Bridesmaid won't dye her hair

[elcarmen]

My bridesmaid has dyed her hair this week a horrible pink colour and I am getting married next saturday. Am i being unreasonable to ask her to dye it back or uninvite her from the wedding?

For context she is incredibly self-centered and always wants the attention to be focused on herself and I think she has done it just to stick out in the photos.

Maybe she wanted pink hair.

Her hair, her choice
If you asked me to redye my hair to suit your wedding, id laugh at you. Your 1 day dont affect how id live my life on any other day, including hair colour choices, new tatts or piercings
Its one day, supposed to be about sharing it with whos there, not getting all bridezilla and narky over pink hair

I totally get you, OP. You had a vision of how your wedding party would look, and this wasn't it.
Also, sure, anyone can do what they want to their own body. But you feel she deliberately did this to mess with you. THAT is the issue.
At least she didn't surprise you on the day, you have a little while to get used to it.
I think you have to reconsider the friendship based on the various things you've said, not just this.

Let her have her pink hair. Don't have her in the photos, or get a couple with her then ask her to stand aside while you get the rest done. Have her stand on the edge during the ceremony so you have the option of photoshopping her out. Don't acknowledge her in speeches etc so she is not brought to attention. She'll be the one who regrets her decision, try not to let it ruin your day.

Not gonna lie, this would really upset me.

To all posters saying that it's not a big deal and her wedding isn't the most important thing in the universe to everyone else, have a heart!

The OP has put a lot of effort/money into this day and now part of it has been marred. -Intentionally or not- this girl is in the bridal party, there will be professional photos taken of her which could last a lifetime, and every time OP looks at the photos she will be reminded of it.

My suggestion going forward would be to just ignore it. if she asks what you think of her new hair just say you like the new length or whatever but do not comment on the colour. If she directly says something about the new colour and it potentially clashing with her dress then you know she did it on purpose for whatever reason, and know this is a 'friend' to be wary of going forward.

Keep the photos of her to a minimum and make most of them black and white. I'd even be tempted to get her hair photoshopped back to brunette in any colour photos you want to keep for your wedding album.

If she asks why you photoshopped them you just say 'its just hair, you wanted it pink on the day, I prefer it to be like this in my pictures'.

Don't let it ruin your day! Xx

It totally depends on how good a dye job and hair cut. My friend who was my bridesmaid had blue and purple hair at my wedding and it looked great. She had her hair done professionally and used the right products to keep it in good condition. I've seen plenty of other dye jobs (including those on my own head) which look terrible.

The issue you have is that you are asking her to strip the colour from her hair. It could well look worse doing this even if it's done professionally.

Omg i would be so angry. If she was someone who frequently had different coloured hair, or if she had gone from brunette to blonde or a soft strawberry blonde, even black, it wouldn't have bothered me, but to go from brunette to a pink that you know will stand out and clash with the dress, a week before being a bridesmaid, well that reeks of being a self centred brat.

FWIW I didnt ask my bridesmaids to change anything about their appearances AND i paid for their dresses, hair and makeup so I dont think I'm an unreasonable person. But this would have definitely upset me. It does seem like a pointed effort to upset the bride.

I would also be upset. I don't think you are being unreasonable and I cannot believe some of responses on here. I feel for you OP.

I remember a thread where the MIL was going to wear a white dress to a wedding and posters were suggesting the bride sabotage the dress before hand.

If you feel it would be a constant niggle in your day then stepnher down. Perhaps send her a jokey text saying, as you are seeking attention with you new hair colour then I have asked the DJ to play Beauty School Drop Out for you at the reception.

"Perhaps send her a jokey text saying, as you are seeking attention with you new hair colour then I have asked the DJ to play Beauty School Drop Out for you at the reception."

That would not be a jokey text. It would be a passive aggressive end of friendship text.

When I look back on our wedding day the BMs weren't a huge feature. They're in some photos and I walked down the aisle with them behind me but I didn't do much else with them in ththe day. I really can't see why the hair colour of one matters.

Anyway did the Op hear back from her? Too much to scroll back through.

Twenty four pages.. And we don't find out what the cat was called?

Gutted.

If I am being honest I do not understand all the fuss about pink hair. It's hair and it's pink and ?????
Tis a minor matter and not worth a second thought in my opinion but then I tend not to judge on appearance so she could have it tartan and I wouldn't bat an eye. All that would matter is that she was there to share my happy day.

I managed to avoid this kind of misery before my wedding by choosing people I actually liked to be my bridesmaids if anyone else here is planning a wedding there's a pro tip for ya

Of course yabu, she can do what the fuck she likes. I'm sure she just wanted to look nice for the wedding. She's your bridesmaid, you don't own her. Not a single person will care except for you. Get over it and move on.

If pink hair is more important to her then it's probably for the best if he stay away. I think she is trying to upstage you. Is she a frenemy?

I can understand your upset OP. Pink is a really really cheap nasty hair colour if it is done professionally, let alone a home dye kit. My only instinct would be that she's trying to piss you off for something, and I wouldn't think she's a very good friend after pulling such a stunt.

But don't make waves, enjoy your wedding and at the end of the day, she's the one everyone will be looking at thinking WTF has she done..........not you.

Of course you can't demand she changes her hair colour for your wedding.

I doubt someone would calculate having their hair dyed just to stick out in your photos I doubt she'll even be that noticeable unless she's jumping in front of you or doing ridiculous poses in each one.

I'm sure she just wanted to look nice for the wedding

Yeah right.

I would t like it.
Can you say the bridesmaids are having their hair pinned up, would that look better?

*People working themselves into an almighty frenzy over a few hours instead of just turning up and having the craic.

"Just turning up and having the craic " is what I would do for a random birthday party that happens every year, not a wedding.

Can you say the bridesmaids are having their hair pinned up, would that look better?

Of course you can't! What if they want it down?

Not in the least bit cheap or nasty. Beautiful.

Are people really calling pink hair cheap /nasty?

I think it looks gorgeous. Obviously depending on the person but you can look really really lovely with pink hair. It's a fairly vibrant colour though so maybe that's why OP was worried about attention being drawn in photos?

Lila every bride I've ever own has had the last say in how she'd like her bridesmaids hair. That's what happens on YOUR wedding day. You get to call the shots.

I have to agree that it's a strange thing to do before a wedding when you know what colour dress you wearing. I wouldn't have wanted that on my photos forever personally, I would have asked the photographers to alter the photos for me to brunette.

Maybe you can just ask her why she did it and see what her reason was?

I don't blame you for being upset, OP. Based on your updates as well, she does sound rather attention seeking.