Bridesmaid won't dye her hair

[elcarmen]

My bridesmaid has dyed her hair this week a horrible pink colour and I am getting married next saturday. Am i being unreasonable to ask her to dye it back or uninvite her from the wedding?

For context she is incredibly self-centered and always wants the attention to be focused on herself and I think she has done it just to stick out in the photos.

The dresses are inanimate objects. Your friend is a person you’ve asked to be a special part of your wedding and you should love regardless of what she looks like. That’s the difference...

Op honestly, you're being unreasonable. It's ridiculous that you're fretting over this. You asked her to be your bridesmaid, that doesn't mean you have a right to dictate what she does with her body. Get a grip!

I'll say it again, you're being ridiculous!

But dresses and hair are both " inanimate". Both are for looks. Why is the op OK to chose a dress but not to like a change in hair colour.

I'd change her bridesmaid dress to a nice brown or beige. Cos hey, it's just stuff right and not important.

@elcarmen has she replied to your text?

Hair is part of the person. I never said she should change either. I think she’s being a dick to compare her friend to a dress in equal importance. If she felt like that then she shouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid.

Someone who dyes their hair to a bright colour a week before they are bridesmaid for a wedding for attention / reaction is a bitch

Or maybe they just aren't thinking about the wedding because it isn't a very big deal for them? Maybe they aren't making decisions about their body based on 'that thing I'm doing for 8 hours next Saturday' because it's one fucking day.

For what it's worth, one of my bridesmaids shaved her head three weeks before my wedding. It was not even remotely an issue. Because her hair did not impact on the vows, stop her walking down the aisle with me, or dancing at the reception. And I didn't say anything because I was not under the impression that being a bride meant I had any rights over my bridesmaid's actual bodies.

Lifes too short - does it really matter - its just a hair colour

If she has done nasty things in the past and this fits a pattern I would think about her motives.
Everyone can do as they please to themselves. However there are the reasons why you do it.
If it's her style not out of character that's fair enough.
If it's to outshine or spoil a theme then that's cruel. A week is no time to wait.

If it's the later , that's not a friendship.

I understand that you have a vision of what the photos will be like and that wasn't in it.

Most people can wait to change hair etc. A week isn't a violation of their right to express themselves. Anyway many hairdressers are booked for a month or so in advance so we don't have a choice.

I think there are hard choices to be made. Ask her not to be bridesmaid or suck it up.

Perhaps rethink photos. Talk to your photographer. How can he arrange it to minimise impact. From positioning to toning colour down in photo. Having different combinations. Making sure she is slightly further back or not right next to the main focus in the picture.

“It’s a day I’ve been dreaming of my whole life”. There’s your problem right there. Have a word with yourself and just check you actually want the marriage as well as the wedding. Cos ones a party and the other really isn’t.

OP I really feel for you, I would of also been super p'd at this. It's a very strange thing to do a week before the wedding!! Do you think it's a joke and she's just winding you up? I don't think I would of managed not to ask wtf she was playing at.
Honestly though, I (shamefuly admit) i was a complete bridezilla and wanted every single detail of my wedding to be perfect but once the wedding was over I realised that a lot of the things I stressed about really didn't matter and actually felt a bit ridiculous about some of the things I ask people to do. I'm torn here but I really think you will regret sacking her as a bridesmaid because of the colour of her hair

Have a word with yourself and just check you actually want the marriage as well as the wedding. Cos ones a party and the other really isn’t.

Me and DP are long-term co-habiting and have a baby. It would be no different in terms of relationship if we got married.

“It’s a day I’ve been dreaming of my whole life”. There’s your problem right there. Have a word with yourself and just check you actually want the marriage as well as the wedding. Cos ones a party and the other really isn’t.

^THIS. 100%.

If she's frequently got different coloured hair then I would say you knew what you were getting yourself in to, however if she is always brunette and then out of the blue randomly decides to go pink then that is pretty shady.
Personally I don't think it's a nice thing to do to your friend, she should have waited till after the wedding, I get that it's her hair but I don't think it's appropriate to make such a drastic change at the last minute. It does seem attention seeking.
Good luck with your wedding OP. X

All my friends have alternative hair colours. Some even have facial tattoos. Pink hair is really not that unusual, get over it.

She's died her hair pink not fashioned it into a life-size representation of the eiffel tower ffs. Literally no one will bat an eye. Your friend will remember this and probably most definitely think less of you.

It’s just a day, but it’s probably the most expensive and longest planned day you’ll ever have. I get why you’re upset OP. On mumsnet everyone is cool with everything, competitively so.

If she was long term pink, I’d have chosen a dress colour that looked good with it. It wouldn’t have been red. It’s done though. You need to get over this before the resentment stops you enjoying the day.

Lol at the engagement party. Did she ruin your prom too?

Sorry OP you’re getting a tough time
But you are being a twat.

im sorry this is upsetting you before your wedding tho. Take a pill and suck it up or it’ll ruin your day.

@HeresMe

She's suddenly chosen to dye her hair pink when she's bridesmaid when she's never randomly dyed her hair before

She could easily have waited an extra week till after the wedding. The timing clearly shows she wanted a reaction / attention

It's hair. Just hair. Don't stress OP.

I don't think it's particularly unreasonable to be disappointed one of your bridesmaids decided to do this in the run up to there wedding. You seem to have been spectacularly flamed for no good reason. Dying your hair pink is certainly a 'look at me' decision and given you'll have been planning your wedding for some time expecting her to last another week is perfectly fair.

I can see both sides. My teenager was a bridesmaid and waited till after the wedding to dye her hair as it does seem to people who are into weddings the photos are as important as the day, and I can see pink hair somewhat dominating the photos. I'd probably suggest just being nice but honest and saying 'I know this sounds really twattish but I'm actually really worrying about my photos with your new hair colour'
Having dabbled with pink hair, it's a bloody pain and washes out really fast, so it could be she was planning on using a colour remover before the wedding. But if not maybe you could agree to some photos with and some without? I don't know if that's a bit rude, but perhaps between you you could find a way round it?

Another one here who wouldn't have liked it either op.

Just good etiquette not to make any bold or unusual style choices for a wedding where you are the bridesmaid.

I'd be cross if my bridesmaid dyed her hair pink, shaved all her hair off, had a green mohican, wore black lipstick or any other standout choices that weren't typical for that person.

But I also wouldn't have given her the satisfaction of commenting on it, since I assume she did it to annoy you. Just let her turn up, look daft both in person and in photos, have everyone wonder why she did it just before the wedding, and enjoy your day.

Just leave it off, one of my bm got a big ugly tattoo a couple of weeks before my wedding and made a big fuss about wearing a stupid cover up over her dress on the day. It looked ridiculous but in hindsight the pictures that matter to me from that day are the ones of me and dh. It's not worth annoying yourself.

so she thought she would look nice for the wedding, how dare she

Bridezillas should produce a manual of do's and don't for their bridesmaids and guests BEFORE they accept and decline the invitation.
You can't win, some bridezillas want ugly bridesmaids not to feel upstaged, others put theirs in bootcamp to make them skinny so the photos look better.

I am fairly conservative in taste and that's not for me, but I think all these look gorgeous. Friends making an effort for your wedding.. how is that ever negative for any normal person?