To leave the child in bed...

[Singlebutmarried]

....and be late for school

She’s hardly slept this past week and she’s like a little zombie by about 4pm.

Also, if the child is engaged and academically inclined, they probably wouldn't want to miss a day a month, and when they did feel like a duvet day, they would pick a day when they knew there wasn't going to be, say, an important experiment in chemistry or similar.

My experience of school (and I say that as someone who did about as well as it's possible to do academically) was that any given day's schoolwork was pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. School to me was a bit like an hour-long episode of Horizon - fine and interesting, but really you could pick up on the substantive content in 10 minutes of reading max, if that.

And, as I have said repeatedly, some children are like that. Most aren't.

Sure - but don't you think the poster above, just perhaps, knew which category her kids were in before suggesting to them that a duvet day a month would be ok?!

frogsoup

Why would I think that? I teach multiple children with shit attendance and the vast, vast majority will underperform versus their ability. The ones that go on to get their target grades across the board with a day a month off (as a minimum, not counting genuine illness) are what I would refer to as 'unicorns' - I am hearing tell of them, but I have never clapped eyes on one.

So, if led by my own experience, the answer is, yes, I expect the poster knows which category her children are in, but I don't have any reason to believe the child is a unicorn.

If you teach multiple children with shit attendance, do you teach in a deprived area? It's rather likely that there aren't too many unicorns, no, because poor attendance is correlated with socioeconomic and cultural deprivation, and that does rather go together with underperformance.

As the poster said, anyway, her kids didn't take a day off a month. She allowed them to if they wanted. Two extremely different things!

frogsoup

I have taught in deprived areas and non-deprived areas.

The children who do the best in my experience are a) present b) equipped and c) engaged. I am willing to believe there is a small minority of people for whom attendance at school makes no difference. I am unwilling to believe this happens with anything like the frequency - anywhere - with which the opposite scenario (under-achievement) occurs. That's where I am on this and no amount of speculation to justify not sending your school-enrolled children to school (as a rule) is going to change my mind.

Yes and many times they didn't want to take the day off- my daughter particularly loved school and would drag herself in when ill.
She would sometimes take a Monday off if she had an exhausting schedule of dance performance over the weekend.
My son took regular duvet days at primary school, but only a few days a year in secondary when the work became serious- but the option was always there if they wanted it.
And yes, they would plan the days off with consideration of what they would be missing.
Having the autonomy helped them.

frogsoup

Plus, "unicorns" doesn't mean children who do outstandingly well. It means children who will fulfil their academic potential whether or not they attend school. In other words, children who are so intelligent that studying isn't necessary. I cannot for the life of me see why you wouldn't see that in deprived areas with a similar frequency to that which you would see it in affluent areas. It has nothing to do with socioeconomic status, but rather with raw intellect.

speakout

Please don't think my posts are targeted at you. If your children rarely took their 'duvet days', then obviously they didn't miss out.

You are less likely to see it in deprived areas because low attendance is more likely to be related to other indicators - poor socioeconomic status, chaotic family life, parents with low cultural capital - that are also linked to poor school attainment. So I guess it might theoretically be possible to have poor attendance, poor socioeconomic status, chaotic family life, poorly educated parents and still do amazingly at school, but I'd rather agree with you about the unicorns there.

On the other hand, if you are missing school occasionally because you have (lets say) multiple dance performances or concert rehearsals at weekends and are a highly committed, motivated student with highly engaged parents, then chances are, a few days off here and there are not going to make a blind bit of difference to your already excellent life chances.

I'm not really sure we are arguing at cross-purposes - my point is that you can't take school attendance in isolation either way i.e. it's correlative not causative, which you seem to be agreeing with even as you claim to disagree!

"children who are so intelligent that studying isn't necessary."

I'm not sure where you take this anywhere from what I've posted. Of course studying is necessary!!!!!

(and before you say anything, obviously we are talking odd days very now and again, not a day a week!)

odd days off* I mean, not studying

So I guess it might theoretically be possible to have poor attendance, poor socioeconomic status, chaotic family life, poorly educated parents and still do amazingly at school, but I'd rather agree with you about the unicorns there.

I'd better dig out my horn, in that case.

Hats off!

frogsoup

Thanks

But the fact remains, most students who miss a considerable amount of school (>10%) will under-perform. Some parents might be fine with that, but they should know that.

Also, in my case, I suspect I did under-perform. I got As and A*s with 75% attendance. I won't bore you with details, but I firmly believe my results would have been better if I had been at school.

The problem with allowing children "duvet days" in addition to their 13 weeks holiday a year is that if they then have a bout of illness, their absence record will soar. Add in a couple of holidays (and let's face it, if you allow a monthly duvet day you are likely to take your kids on term time holidays too) and you have a lot of absence. It's absolutely fact that poor attendance equals poorer outcomes. It's pretty obvious really isn't it.

speakout
I think you're very wise - I wish I'd been allowed an occasional day off to "regroup". Such was the work ethic at home that when I first left education my guilt about a day off for any reason was almost overwhelming. Now I occasionally take a "regroup" day off work and it makes a huge difference.

missymousey thank you.

It felt the right thing to do. My kids felt more in control and some autonomy- and it does no harm to raise kids who can question authority a little.

Speakout I totally agree with you, but on Mumsnet that apparently means our kids will grow up to be lawless sociopaths who only care about themselves, and it's parents like us responsible for all the ills of society

I have two very high achieving friends who were prolific school refusers - both families were fined for their poor attendance HOWEVER these were very bookish, aspirational homes where a day off at home would probably be a day off reading Jane Eyre and researching endangered frog species or what have you. One friend (successfully seeing as she got an A) seemingly taught herself the Eng Lit A level syllabus. In the school I'm in now there is an obvious vicious cycle of poor attendance/missed work/falling behind/demoralisation/missing school. It always seems to be the kids who really can't afford missed days who do it.

Although neither of those friends got into Oxbridge and I did so showing up probably got me a great reference

Just a though 're bedtime in this heat OP, my LO is much younger, but we have had early baths and pjs before tea a few times lately.
Means the rest of the eve is just for relaxing and it's been easier to settle to bed.
So we get in about 4.40, put tea in the oven and have a bath while it cooks.

Teaching our children to take care of their own well-being is important. I have taken a ‘mental health day’ before (perhaps 3 in 10 yrs) because I have recognised that I need to pause briefly to avoid becoming unwell.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to let your child routinely ditch school ‘just because’, but I absolutely think it’s ok to give them a break if it’s going to stop them becoming ill.

I know far too many adults (myself included in the past) who keep going and going despite feeling unwell or exhausted and they either burn out or become physically unwell and then take far longer off to recover than they would have if they have just stopped earlier on.

@speakout

I agree with your approach. They are given so much responsibility at such a young age in life, a relaxing day here and there is good for body and soul. Higher attainment is something schools care about, parents should concern themselves less with it. An intelligent child is going to do well regardless of whether they get a B or an A*, I'd even argue a child who fails their GCSEs can still achieve in other ways.

I say this as a secondary school teacher...!!!