Bridesmaid won't dye her hair

[elcarmen]

My bridesmaid has dyed her hair this week a horrible pink colour and I am getting married next saturday. Am i being unreasonable to ask her to dye it back or uninvite her from the wedding?

For context she is incredibly self-centered and always wants the attention to be focused on herself and I think she has done it just to stick out in the photos.

@TheMonkeyMummy We didnt have the traditional wedding some family members wanted. Basically, didn’t conform and they staged a boycott, trying to get others to do the same. Nasty bullying type stuff. Grim and very damaging for future relationships.

It's cock all with being vain. The photos will be looked at for years to come. Pink hair would look out of place and plain old ridiculous.

Let's hope op doesn't have any friends who are a different ethnicity, overweight or disabled eh? They'd totally ruin the photos.

It IS unacceptable to police what people WEAR!

That’s not actually true though.

There are all sorts of situations in daily life where there are specific expectations of dress codes.

It’s disingenuous to suggest that it’s fine to turn up at a wedding in jeans or whatever.

I think you’ve hard a hard time on this thread OP.

We’ve had threads on MN about how inappropriate it is for a guest to wear a red dress to a wedding (ffs) because it steals attention from the bride.

If it had been a MIL who dyed her hair pink MN would have exploded in indignation.

I think there have been some pretty unkind comments to the OP on this thread. It doesn’t show MN in a good light at all.

IRL I think most women I know would have raised an eyebrow about a friend choosing such a radical change a week before being a bridesmaid.

In your position I’d say no more about it to your friend OP. I would imagine she won’t look great but that’s her choice.

I’d also quietly speak to the photographer and see what they suggest. A previous poster suggested getting a selection of pictures in black and white - that seems like a good solution.

Don’t mention the photos to your BM at all, she doesn’t need to know about any changes or accommodations you are making.

Personally I’d make sure there was one of her in her full glory and give it to her as a gift.

Let's hope op doesn't have any friends who are a different ethnicity, overweight or disabled eh? They'd totally ruin the photos.

Gorgon what a ridiculous and irrelevant statement.

I’m a little embarrassed on your behalf.

Omg I would sooo let her come, then when the photos are being taken make sure she is positioned right at the back or asked to step out of the frame for the main ones.
Obviously dying her hair is her free choice and having the photos how you want them and not ruining your wedding day is your choice.
She can't have the hump with that. It's your day not hers and i suppose she needs to learn that actions have consequences!!

Lol I'm going to be in my chair when I'm a bridesmaid. I'm blinging it up with fairy lights.

I’m genuinely baffled that people are so outraged and horrified by pink hair. Do you people live in a tiny bubble with only natural haired people? How boring your lives must be if pink hair is noteworthy.

OP I think you're getting a really hard time here. Many brides select outfits and hairstyles for their bridesmaids and the general attitude is "if the bride pays she can choose". That seems reasonable to most people. I've grown my hair longer at the request of brides so it could be put in a specific updo and not thought anything of it; I'd suggest that common courtesy would dictate that a bridesmaid would ask before doing something like dye their hair pink!

I'd be upset too; and as something similar happened with one of my wedding party I totally get where you're coming from - every time I look at the photos I cringe. I just didn't know about it until the day arrived otherwise I would have said something too.

@BishopBrennansArse you sound awesome!

I'm different that's for sure 😂

AWoman I am not outraged by pink hair. I don't particularly like it but hey ho. It's the fact this woman has dyed her hair so near to her good friends wedding and where she's a bridesmaid that I think stinks.

It's cock all with being vain. The photos will be looked at for years to come.

No the only people who look at old wedding

I love pink hair and would have NO problem with having a pink-haired BM.

I think you're upset because of the reasons why you are imagining she did this. It might be that she wants to look nice for your special day and didn't think it through properly??

How do you feel about calling her and asking her why she has done this now?

Remember to tell her you love her and really want her there.

It's cock all with being vain. The photos will be looked at for years to come.

The only people who will be looking is the bride and bride groom if they are still together no one else cares.

A wedding is a day out in a lot of peoples life it's no massive Impact it really isn't.

That you, an adult woman, thinks a marriage between two people, is about the bride.

No. It's about the marriage between two people - so the centre of the day is the bride and the groom. It's a day I've been dreaming of my whole life, DP isn't as fussed about weddings... He doesn't walk past a shop full of suits and think "wedding", whereas I love looking at the dresses in bridal shop windows and imagining which one I would wear. The bride making the walk down the aisle etc... It usually is more bride-centred from what I see of weddings.

The only people who will be looking is the bride and bride groom if they are still together no one else cares

Their parents and their children, aunts and uncles etc? You don't ever look through old photos?

Right so because wedding planning is your hobby, probably as a result of too much Disney, you’ve decided that the whole world should revolve around all brides on their wedding day.

What is it that people fear from people seeing one of their bridesmaids with pink hair?

Their parents and their children, aunts and uncles etc? You don't ever look through old photos?

What would be the problem with any of these people, some of which will have been at the wedding and seen the pink hair, seeing it in a photo? who is being harmed by this photograph of a woman with pink hair? I just do not get it.

OP, you're obviously very conservative, that's fine. Let me reassure you. I got married in the mid 80s. I'd like you to imagine some of the hairstyles. Clothes. Glasses. Earrings. Do you know what? It didn't matter then, doesn't matter now. We're still happily married more than 30 years later and my sister still laughs at her bubble perm!!

Their parents and their children, aunts and uncles etc? You don't ever look through old photos

From to time to time I do but in reality people may make odd glance but people don't really care as much as you think, but I'm not sort to get offended at a picture I don't like as someome has hair I don't like.

OP one of my bm's decided to get a tattoo sleeve started the week of my wedding. I'm not against tattoos per se but it was red, starting to scab and really stood out due to its rawness. I didn't say anything despite being fuming that she couldn't wait a few days but she was embarrassed on the day as lots of people commented on it. I had the photographer photoshop it out. It looks lovely now.

You sound like a shit friend. You clearly don't like her. Just let her bow out now so you don't end up being a mard arse all day at your wedding because someone did their hair in a way you don't like. Do you know how hard it is to go from brunette to pink? I doubt she's dropped over £100 just to wind you up!

Right so because wedding planning is your hobby, probably as a result of too much Disney, you’ve decided that the whole world should revolve around all brides on their wedding day.

Not the whole world, nice hyperbole. I didn't like Princess Disney films, more Bambi and Fox & The Hound. And personally I'd be fine with pink hair at my wedding, I would have just wished she would have told me beforehand with enough time to change the bridesmaid dresses, because I think pink with a red dress is awful. Guests it doesn't really matter but the bridesmaid is part of the main ensemble and will be walking down the aisle, I'd like them not to clash.

I don't see why friends and family who love you etc would begrudge a bride that. I had pink hair and bleached it out for my aunt's wedding because she's super conservative with hair and fashion (which I disagree with her about anyway). I loved my pink hair, but figured I could just dye it again once the day was over. I have my whole life to have pink hair, that was my aunt's one wedding day.

@AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale

A sensible voice of reason.
As a feminist I really can't get behind performance weddings.