To be pissed off with father of my unborn baby?

[Selladoor]

I don't think I am being, but just wanted a moan found out I was pregnant about 4 weeks ago with someone very casual. I told the father right away, who initially talked the talk, but in reality hasn't been there for me at all. Haven't told my family yet. He's friends with my brothers and he's even hinted he wants me to keep the fact that he's the father a secret! So that gives me a good idea of how much involvement he wants to have. This situation has apparently 'stressed him out massively', yet he's been going on benders, managed to spark up a relationship with a new woman (who he obviously hasn't told yet) and they're even openly discussing planning holidays etc right under my nose on social media! While I get to sit here getting fatter and wondering how the hell I'm going to do this alone.

I hope if you have learnt anything from his thread it is to never post in AIBU if you are looking for a handhold . Use the relationships board in future.

The misogynistic BS on here is laughable, really. I snorted at the PP that said ‘poor guy in a casual relationship thinking his partner was using contraception’- really?! One thing we should all teach our sons is to always use a condom unless they are happy to have a child with that person. It’s different if you are in a long term stable relationship and know for a fact your DP has contraception or wouldn’t mind if that failed but in casual circumstances? Always rubber up guys, Jesus.

As far as the law goes, he doesn’t have to legally have anything to do with this child if he doesn’t wish to and I would personally start wrapping your head around that being a very possible reality. Sad for your child, sure but there’s nothing you can legally do about it. Same goes for child maintenance actually. Unless you get him to attend the registration of birth you would have to drag him through the court system, he would need a paternity test and only then would they make him pay CM. Sucks but there you go, this is the very real and messy reality of unplanned pregnancies within casual relationships guys.

Bloody hell, I usually read the full thread before posting but I have only read up to page 3 because I am cringing so much at the meanness on this thread. Sending you unmumsnetty hugs and support op, enjoy your baby and I hope the father pays his dues.

I know a few families who introduced a new baby to an eight year old daughter. In every case, the baby was adored!!!

I don’t doubt it, I never said that wasn’t possible. It’s also not guaranteed. Doesn’t matter anyway, baby is happening.

Aww thanks lovely ladies!! I think I've grown thicker skin since first posting thankfully

mousefunky I'm not planning on claiming maintenance in any case, but the father has got to prove he's NOT the father rather than the other way round.

And mousefunky amen to not posting in AIBU!

God, there are some truly unpleasant people on this thread.

OP, best of luck with your pregnancy, move, pay rise etc. I’m sure it will all work out well.

Jeez, is the heat getting to some people or what?!?

OP, good luck and co gratulations. Glad everything is working out better than anticipated

I agree with the above, some awful posters on this thread. I've bought up two children alone, both are now adults with good careers and are in stable relationships. You can do this op, I wish you all the best with your pregnancy