Bridesmaid won't dye her hair

[elcarmen]

My bridesmaid has dyed her hair this week a horrible pink colour and I am getting married next saturday. Am i being unreasonable to ask her to dye it back or uninvite her from the wedding?

For context she is incredibly self-centered and always wants the attention to be focused on herself and I think she has done it just to stick out in the photos.

Can she not come to the wedding but not be a bridesmaid? Then she won't clash with the bridesmaid dress, won't be in as many photos, etc.

OPs oldest and dearest friend? Really? Demoted to guest because She has pink hair? People seem confused about what friendship is.

I don't see what's so wrong about the bride being the focus of the day.

That’s the problem.

I don't understand why you two are still friends when from your posts you seem to have a history of doing things to deliberately wind up the other.
That's not what friends do - life is crap enough without puerile wankery on top.

There are some super laid back ex-brides on here,

Not everyone sees their wedding as a massive big deal that has to be some picture perfect fairytale. Some people just want to have a fun day and throw a party for their friends and family to enjoy.

the stress before a wedding is immense

You say that like it applies to all weddings it doesn’t. Some people don’t plan big stressful performance weddings, they just get married, and enjoy the day. Not everyone buys into the whole “everything has to be perfect and look perfect and sound perfect and be about the bride from 18months before the actual wedding and every year afterwards on their anniversary”

Well aren't you a big ball of loveliness op?! Seriously, the more stroppy you get, the more people will take the piss out of you. You came on asking if yabu and it's fairly unanimous! So I guess you just need to suck it up. It's just hair. All eyes will be on you so let it go.

Skipped to the end because I was sure it was a reverse.

YABU

If she’s your oldest and dearest friend I’d hate to see how you treat your less dear friends!

Your wedding is about celebrating your marriage with the people you love. Not about acting like a toddler who’s never heard the word no.

There's another type of wedding. A traditional wedding. In my circle we all had the same wedding basically. No stress at all. But more importantly NO PINK HAIR

I gotta say, I'm laid back but I would expect a BM (I didn't have any myself) to ask if making a radical change like that the week before, which I would have been fine with, but if you were unhappy, you'd have the option to say 'Thanks for asking, could it wait until after the wedding please?'

I'd say OP should just suck it up though - weird coloured hair is really not that unusual or shocking these days.

Presumably you asked her to be bridesmaid because she’s one of your closest friends and you want her there with you and not because you needed a prop for pictures?

Presumably you are marrying your husband-to-be because you love him and want to spend your life with him, and not because you wanted a day at playing Celebrities?

I don’t see how pink hair has an impact on either of those things. Unless you hired her as some kind of Professional Bridesmaid and are paying her an hourly rate, you have no right or reason to get your knickers in a twist about this!

At my wedding, my brothers girlfriend turned up in the same, unusual shoes as me. She was mortified; I really couldn’t have cared less, I just wanted her there and was honoured she travelled to attend. Get some perspective, are pictures really more important to you than your friendship?

Before the last update, I was convinced that the OP had been an absolutely unbearable bridezilla and the only thing keeping pink haired bridesmaid going was her plan to stick it to her by dying her hair pink the week before her wedding. New info re the engagement party etc though makes her sound a bit nutty and attention seeking.

I understand your annoyance. Ignore the unnecessary, bitchy comments about the colour of your dresses - I don't understand why some people are so fucking rude and feel the need to derail the thread. The naming of the kitten is just bizarre . She does seem attention seeking. Try to rise above it but I would re consider your friendship.

“she announced her pregnancy at my engagement party”

So what. I really don’t understand why it matters so much. If you have friends in common a party where all your friends are gathered in one place is a great way to make an announcement. Instead of feeling that I wasn’t the centre of attention any more I would have been happy for her and turned it into a double celebration.

The kitten naming is weird though. But I am completely failing to understand why her dyeing her hair is such a problem. Something like that just wouldn’t bother me. You do come across as rather self-absorbed.

That’s the problem.
Why would that be a problem?

A good friend would have waited a week.

derxa I am very vain. My DH called it 'your wedding'. We've managed to be happily married for over 30 years though.

Good that you've got enough self-knowledge to recognise your extreme vanity, but it doesn't actually make it OK.

It's a horrible, embarrassing way to behave, but don't see what bearing it has on the length of your marriage. Why the non sequitur? Unless you're trying to make some point about certain people liking to married to egomaniacs?

if your husband-to-be turns up with bright pink hair, you may have a point. One of your bridesmaids? As long as the dye doesn't run onto your dress or something

Unless you're trying to make some point about certain people liking to married to egomaniacs? My DH is an introvert and I'm an extrovert. It's not unusual. We're totally suited. Thanks.

I still don't understand, derxa , why you think anyone else in the world should give a toss about your personality or your husband's personality or should want to participate in your festival celebrating yourself?

Actually, there was huge stress before my wedding. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. People actually did try to ruin ‘my’ day (not a pink hair in sight) and it was awful. It really put into perspective what our wedding and our marriage meant to me and therefore, I couldn’t have given the biggest shiny shite about clothing/hair colour/makeup choices. I had the best day anyway and the best revenge I could’ve had was having them all see and hear what a fanfuckingtastic time was had by all, despite their best efforts.

So I do sympathise a bit but you do need to get some perspective OP. Marriage and commitment is hard. You need a good solid foundation to build it on. Don’t put a crack in it because of pink hair. Save that for something worth it.

That’s the problem.
Why would that be a problem?

That you, an adult woman, thinks a marriage between two people, is about the bride.

Anyone else bored with the pink haired bridesmaid and dying to know the kitten’s name? I reckon Darren. Or Stuart

@kierenthecommunity, I want to know what happened at @DiddimusStench and how people tried to spoil it! #nosy

Keith the kitten

She has replied to my text saying that she won't come to the wedding if I she has to have natural hair. I don't know what to do, she was so invested in helping me organise the wedding until this week!

So she’s put time and effort into your wedding and you’ve turned round at the last second and had a go at her for making a personal choice to dye her hair.

I can see why she’d be a tiny bit hurt tbh OP.

um

I really hate people who turn their wedding into the most enormous vanity circus

but even I think this sounds deliberate and very odd.