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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband gave my purse away and I’m gutted

148 replies

hattiesmumm · 04/07/2018 19:01

Hi,

It’s my birthday today and the husband bought me a lush mulberry purse. The mother in law has been round and while I was bathing Dd he gave her my old Ted baker purse to her. Apparently she asked for it as I wouldn’t need it now.

I’m really upset. It holds a lot of memories. It was the first birthday present he bought me 4 years ago. When I came downstairs she was saying how she doesn’t care what sort of purse it is but it’s better than what she’s got now.

I’m really upset. 😭 I felt like I couldn’t say anything, I’m really non confrontational.

OP posts:

chrisinthesun · 05/07/2018 19:24

What an extremely odd thread.

Why would he do this?

Most people would go batshit if their husband or wife gave a possession away to someone else. Why does he think he has the right to do this?

FFS!

MistressDeeCee · 05/07/2018 19:25

It wasn't his purse to give away.

chrisinthesun · 05/07/2018 19:25

Should have been...

Most people would go batshit if their husband or wife gave a possession of theirs away to someone else without asking them.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 05/07/2018 19:26

If you write welcome on your back this is how you get treated.
It’s beyond weird to give away someone else’s stuff. Who only has one bag?

coconutpie · 05/07/2018 19:29

Oh for goodness sake, it's your purse!! You need to put your big girl pants on and tell DH that you want your purse back now. He needs to go over and get it back immediately. It is your fucking purse! He can't just decide to give your stuff away, he was so unreasonable to do that. And if he doesn't, you need to go over there yourself and get your purse back.

MistressDeeCee · 05/07/2018 19:39

It's odd of MIL to ask for it in the 1st place, even odder that she didn't ask you. He's said he's going over to get the purse so, he's obviously now aware that you don't want him giving your things away. Good.

TorviBrightspear · 05/07/2018 19:42

Actually, OP, you need to get your DH to get the purse back.

Because otherwise, with you acting as if you're embarrassed and letting it go, your DH won't think to ask you in future if he decides he can give something else of yours away.

Floofsnootborkandboop · 05/07/2018 19:46

Really? People have more than one purse and use them all? Why?

I do I have my main one, several to match certain bags, a fluffy one and a holo/irredecent one just because they were pretty, a small one for just a few cards and some cash and I’ve jjst brought a Minnie Mouse one for when we go to Disney at the end of the year. 😂 They all get used.

Op, I’d never be okay with someone giving away my stuff without asking, if you want it back then let your DH get it back for you. Ignore the posters telling you you’re being stupid.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 05/07/2018 19:50

Not the point of the thread but I have one purse and one handbag, apart from a tiny bag for weddings etc. I can never really understand the need for more and I'd be fed up moving everything from one to another. Then again, I carry rather a lot around as you never know what you might need.

OP, if you come back, consider which emotion is stronger: the sadness at losing your purse or the embarrassment of reclaiming it or of asking DH to do so. Then act (or don't) accordingly.

Juells · 05/07/2018 19:53

...or the principle that your belongings aren't his to give away

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 05/07/2018 20:28

I have more than one purse. I have many handbags. I like it, it makes me happy, and I'm not really concerned with whether or not I need more than one. Do you need to be on the Internet posting on Mumsnet?

LaraLondon1 · 05/07/2018 21:36

I got a mulberry 4 years ago and I keep for good occasions, not everyday use . So if my other one had been gifted I would have not
been happy !
If u want it back it should’nt b an issue for your husband to put it right . ( and I wouldn’t feel sorry for him as he shouldn’t give away ur stuff!)

Rollonweekend · 05/07/2018 22:15

Your DH no right and needs to ask for it back. Also your MIL should have known better than to accept it without clearing it with you !

3luckystars · 05/07/2018 22:31

My husband almost gave away a chest of drawers to a cleaner. I went absolutely berserk over it because I was really attached to it and it meant something to me and I I think I got even more upset that he did not know this! ( singing if you don’t know me by now, you will never never never know me mmmmmmmmmmm)

I think you have to get it back, it means nothing to your mil and if she gives to a charity shop or someone else, it will be like ripping a plaster off all over again.

Get it back, ask your dh to buy his mother a new one, and hopefully he will know never to do it again.

strawberrisc · 06/07/2018 04:30

You don’t have to justify yourself at all OP. She was weird to ask (him) for it and he was wrong to give your property away.

diddl · 06/07/2018 08:34

"She was weird to ask (him) for it "

Tbf, if he said that Op wouldn't want it anymore & then she asked that would make a bit more sense than if she just asked outright.

Either way, Op's property was given away & that just isn't on!

beanaseireann · 06/07/2018 09:18

You get a Mulberry purse from your dh but his poor mother gets a second hand, 4 year old Ted Baker one.
And they say you learn a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother

Shumpalumpa · 06/07/2018 09:57

Presumably MIL exchanged presents with her own DH, bean?

Hopefully she doesn't see DH as a quasi-husband.

4seasons · 06/07/2018 10:10

I don’t think you are acting like a spoiled brat as some posters have said.
The purse belonged to you and your DH gave it away without a second thought. Wonder how he would feel if you did the same with his belongings ?
My DH has form for this too.... or should I say HAD form .... after some very heated exchanges . In the past he has given pieces of OUR furniture to his parents without any discussion. His parents ( lovely people by the way) happily accepted them as I think in their eyes our house/ belongings etc. were their son’s property. Nothing to do with me ... ! I was working full time in a professional long hours career at the time so it was obvious that I was “ contributing “ .
Recently we were having an Oxfam- clearout and he was happily throwing my yoga mat and other stuff away as , in his words “ I hadn’t used them for ages “. This is when I saw red and the heated exchanges took place !
Get your DH to ask for the purse back. I don’t care how embarrassing it is for him .... the purse wasn’t his to give away . If you don’t do this in the future your DH will begin to think that he is in charge of everything, including you. I kid you not.... 50 years down the line I still have to remind my DH that he is not my boss ..... unfortunately his father was very much the boss in the family home and his SAHW got little say .

Juells · 06/07/2018 11:12

@Shumpalumpa

Hopefully she doesn't see DH as a quasi-husband.

That made me laugh 😁

Ariela · 06/07/2018 11:18

Id maybe get your DH to buy MIL a Mulberry one but different syle/colour and swap for the Ted Bakerr

Juells · 06/07/2018 11:24

Haha yes, if it hurts his pocket it may make him think twice before giving away your stuff in future.

Icanttakemuchmore · 07/07/2018 14:36

Good grief, very strange.... My dh would never ever give something away of mine, especially without asking. Get him to get it back.

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