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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

england match clash

150 replies

Storminateacup74 · 05/07/2018 22:33

I am going to see a show in London with some friends this saturday afternoon. We booked a yr ago I never get to go anywhere child free as hubby finds hard to cope with the kids so when I was invited this year instead of saying no I said yes this was back in August last year. Obviously now England are playing and he has said that under no circumstances can I now go as he needs to watch the game without the kids in peace. Also unfortunately my son is in a dance competition at 3pm on the same day which I thought may have been changed but they are not changing it because they say that is a different clientele people who watch the football, and halls and examiners have been booked. Maybe I should have checked with him first but he would have said no regardless of the world cup. He says he will go out tomorrow night and not come home till sat pm so I can't go. He is a huge football fan and says that I can go to see this show in London anytime and he will let me go another weekend. As if it is as easy as 1,2,3 to get tickets... AIBU standing my ground or is he being unreasonable making me change something that has been booked for ages??

OP posts:
DumbledoresApprentice · 05/07/2018 22:47

He’s being a total dick. What is the show? If it’s Hamilton then he’s being even more unfair. The show is amazing and the tickets are so hard to get. We booked over a year in advance and even now you have to book months and months ahead.

edwinbear · 05/07/2018 22:48

I don’t understand why he can’t watch the football with his DC? Confused. How difficult is football to follow?

Chickychoccyegg · 05/07/2018 22:48

he is being completely unreasonable!!!
don't cancel your plans, your plans were made first so they stand, his responsibility to sort out the kids, also completely ridiculous he can't manage his own kids and that he thinks he can dictate what you can do!

KateGrey · 05/07/2018 22:52

What a shit! We have three kids and my husband loves football and most other sports but he’d watch the football around the kids. He needs to be able to care for the kids he helped create and also I’d be concerned about the whole letting you go thing. You’re a person! Not his little toy.

UrsulaPandress · 05/07/2018 22:54

I'm astounded.

LEMtheoriginal · 05/07/2018 22:55

I was ready to post that could you possibly get a baby sitter for when the match is on but then i read your post. Are you fucking serious? Tell him to go out friday night andstay out - permanently. What a pig

JaniceBattersby · 05/07/2018 22:58

If he is that desperate to watch the game alone then he wil need to find himself a babysitter, won’t he, because you won’t bloody be there. I’d go tomorrow and leave the fucker to it all weekend. What a complete wanker.

KokoandAllBall · 05/07/2018 22:58

Don't "play him at his own game". You know he won't take your ds to his competition. Would your parents or in laws be able to step in and take care of your ds on Saturday, comp and all?

StripeyDeckchair · 05/07/2018 22:58

If he does as he threatens I'd tell him not to bother coming back.
Such blatant selfishness and disregard for me, his partner, would be a deal breaker.

Emma198 · 05/07/2018 23:00

What a knob. He should watch the football at home with the kids.

Sarahjconnor · 05/07/2018 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emma198 · 05/07/2018 23:01

Oh no, sorry I see comp clashes. I agree with PP that such blatant disregard for me would be a dealbreaker.

Dopplerineffect · 05/07/2018 23:01

Op he has you rIght where he wants you. Worrying about his needs.

Absolutely do not cancel. He needs to sort the kids out. How can one person be so selfish?
I could not get passed this. Awful way to treat your wife.

RayneDance · 05/07/2018 23:04

I'd be worried for the children left behind.. What if he is so pissed off and they don't let him watch will be turn violent?

I don't know What to say. How old are dc...

Normally I would say suck it up.. But he doesn't sound emotionally secure or stable.

Seafoodeatit · 05/07/2018 23:07

Bloody hell, I came on to say I'm speechless at his 'letting you' go on another weekend but I see others have pointed it out too. I would tell him to piss off too, if that's his attitude!

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 05/07/2018 23:10

Why have more than one child with a man that won't parent? Surely after having one you realise that?

You both sound as bad as each other, you didn't ask him if it was ok and he plans to now avoid the situation by staying out. You are grown ups not children playing games.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 05/07/2018 23:11

Skimmed sorry. Do you mean 'my son' or is it 'our son'?

PineapplePatty · 05/07/2018 23:12

Go out now and never go back, really.

Ellie56 · 05/07/2018 23:13

YANBU. You made your plans first so you should stick to them, tell him you're going and leave him to it.

If he "needs to watch the game without the kids in peace," he will need to sort out child care.

I can't get past him "letting" you go another weekend? Who the hell does he think he is?

Is he usually such a monumental twat?

Bibesia · 05/07/2018 23:14

Go away to London tomorrow morning, leave a note saying you'll be back Saturday evening.

MissMiserable · 05/07/2018 23:16

Let him go. Change the locks whilst he's out.

ifoundthebread · 05/07/2018 23:17

So he's putting a football match above your plans and his sons competition. The day my partner chooses football over either in these circumstances would be the day I ask him to leave.

You havent gone out because he can't handle the kids and now you can't go out because he can't get his priorities right. You can do better.

hammeringinmyhead · 05/07/2018 23:20

Tell him to go our tomorrow night and not bother coming back. Ever.

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/07/2018 23:22

How important is the dance competition/exam to your son, and can he go alone or with someone else?

Long term, if he is serious about his going out Friday night and not coming back until Saturday afternoon, or if he generally treats you as though your life needs to revolve around his need then you need to plan on leaving him - that’s an abusive and toxic environment for you and your children.

What you do this weekend depends on the impact on you and your children of you making a stand. If, despite his rhetoric, he’d actually put his children first should he find himself “lumbered” with them, I might be inclined to go out on Friday before him and not come home until the Sunday. But that would be a very aggressive move and only worthwhile if it’s the sort of thing that would shock him into seeing how atrocious his attitude had been. Can you arrange for a friend or relative to look after your kids and see that your son gets to his competition? If there’s no one else then I think you have to suck it up, rearrange your trip and, probably, file for divorce.

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 05/07/2018 23:23

Echoing many others here. If he goes out, he never returns. Fuck that.