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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband gave my purse away and I’m gutted

148 replies

hattiesmumm · 04/07/2018 19:01

Hi,

It’s my birthday today and the husband bought me a lush mulberry purse. The mother in law has been round and while I was bathing Dd he gave her my old Ted baker purse to her. Apparently she asked for it as I wouldn’t need it now.

I’m really upset. It holds a lot of memories. It was the first birthday present he bought me 4 years ago. When I came downstairs she was saying how she doesn’t care what sort of purse it is but it’s better than what she’s got now.

I’m really upset. 😭 I felt like I couldn’t say anything, I’m really non confrontational.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/07/2018 19:44

Tell him to get it back if you want it.

Of course you can ask for something back that is yours!

Why wouldn't you need it just because you have another one?

Well I do get that although I have a purse for here & a purse for when I visit England.

Anyway, it's not his decision as to what you do with your stuff.

Look out if he buys you a handbag!

BertieBotts · 04/07/2018 19:45

It's just a miscommunication, MIL won't mind. Let DH know that he's to check with you in future before giving anything of yours away even if he thinks you wouldn't possibly mind or that it's no longer needed.

He made an incorrect assumption, and you were upset - it happens but the way forward is to explain to him how you felt, so that he can put it right if necessary, which it's absolutely fine to ask him to do, BTW, but mainly so that he knows it's important to you and not to do that in the future.

It's totally reasonable to ask for it back and there is no need to be embarrassed to ask your DH - TBH it's probably a good exercise to do so! Sometimes if we have hang ups from old relationships we can be scared or anxious about things which we really have no need to be but this man is your husband - you need to be sure that you can correct a misunderstanding like this and know that it will be no big deal. So if you're holding back from asking him because you're anxious about it, just try it. Likely he'll be the one who is embarrassed and feel bad that he didn't think to check with you first.

Of course if you're anxious to ask because you KNOW he'll be funny about it, then that might be a red flag.

Sarahjconnor · 04/07/2018 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/07/2018 19:53

Well it clearly doesn’t hold any special memories for him, op. Why would you want it back now?

HyacinthsBucket70 · 04/07/2018 19:54

There is no way DH would ever give anything of mine away.

Does he make decisions for you a lot, OP? Or was this a genuine thoughtless moment..............

Notevilstepmother · 04/07/2018 19:55

How cheeky of her to ask him and not you. I bet she knew he’d say yes. It’s not his to give. Stand up for yourself.

gillybeanz · 04/07/2018 19:56

I've been with my dh for 30 years, I can't remember what he bought me Grin, long gone whatever it was.

Angrybird345 · 04/07/2018 20:01

Of course you can ask for it back, don’t be a mug.

diddl · 04/07/2018 20:01

""I'm so sorry, I know this sounds silly but your lovely DS bought me that purse when we were first dating and I want to keep it forever, can I buy you nice new purse instead? I know it sounds silly""

Why the fuck would Op say that?
(With a tinkly laugh & a head tilt??)

She doesn't need to explain-or buy her MIL a purse!

Orangecake123 · 04/07/2018 20:06

I would ask DH to ask for it back and tell him to replace MILs.

kimber83 · 04/07/2018 20:07

What a bizarre thing for your DH to do.

Get him to fix the problem he made - he shouldn't be giving away anyone's stuff, nevermind yours.

Very strange behaviour on his part.

Madupfam · 04/07/2018 20:09

That is a very odd thing to do just ask for it back simple really.

kimber83 · 04/07/2018 20:10

Also adding my voice to the objections against "I'm being silly" or apologising.

The op has nothing to feel silly or say sorry about.

Fucking hell, talk about minimising perfectly valid feelings!

Women are capable and should feel confident to state their wishes here, and not minimise their voice!

eggsandwich · 04/07/2018 20:12

Just get him to say to his mum “look I made a mistake the purse wasn’t mine to give away and it holds a sentimental value so can I have it back and I’ll get you a new purse”

Job done.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 04/07/2018 20:15

Well, it's embarrassing, but more embarrassing for your husband (who should have known better than to give your things away without at least asking) than anyone else-- and for MIL, if she brought up wanting the purse rather than it being offered to her out of the blue.

If she's really not particular about the kind of purse she has, it shouldn't matter whether she keeps this one or gets a different one in the near future (maybe as a gift from the two of you).

It's really not strange to want to keep a couple of bags simultaneously. I thought that most women would keep at least one "back-up" purse, even if they're not in the habit of switching between them on a regular basis. Add the sentimental value and it makes perfect sense to keep the purse.

BrownBeltMartialFartist · 04/07/2018 20:16

Get it back, any embarrassment should be on them not you so don't feel bad. It doesn't matter why you want it back really does it, it wasn't his to give and asking him instead of you is disrespectful. Let it go and it sets a precedent I wouldn't like.

kimber83 · 04/07/2018 20:19

Op why is it that you posted here instead of saying "Husband [you] gave my purse away and I’m gutted" to him?

ThePants999 · 04/07/2018 20:19

I don’t want it back tbh

I do want it back

It's no wonder he's making your mind up for you Wink

MatildaTheCat · 04/07/2018 20:26

I have a Mulberry purse which is sitting in a cupboard because it’s just too big for the majority of my bags. Use that as an excuse if the TB one is smaller, I’m currently using one from Primark but looking for a decent compact purse ( harder than it sounds).

Shumpalumpa · 04/07/2018 20:30

I’m really non confrontational

Translates as: 'I'm a yellow-bellied, lily-livered chicken.'

gamerchick · 04/07/2018 20:34

I'd make him get it back. Teach her not to be a cheeky fucker and ask while you were out of earshot and him not to give your shit away. What else has he given away?

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 04/07/2018 20:38

WTAF??

Give away something of his, something he really likes, to a neighbour, friend or just anyone random.

Three times, so he really gets the message.

What a disrespectful thing to do. I’d actually leave my man if he did that to me. I’m not even kidding.

pallisers · 04/07/2018 20:39

it wasn't his to give away. Of course you can ask for it back (and who asks for someone else's purse anyway - weird)

Call her up and say "oh DH shouldn't have given you that purse - I love it and use it and it has sentimental memories for me. But I do know what is on your wish list for birthdays and christmas now!"

If she refuses to give it back she is insane.

Returnofthesmileybar · 04/07/2018 20:39

This would really piss me off because he gave away something of mine with no right whatsoever to do so yet to ask for it back would reflect on me.

Tell him get it back and next time your possessions are not his to give away so ask him who the fuck he is giving away your stuff??? It doesn't matter how much sentimental value something has, if it's mine it's mine, I decide when I give it away and nobody else, cheeky fucker

diddl · 04/07/2018 20:40

" He said he didn’t realise I would be upset especially with a new purse."

Doesn't really matter-it wasn't his to give away.

Also it wasn't up to MIL to decide whether or not you needed it anymore.

For that reason I'd get it back even if I din't want it!

Not sure why taking it back means that IL should be bought a new purse either!