Bridesmaid won't dye her hair

[elcarmen]

My bridesmaid has dyed her hair this week a horrible pink colour and I am getting married next saturday. Am i being unreasonable to ask her to dye it back or uninvite her from the wedding?

For context she is incredibly self-centered and always wants the attention to be focused on herself and I think she has done it just to stick out in the photos.

Fwiw, I’m without you op. I’d have been miffed if one of my bridesmaids dyed their hair pink in the week before my wedding! I got slightly sunburnt before being by friends bm and was gutted just for that!

Any normal colour would obviously be fine. Your potentially having these pics up on a wall for the rest of your life and you’re always going to be drawn to the pink hair / red dress clash!

I also believe that she has done it for strange reasons however you need to ignore it. If she is trying to provoke a response, don't give her one. If you confront her, or refuse to speak to her or anything like that, she will have succeeded in making it all about her.

Ignore, smile, be a beautiful bride. Let her be the twat with the clashing hair. Your guests WILL NOT NOTICE OR CARE.

She has helped me organise every aspect of this wedding which is why i'm so shocked at her pink hair decision, she's been so invested in this wedding so i genuinly do think it's quite a big deal for her too (and it was for me when she got married). I just feel like i'm being mugged off for no reason

Kim kardAshian who I imagine would have been a total bridezilla had a blue haired kylie jenner as her bridesmaid and made less fuss than you are OP
Remember nobody remembers the bridesmaids it'll be you they're looking at

Can't see the problem, honestly.

You can still have a nice picture with her.

You could always take her swimming. Pool water takes most of it out no matter what colour my hair is.

What one's hair looks like is a far bigger decision than whether or not it's going to look odd in a few of the photos/on the day of a one-day event (that is probably no way near being the most important day of her life) tbh.

You could just say:

"You know that pink is going to clash horribly with your bridesmaids ress, but if you don't mind" and shrug.

No-one else will care.

Honestly.

I’d sack her, she sounds like she’s been a pain over the years anyway.

Ugh, the 'cool wives' are out in force today. Would you all be so blasé if it was a facial tattoo? Or a buzz Cut?

Purposely making yourself massively conspicuous for a friends wedding IS shitty.

Dick move by the bridesmaid. I would be fuming if my bridesmaids did this op!!

I'm going to be a bridesmaid soon and I've not even had my (longish) hair cut for months in anticipation of how the bride might want us to wear our hair.

She's my best mate and I want her to have the perfect day.

No fucking way op! Call her on it - revoke the bridesmaid duties but offer her an invite still.

That picture made me feel even worse

If she has dyed her hair pink she will lucky if it's still pink come the weekend. It washes out/fades really quickly.

@Emma198 if the friend has died her hair totally innocently and just because she wants to, then the OP ignoring it and being normal will not upset her.

If the friend has done it to upset the bride then she flipping well deserves the wind taken out of her sails!

Would you all be so blasé if it was a facial tattoo? Or a buzz Cut?

Dying your hair pink is not remotely similar to a facial tattoo, FFS.

Nobody will care or remember what the bridesmaids’ hair looked like. Or what the chair covers were like. Or what kind of suit the best man wore.

You’re marrying the love of your life with all your favourite people under one roof. As long as there’s food, music and booze then everyone will have an amazing time. This is a minor detail in the big scheme of things. And nobody is ever looking at the bridesmaids!

Ah, I see. What matters is the picture-perfect wedding.

Good luck with your marriage. You know, the thing that comes after that.

@jollyoldsoul I don't think "cool wives" means what you think it means.

I am totally against bridezillas but even I agree YANBU. A relative of mine turned up as a wedding guest wearing a bright yellow suit, matching tie and shoes. He thought he was being clever but everyone just thought he was a tit. They will think the same about the bridesmaid probably.

Plenty manage to just get married. It’s not a performance.

It would be nice to think so. Unfortunately for a certain subset of people, it is entirely a performance, with a cast of hundreds and a captive audience who can be starved, dehydrated, and bored to tears, as long as they don't clash with the set design.

Why is it so wrong for the bride to care what the bridesmaids looks like?? Isn't that the nature of spending so much money on venue/dress/makeup/hair/flowers/photopgrapher??? To have it actually look nice to look back on in 20 years time? I think people are being stupid flaming you so harshly. If it were me I'd look back on those photos and feel eternally irritated your friend behaved inconsiderately at best, vindictively at worst - and worse still if you don't stay friends long term.

i just wanted to take a nice picture with her as she normally looks.

OP has it crossed your mind, even once, that she might have a life outside your wedding? Or that she may have done this especially because she wanted to look extra nice for your wedding?

Please, please believe me that people will have a thousand other motives for whatever they do in the run up to your precious day that does not involve you as their number one consideration.

To be honest OP, there's not much you can do about it. As I say on a lot of threads, just be the bigger person and rise above it. Your wedding is to celebrate the union between you and your DH2B, everything else is just decoration. She'll look very try hard, and a bit desperate for attention, and you will be the dignified paragon of elegance in the big white dress. As PP have mentioned, get the photographer to take some black and white shots too.

Lots of people with red hair wear pink, why can't people with pink hair wear red? Who says it will look silly in the pictures? It might look bloody brilliant.

Still not getting why this is a problem in any way though. What if a guest turns up in shoes you don't like? What if your DF shaves his beard off (as an example), are you going to stop loving him and cancel the wedding?

Bridesmaid sounds like a dick.

My advice?

1. Ignore her
2. tell everyone else not to mention the hair, but to keep telling her how lovely her dress/flowers/shoes are
3. make sure you look fucking fabulous.

Oh and have an amazing day!