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Original poster

To be pissed off with father of my unborn baby?

134 replies

Selladoor · 02/07/2018 16:16

I don't think I am being, but just wanted a moan Sad found out I was pregnant about 4 weeks ago with someone very casual. I told the father right away, who initially talked the talk, but in reality hasn't been there for me at all. Haven't told my family yet. He's friends with my brothers and he's even hinted he wants me to keep the fact that he's the father a secret! So that gives me a good idea of how much involvement he wants to have. This situation has apparently 'stressed him out massively', yet he's been going on benders, managed to spark up a relationship with a new woman (who he obviously hasn't told yet) and they're even openly discussing planning holidays etc right under my nose on social media! While I get to sit here getting fatter and wondering how the hell I'm going to do this alone.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 02/07/2018 23:13

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Watchingthecloudsflyby · 02/07/2018 23:15

Oh grow up Dynamite.

Sell you sound like you can cope with this so give him a chance before baby comes, give him a chance once baby is here then put in a claim for child support.

Definitely tell your family he is the father

littlemissdynamite · 02/07/2018 23:42

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Original poster
Selladoor · 02/07/2018 23:47

34 mrselija and yes, old enough to know nothing good can come from sleeping with the arsehole gym boy!! You're not wrong, on both accounts...

OP posts:
Original poster
Selladoor · 02/07/2018 23:50

I've NEVER said I would have to live off benefits, I said I don't know how it manage. As it happens, I've got a buyer for my house and there's a lot more equity than I thought work have told me I can work flexibly which means I can halve my childcare costs. Inconsistencies, or have things just progressed?? Seriously folk will take the time to troll hunt absolutely anything on MN

OP posts:
Original poster
Selladoor · 02/07/2018 23:53

Barely know, I've known him for 20 years. Jezza Kyle for having casual sex?? Shocked to realise he doesnt want to play happy families, where have I alluded to that?? Seriously, some folk can just be so fucking nasty. Thanks to the nice posters among you.

OP posts:
WaggyMama · 02/07/2018 23:54

What's all this 'give him a chance' . Poor bloke. He had a quick shag with someone using contraception. He didn't sign up for a long loving relationship.

And a termination is available if desired - criticising posters suggesting this with comments like 'disgusting' is saying a termination is 'disgusting'. Which it is not.

Original poster
Selladoor · 02/07/2018 23:56

I was on the pill. I never mentioned it as I didn't see it as a big thing, the fact is, I'm pregnant regardless! And I was on the pill when I conceived my DD, so I expected to get flamed for that. Fucking he'll anything else you want to interrogate?

Littlemiss, you must be incoherent to misunderstand my posts so grossly. JK would love you xx

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Original poster
Selladoor · 02/07/2018 23:59

I agree with you waggymamma, and definitely NOT what I want from him which I've stated from the start. And I'm definitely not anti-abortion, I just don't need to do this.

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 03/07/2018 00:00

I can't believe some of the misogynistic posts on this thread.

The gist of what some people are saying is she can hardly expect him to want the baby when the relationship was casual so she should either abort or accept her fate as single unsupported mother. Her own fault.

This man was in a casual sexual relationship too, he was present for the contraception failure too. He is equally to blame and by law equally responsible for the care of this child.

Pro choice means allowing women to have a choice not bullying someone into thinking they should abort unless circumstances are entirely perfect for the baby and that any other decision is selfish/stupid. She has said she doesn't want to abort and yet peoole are still trying to persuade her. That is at best morally questionable. Had she said she was going to abort and someone tried to persuade her otherwise they would be hammered on here.

It's pro-choice and she has made her choice so stop bullying her.

PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:03

Why would you be on the pill if you thought you were infertile ? I don’t believe you and I think you’ll tell yourself and anyone who wants to listen to you that you did take precautions . It’s like a get out card for how stupid you’ve behaved . By all means have the baby but don’t blame anyone but yourself for the situation you find yourself in .

Original poster
Selladoor · 03/07/2018 00:04

Thank you, fruitcorner

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Fruitcorner123 · 03/07/2018 00:05

purple there is actually one other person who is equally to blame. Not.so sure why everyone is so keen to let him off the hook

also don't see with it's relevant whether she used contraception or not.

Original poster
Selladoor · 03/07/2018 00:05

I was on the pill from.14, well before I started having sex, as my periods were irregular and extremely heavy without it. Anything further for the interrogation??

OP posts:
PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:05

I don’t think she should abort the baby at all . I do think she should own up to the situation.

Original poster
Selladoor · 03/07/2018 00:07

I'm getting this thread deleted as there are some right nasty folk around when I assumed I was posting on a support forum. My fault for posting here. Thank you all to all the supportive ladies.

OP posts:
PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:07

Who said he should be let off the hook ? I think it’s madness to have a baby who isn’t wanted by both parents . If that’s misogynistic then so be it .

Original poster
Selladoor · 03/07/2018 00:08

Own up about what??? Yes I had sex!! Ffs I've never denied that! What a complete bitch you sound

OP posts:
PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:08

It’s not nasty to disagree with you

Salavart62 · 03/07/2018 00:09

Purple you know there’s loads of reasons besides contraception why someone would be on the pill.
Even so if you are “unlikely to conceive” the op is sensible enough to have a back up. Just bad luck it failed.

When oh when will proper male contraception be made available!?

Original poster
Selladoor · 03/07/2018 00:10

Disagree with fucking what?? Just fuck off responding, I've posted here wrongly for support and I've went from feeling just unhappy to something horrendous. Just fuck off.

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PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:11

Own up to the fact that it wasn’t that much of an accident . An accident is something that can’t be foreseen . You had a one night drunken shag with a bloke you’re not even in a relationship with and you’re surprised he doesn’t want to know .
Why do you need to resort to name calling ?

PurpleTigerLove · 03/07/2018 00:14

There is male contraception , it’s called a condom .

Fruitcorner123 · 03/07/2018 00:14

purple nobody else used the term let off the hook but the implication in many of the posts is that it's the OP's own fault and she should have known he wouldn't want the baby so she should abort a baby she wants (which would let him off the hook) or raise it without any input from him and just accept that (thus also letting him off the hook)

She has every right to expect him to be a dad to this child because he is the child's father. He can choose to be a deadbeat dad but that's not her fault.

and plenty of babies are born in less than ideal circumstances

FlyingMonkeys · 03/07/2018 00:14

You're both consenting adults who embarked on a casual relationship that resulted in an unexpected pregnancy that you've chosen to proceed with. That's the situation and clearly involves both parties equally. He's eligible for child maintenance but he's legally not going to be forced into maintaining a relationship with the child if he's not interested. Morally right or wrong that's his choice as much as you continuing the pregnancy is as much your choice. But being pissed off that he's "living it up and starting a new relationship", is absolutely none of your business because that's also his choice and not a thing to do with your life. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope things all turn out well.