Horrid texts about me on MILs phone, should I say something

[Raspberryberetthekindyoufind]

DH, DS (five) are on holiday abroad with inlaws and I have no signal on my phone so I borrowed MILs phone to ring my mum as it’s her birthday today. As I was about to make the phone call a message from SIL (we hate each other) came through saying “I am glad the stupid bitch is not spoiling it this year for you all”
So wanting to know what this was about I did check MILs messages only to find many messages to SIL saying “thank gods the fits have “stayed away” this year” and “the lazy cow is pulling her weight this year” then messages back from SIL saying “it’s his fault he knew when he marriages her she had them” and “don’t know how he puts up with her”
Back story last year we went away and I had quite a few seizures (I am epileptic) and for two days I was completely floored and was told by DH to either sleep inside or just stay on the sunbed. I did have about five other seizures which knocked me out for a hour or so.
There is also a message on the phone to MILs best friend saying the same things she has messaged to SIL with best friend replying back “glad your holiday is not ruined this year”
I just feel like shit now and dont know what to do. If the message had not popped up from SIL I would never have checked MILs phone. I don’t know what to do I felt so guilty last year and MIL and FIL kept saying “it’s ok” and “don’t worry you cant help it”.
I now know MIL was prob slagging me off to all in sundry about her wrecked holiday. I know for a fact DH stayed with them the whole time last year with DS and left them in peace by the pool one of the days I was out of it and took DS to the beach
Feel like total shit I don’t know if I should say something now, tell DH, wait till we get home or just leave it

I know its hurtful but she has the right to say whatever she likes behind your back. As long as she’s civil around you and doesn’t bad mouth you to your kids / DH then you can’t police what she says about you elsewhere. Just cool things off with her on a personal basis.

Poor you OP that must’ve been so horrid to see. I wouldn’t have been able to resist snooping either. I’d tell your DH sooner rather than later as if it was me there’s no way I could act normally after I’d seen something like that

Bitches

I don't think looking at someone else's messages would lose OP enough moral high ground to be as low as her SIL and MIL, would it? And I never look at others' personal stuff, but I'm not judging OP now.

I can't think why MIL lent her phone to OP instead of suggesting OP's DH's. You know, just in case she saw any texts coming in. Because I would certainly have concerns that might happen if I were the MIL. Seeing as her DIL would possibly see her calling her DIL a "lazy cow" to SIL. Who would actually risk that?

It's a despicable way to be, criticising someone for their medical condition.

@divadee

"Some of you are much better people than me. I would of gone all guns blazing, swearing my head off calling them all cunts and made a right scene.  I am uncouth when I get upset and angry.

I certainly would not be staying on holiday. I would be packing my bags and taking my children home."

^ 100% agreed!!!

I know its hurtful but she has the right to say whatever she likes behind your back.

Really?

How dare you inconvienience them by having epilespsy. You inconsiderate individual. (I don't think I need to say this is tongue in cheek).

Also I have to wonder. Why does your sil hate you. Is she jealous. Does she fancy her brother or something

It's bad enough to say horrible things about your DIL but what a nasty bitch she is to be so unsympathetic to a serious condition. Family members should be supporting each other. I'd have to forward them to myself and my dh. I couldn't live with someone like that.

Screen shot them- send them to your phone via messenger etc or to your partner or a friends messenger so you have permanent proof. Then just delete the screen shots you took from asshole MIL'S phone.

So fucking rude! I have epilepsy too and I know the struggle it can have physically on you. I'd honestly just send a few bitchy texts to the MIL & SIL😂 you've got the right after what they've been saying!

There is a different between a bitchy vent, which is something most people do, and egregious nastiness about someone having seizures.

I know its hurtful but she has the right to say whatever she likes behind your back. As long as she’s civil around you and doesn’t bad mouth you to your kids / DH then you can’t police what she says about you elsewhere. Just cool things off with her on a personal basis.

Someone indulging in this level of slagging off isn't going to keep their gobs shut around the DCs. They might in front of the DH, but if the DCs are on their own with the MIL and SIL, something is going to be said at some point, and quite possibly deliberately.

Calling her out on being a two faced cow is acceptable imo. Yes she can say what she likes behind your back but once the facts are out there it's the point of no return in relation to any sort of civility between you all.
Dh can see them but you and dc stay home.
Your dc don't need a relationship with these toxic people.

I'd go one step further ' a text came through from SIL, who was she talking about that ruined your holiday, we thought you had a great time ?" Then watch her response.

How awful.

I'd "apologise" for ruining your MIL's holiday last year while you're eating or something and see how she reacts. And then when she inquires, simply say "oh, I saw a text message from [SIL]."

But then I'm petty I'd tell my DH. I can't imagine what I'd do, or my DH would do, if either of us were treated like this by each other's parents! I'd be fuming!

I would give phone back and just say thanks mil for use of phone . A text came in from sil , apologies but couldn’t help seeing it . Hand over and hold head up high

Agree with this. Keep the moral high ground. Let them squirm, not knowing which messages you've seen

Lots of you are so cool and collected. I woudl have flown off the handle not swearing and shouting but I would have it out with them there and then and there is no WAY I would have the self control to continue the holiday being abit "off". Its one thing moaning abit about someone but cruelty about a thing a person can't help (health condition/hair/race) is far far beyond that. I would be ashamed if my children spoke like that about anyone. I would go home I really would.

How's it going, OP?

I gave her the phone back and said “a message came through for you whilst I was using it”
She looked at the phone, looked shame faced and sculked off. She has gone to bed with a headache this afternoon.

DH knows there is something up still not sure if to tell him or not.

I did the crossstich for Nephew as he was adopted and I wanted to welcome him into the family, it’s was a train with his new surname on it.

I am using WiFi in the hotel reception which is why it has taken me so long to post again

Good! I hope her arse is sweating.

Tell your husband.

That's kind of you to do the cross-stitch for your new nephew.

Hopefully your MIL will have time to reflect inbetween the waves of pain!

I think if you are able to keep it to yourself until you get home (and leave MIL stewing) it would be ideal - and certainly shows you being the bigger person, although there's no doubt of that anyway.

SIL hates me because I married her brother It’s not personal she would hate anyone.

Gone to bed with a headache? When she surfaces, ask her if she wants it stitching.

Tell DH though, or he'll be confused and worried by the atmosphere.

Let her sit and sulk now, she's in the wrong not you. Honestly think you should tell your dh but that's your call.