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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

england match clash

150 replies

Storminateacup74 · 05/07/2018 22:33

I am going to see a show in London with some friends this saturday afternoon. We booked a yr ago I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids so when I was invited this year instead of saying no I said yes this was back in August last year. Obviously now England are playing and he has said that under no circumstances can I now go as he needs to watch the game without the kids in peace. Also unfortunately my son is in a dance competition at 3pm on the same day which I thought may have been changed but they are not changing it because they say that is a different clientele people who watch the football, and halls and examiners have been booked. Maybe I should have checked with him first but he would have said no regardless of the world cup. He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go. He is a huge football fan and says that I can go to see this show in London anytime and he will let me go another weekend. As if it is as easy as 1,2,3 to get tickets... AIBU standing my ground or is he being unreasonable making me change something that has been booked for ages??

OP posts:
JellyBears · 05/07/2018 23:24

What a Pratt, putting football before his family. He sounds utterly unpleasant and immature..

midnightmisssuki · 05/07/2018 23:24

I would call his bluff - you pack your bags and go for your weekend away tomorrow. No sane husband would just abandon his children for anything, England World Cup match included!

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 05/07/2018 23:25

Having said that, for even giving this ultimatum he can fuck off

Poptart4 · 05/07/2018 23:27

Have to agree with everyone else. Hes a dick. Theres no reason he cant watch the match with his kids.

Personally i wouldn't be bothered about the dance competition. Its not the end of the world if your child misses one comp. But you should definitely go to your show.

If he does go out so you cant go, have his bags packed on the doorstep for when he gets back. Honestly i don't understand why some woman put up with such dickheads.

Gardai · 05/07/2018 23:29

He sounds like a wanker OP
Your call but I’d not put up with this shit
You booked it a year ago
No one ‘lets’ a partner do anything
I’m shocked that you let him do this to you

BackforGood · 05/07/2018 23:30

You lost me at "let you go" Hmm

I love the football, and very excited, and aware of many things that have been rearranged so people don't have to miss it, but your theatre performance isn't one of them. Your performance was 'first on the calendar' so it's up to him whether he watches the match at home or takes the dc to wherever he wants to watch it, but that's his problem.

Is there another parent who isn't interested in the football who might take the dc to dance, for him ?

Princesstwilightsparkle · 05/07/2018 23:33

YANBU he is! He can't order you to change your well cemented plans, totally unfair.

notapizzaeater · 05/07/2018 23:34

Wow, he's a prick ! Has he any redeeming qualities ?

stevie69 · 05/07/2018 23:36

He needs to be able to care for the kids he helped create and also I’d be concerned about the whole letting you go thing

Exactly that. I'm a commitment-phobic, selfish arse: sometimes Blush For that reason, I have no partner. And definitely no children. So I'm free to please myself and watch the football where I like, for as long as I like. And I intend to.

Your DH isn't. You booked your trip a year ago and he's now trying everything to stop you from going? He needs to have a serious word with himself.

Really hope you get it sorted.

lololove · 05/07/2018 23:39

I am going to see a show in London with some friends this saturday afternoon. We booked a yr ago I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids so when I was invited this year instead of saying no I said yes this was back in August last year.

Obviously now England are playing and he has said that under no circumstances can I now go as he needs to watch the game without the kids in peace

[.....]

Maybe I should have checked with him first but he would have said no regardless of the world cup. He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go. He is a huge football fan and says that I can go to see this show in London anytime and he will let me go another weekend [.....]

cut bits out but bolded the 'important' bits - you poor bugger! :( Is this really how your life is constantly with all the 'do what you're allowed/he will let you' and you being pushed to deal with the kids on your own?

You really deserve more than being told what you can and can't do by someone else who does whatever he wants and threatens to essentially abandon you with children (what if something happened?) just so he does what he want AND you can't?!

RhinoGirl · 05/07/2018 23:45

He will ‘let’ you go another time?! Who the hell does he think he is?

