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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband gave my purse away and I’m gutted

148 replies

hattiesmumm · 04/07/2018 19:01

Hi,

It’s my birthday today and the husband bought me a lush mulberry purse. The mother in law has been round and while I was bathing Dd he gave her my old Ted baker purse to her. Apparently she asked for it as I wouldn’t need it now.

I’m really upset. It holds a lot of memories. It was the first birthday present he bought me 4 years ago. When I came downstairs she was saying how she doesn’t care what sort of purse it is but it’s better than what she’s got now.

I’m really upset. 😭 I felt like I couldn’t say anything, I’m really non confrontational.

OP posts:
Franklyyes · 04/07/2018 20:41

Why would you want someone's old purse?

Returnofthesmileybar · 04/07/2018 20:41

I just saw your update - no you do NOT have to be ok with it!!!! Get him to text "Sorry mam, I need the purse back, I wasn't thinking when I gave it away, it's Mary's and I had no right to offer it up"

pallisers · 04/07/2018 20:41

I do want it back, but I can’t ask for it back can I? I feel too embarrassed and embarrassed to make dh ask! So I suppose I just have to be okay with it!

No you don't. For goodness sake. Honestly you can own more than one purse and you REALLY need to tell you husband to stop giving away YOUR stuff or you will start giving away his stuff to your family.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 04/07/2018 20:46

And you get it back by saying to your ‘D’H that he had no right to give away something that belongs to you, and you want it back.

You do not apologise, you do not say you’re being silly (you’re not), and you certainly don’t offer to buy her a new bloody purse!

lottiegarbanzo · 04/07/2018 20:47

How odd.

It's yours, it wasn't his to give, or for her to ask.

Maybe check if he regards any of your other possessions as 'his' and is planning to give them away to other people? Weirdo (him, her and actually you, if you don't immediately ask for it back).

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/07/2018 20:51

There's been a mistake--I'd like my purse back as its mine and has sentimental value.....

Full stop...

It's good practice for you... You need to try out being assertive....

Shambu · 04/07/2018 20:52

I understand why you were upset, and the whole thing is very odd, but now it's been given to MIL, I'd just let her keep it.

Gabilan · 04/07/2018 20:56

Does MIL have form for being manipulative where her son is concerned? I just have the feeling that somehow she'll try to make you seem like the unreasonable one OP when you've done nothing unreasonable.

It's your purse. Your MIL shouldn't have asked for it. Your DH shouldn't have given it to her.

TheClitterati · 04/07/2018 20:58

How bizarre MIL didn't ask you!

Juells · 04/07/2018 21:02

Oh FFS I can't believe you're embarrassed to tell your DH to get back something of yours that he gave away without asking. That's the oddest, most daft thing I've ever heard. Will he give away your coat, next, if you buy a new one? Or a sweater? Shoes?

She shouldn't have asked for it, he shouldn't have given it.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 04/07/2018 21:04

Oh yes, I expect she’s that kind of MIL.

Manipulative, jealous and entitled, with no sense of boundaries.

SemperIdem · 04/07/2018 21:09

Honestly - she probably said it as a throaway comment and will be really touched when the significance is explained to her. What mum wouldn’t love hearing that her son had bought a loved gift for his partner that has long standing sentimental value?

Juells · 04/07/2018 21:13

What mum wouldn’t love hearing that her son had bought a loved gift for his partner that has long standing sentimental value?

The kind of mum who thinks it's OK to ask their son for their DiL's purse because she's got a new one.

I'd play a little prank on a DH who did this - in a week's time tell him you've given away something of his because someone asked for it.

Sarahjconnor · 04/07/2018 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 04/07/2018 21:14

Maybe the kind of idiot who thinks it’s appropriate to ask her son for her daughter in law’s property, and then actually happily takes it, without the consent of the daughter in law in question, and who has raised the kind of idiot who thinks that’s ok to do to his wife?

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 04/07/2018 21:16

I seriously would be livid over this. And I don’t mean Mumsnet livid. It would be the last time either of them tried something so utterly disrespectful.

iamyourequal · 04/07/2018 21:21

Clearly you and DH are miles better off than MIL and it sounds like she is happy with the crumbs from your table - the old Ted baker purse presumably being miles fancier than anything she has owned herself. I would let her have it but if you are truly upset about it then the kindest way of getting it back would be for your DH to buy his mum a lovely new purse and retrieve your old one from her.

proudestofmums · 04/07/2018 21:26

I feel your pain. Years ago before I married DH (and while I Still lived with my parents) he gave me a gorgeous nightdress for my birthday. One night when my aunt was staying over unexpectedly, my not so D M lent her that nightdress without asking me first. I was absolutely gutted because it had such sentimental value and I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else wearing it. NSDM just didnt get it.

halfwitpicker · 04/07/2018 21:30

Are you usually this decisive in real life OP?

Rebecca36 · 04/07/2018 21:35

No-one should give away your property without your permission. However, in the interests of good relations it might be best not to ask for it back. Just read the riot act to your husband so he knows never to do such a thing again (& look on ebay to see if you can find a used Ted Baker purse the same as the one you had).

Gruffalina72 · 04/07/2018 21:36

he probably just had a generous fit

Um, giving away somebody else's possessions is not generosity. Hmm

Juells · 04/07/2018 21:36

Assertiveness training is called for I think 😁

diddl · 04/07/2018 22:03

". However, in the interests of good relations it might be best not to ask for it back."

Bloody hell!

Why oh why are women advised to take into account everyone's feelings but their own?

Something of Op's was given away without her permission & she would like it back.

Why would "good relations" be affected by that?

Juells · 04/07/2018 22:06

Far from good relations, it sets a precedent - it's OK for MiL to put her eye on anything of the OP's that she fancies.

winterisstillcoming · 04/07/2018 22:27

Why not compromise and say MIL sorry DH didn't realise that I wanted to keep hold of this purse but you can borrow it unti you find something else, but can I have it back afterwards please?

Then make DH buy her a new one ASAP.