good for the DCs. I really hope you find a way to turn the family dynamics around as this cannot possibly happen in this day and age. Even in my grandparents’ time this would have been considered unacceptable abuse. I wish you all the strength you need to sort this out but above all you must absolutely go to the show with your mates😡

shockthemonkey · 06/07/2018 08:31

Blimey and that was before I cast my eye over your other thread (titles) posted by PP

Lepetitpiggy · 06/07/2018 08:34

What an absolute cunt. And I rarely use that word. This is so beyond my realms of experience that I just don't know what to say but completely echo everyone else in saying you need to get yourself and your children away from him. My dh is also a massive football fan but he is willingly taking dd to an instrument grading on Saturday a few miles away as he knows I've had a long and not great week and wants me to have a break,. There's a chance they wont be back before kick off but he is taking that risk.
I am so sorry you are in this horrible position. It seems he's worn you down so much that you accept this behavior. I had that in my first marriage and will never accept it again

Makemineboozefree · 06/07/2018 08:34

I was all for booting him out even before I read your other threads. What an absolute bastard of a husband you have. I think this is far bigger than a theatre trip clashing with the football.

You mentioned on one of the other threads how great your parents are - can you confide in them what's been going on? Can they support you to leave him?

pissedrightoff1 · 06/07/2018 08:43

Reading through your previous threads and from what you have written here, I would try and arrange for some one to take your son to the competition, and to look after the other children

i would then tell him that you are going to the show and that when you get back if he hasn't already left that you would like him to go asap

Sounds like an absolute arse

snewname · 06/07/2018 08:50

Tell him if he leaves tomorrow then not to bother coming back. But there are such fundamental problems in your relationship, you might want to take your time and do it properly. But you have to.

Notquiteagandt · 06/07/2018 08:53

Why do people keep referring to him as a man.

There is nothing about his behaviour that makes him sound like a grown man.

Man child, spoilt little boy, moody adolesance maybe. But man no....

OldSpeclkledHen · 06/07/2018 08:53

LTB

billybagpuss · 06/07/2018 08:54

Where will he be? Pack the kids a bag with snacks, dance kit and other stuff to amuse themselves. Turn up at wherever he is with a huge smile on your face, say 'bye kids enjoy spending the day with Daddy, then as you walk out the door call don't forget DS needs to be at xxx by 2.30.

Then enjoy the theatre.

I don't like the MN mantra of LTB but I would be interested to know his redeeming features as this is very one sided and unfair.

ilovesooty · 06/07/2018 08:56

I see there have been other threads.
The longer you stay and enable this behaviour the worse it will get.
You can't change the locks though and refuse access to his home.

ShatnersWig · 06/07/2018 08:57

@billybagpuss Have you read her other threads? Read them. Then come back and say it's unfair. This has absolutely nothing to do with football and everything about him being an abusive wanker who treats the children appallingly, let alone the OP.

NoNarnas · 06/07/2018 09:00

My DH is a huge football fan. Tomorrow I am at an event that was planned months ago and can’t be rescheduled. He will have to watch the match with 20 month old DS. He wouldn’t even consider asking my to change my plans given that they were made ages ago.

Clandestino · 06/07/2018 09:06

You have a history of threads on the this forum which show that your not so DH is a selfish prat.
Just like the others I would only like to give you one advice - LBT. Now. Tell him he doesn't have to come back. Start preparing everything for a split. Good luck. He's an abusive prick.

billybagpuss · 06/07/2018 09:11

@shatnerswig. I haven't I don't know how to, sometimes MN site isn't very intuitive.

Hope you OK OP, you need to go to the theatre.

NameChangedAgain18 · 06/07/2018 09:12

How many more threads are you going to post about this abusive cunt before you wise up and do what to need to do to improve yours and your children’s lives? You are facilitating the damage he is doing to your kids. Re. your other threads, I grew up with parents who “stayed together for the sake of the kids” and it has caused me significant, ongoing damage which I’m not even close to having resolved at the age of 43. It’s affected every aspect of my life - relationships, career, friendships, sense of identity. Is that what you want for your children?

Bananalanacake · 06/07/2018 09:14

He sounds selfish. If he wanted kids he should be looking after them

ShatnersWig · 06/07/2018 09:16

@billybagpuss If you read the full thread, you'll find I posted links to them all. Just click on them. That's why it's always good to read a full thread before commenting.

Clandestino · 06/07/2018 09:17

billybagpuss I certainly wouldn't do that or recommend that. Especially when it comes to a man who obviously has a history of abusive relationship with his children.

RayneDance · 06/07/2018 09:31

Actually having skinned the other threads I have a modicum of sympathy for him.

He has taken on his wife's sisters dc.
I don't know how the process happened. Didn't he have the best intentions then? Not many men would do that.

Not excusing his behaviour at all but if he can't cope he can't cope.

You can't make someone cope.
It sounds like an utterly miserable situation. There is no way forward. Except to end this relationship.
You said he picked up when he was left alone and then he started to come forward more with some cooking.

I wonder if you break up, it might with space and time actually turn him into a better dad.

ShatnersWig · 06/07/2018 09:39

If he can't cope, he can't cope. You don't need to behave like a cunt and abuse children. No excuse.

Mia1415 · 06/07/2018 09:43

If my husband spoke to me like that I'd tell him not to bother coming back. How dare he completely disrespect you and his children like that. I think this is my first ever LTB.

RayneDance · 06/07/2018 09:47

When people can't cope they act out their feelings.

Please don't try and say I'm defending this man I'm not. But this isn't a normal family where the dh is leaving to watch the football. There is massive huge back story here bad and it sounds like there are 3 dc, two of which are not his, who he can't cope with and have ld.

And his own son who also has ld.

He has taken on two kids that are not his.
Have you never read articles about adoption where a child with extreme behaviour issues has driven parents to divorce and they can't cope.

I think it's a great shameful this marriage and family has limped on like this for so long. Its a mess and they need to separate now. Op needs tons of support, from where or how I don't know.

Clandestino · 06/07/2018 09:56

RayneDance the problem is that those children will stay with him, not with the OP should they separate. If he can't cope now, how can he cope when he's left on his own?

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