MovingThisYearHopefully · 05/07/2018 23:48

What a COCK! He can look after the kids, take to dance thing etc & watch the footy after. Selfish c**t! Angry

flowery · 05/07/2018 23:59

”he has said that under no circumstances can I now go as he needs to watch the game without the kids in peace”

Your response should have been “under no circumstances can you watch the game without the kids unless you organise childcare because I’m off to the theatre”

jakscrakers · 06/07/2018 00:09

He WILL let you go another time fgs which era is he living in, he is a father not a freaking king or whatever, its a football match ok its unusual for England to get where they are but you booked it is already arranged, he can just chuff off, they are his children too. If he goes and doesnt return till after you are supposed to have gone, fine let him do that but he must face the consequences of finding his clobber at the side of the house for him to collect and find somewhere else to live and enjoy being a part time parent like his is now without the advantages ...

runsmidgeOMG · 06/07/2018 00:17

Nothing to add...show him this thread OP

Go to your show Thanks

coconutpie · 06/07/2018 00:17

Wtf. Go to your show. And if he tries to get out ahead of you and not return home so that you are forced I stay at home, pack his bags so that when he returns he can collect them on the doorstep. You're married to a class A selfish wanker.

RainbowsAndSmiles · 06/07/2018 01:37

*He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go. He is a huge football fan and says that I can go to see this show in London anytime and he will let me go another weekend. AIBU standing my ground or is he being unreasonable making me change something that has been booked for ages??

OMG, no.
YOU booked a year ago. Which he presumably Okayed?! Can get to fuck, they're his kids too and you need time off!

katzensocken · 06/07/2018 02:52

His language and threats are abusive. 'Under no circumstances'? 'LET you go'?

If a guy said such things to me I wouldn't simply go ahead and go, however. If you leave him with the kids, who's to say he'll properly look after them, or won't take his frustration out on them? You know him better than we do, of course, but his attitude doesn't sound nice at all.

Really, if this was so important to him, he should already be sorting a babysitter or other childcare, at his own expense if need be, to get what he wants. Hopefully they'd be able to take DS to the competition too, or he could at least do that if nothing else... though I think he wouldn't, if only out of complete spite. How come childcare hasn't come up as the immediate option to compromise with? Or is it that he wants you at home 'in your place' as it were?

Taking care of kids should be a collaborative thing between both parents, he should suck it up that you both have a clash now and work around it with you. Failing that, he takes the kids and watches the game around them, tough luck.

I do think, even if you resolve this well enough and go to the show, you should consider his feelings, or lack thereof, towards you and your children.

CoffeeOrSleep · 06/07/2018 06:47

Does he bring anything to your children's lives other than money?

I always think a good test is would the basic access arrangements (that many fathers rights groups think is not enough) of every other weekend and one night in the week - be vastly more time than the dcs spend with him, and actually much more time than he'd want to spend with them?

CoffeeOrSleep · 06/07/2018 06:53

For the short term though - can another parent take /being back your DS to the dance show? I wouldn't hold back hiding why you need help - that your DH has refused to look after his own children and you have a rare afternoon out booked for months. Hire a babysitter for the other dc.

Agree with the others, you are clearly in an abusive relationship. This isn't ok. This isn't normal.

Fletchasaurus · 06/07/2018 06:56

My god he has done a number on you op if you think that what he is proposing is acceptable and you are having to check it with us! My very first ltb! Enjoy the theatre, I do hope you go!

Iloveacurry · 06/07/2018 06:58

Well isn’t he a delight!! If he does go out Friday night and doesn’t come home until Saturday, tell him not to bother coming home at all and change to locks. He’s a dick. “Let you go another weekend” ... how patronising.

LittleMouseontheDairy · 06/07/2018 07:00

Does ‘needs to be able to watch it in peace without the kids’ mean ‘get pissed’?
He should absolutely be able to watch it at home WITH KIDS and take your son to his competition. He’s not on the moon- he can check scores.
He sounds really scary and a terrible father. I would honestly start looking into divorce.
Good luck op

SoddingUnicorns · 06/07/2018 07:08

Are there friends/family who could take the kids so you can go? I’m concerned he’d take his mood out on them.

Oh and change the locks, he’s an absolute disgrace of a man, partner and father.

Aridane · 06/07/2018 07:11

Can he pay for you to all go on another day?

Hell, no - just go

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