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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think we have made a horrible mistake.

122 replies

garbagegirl · 01/07/2018 17:45

My only defence is that we have lived in flats until recently. I am 37 years old, have kept 2 children alive and thriving and I have no idea where to start when it comes to the garden.

Seriously. I feel like a proper idiot when it comes to this stuff. Where do you even begin to turn it into space you want to spend time in!? I tried planting a hydrangea. It went brown and died.

I miss my flat

OP posts:
LongSummerDays · 01/07/2018 17:47

How big is your garden and what do you want to do with it?

LimboLuna · 01/07/2018 17:51

Gardening is just one big experiment no matter how much experience you have its still just experimenting.

The main thing is the right plant in the right place thats all, but it takes time to work out what you have to work with.

Racecardriver · 01/07/2018 17:54

Plant shit in the ground and water it?

BarbedBloom · 01/07/2018 17:56

Firstly, identify which way your garden is facing and how much sun various bits get. Different plants like different conditions, so a lot of it is reading the labels on them first. Some plants like a certain kind of soil too.

The gardening forum here is really helpful. I recently moved somewhere with a garden and was pretty clueless, but have picked up a lot on here.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 01/07/2018 17:57

How big is your garden? What you need is a plan. Measure up the space, think what you would like and work out where it would best go. Place to sit, area for kids etc?

As for planting, depends on the soil and position!

JennyHolzersGhost · 01/07/2018 17:57

Watering things is generally a good idea. It’s taken me a while to learn this top insider gardening tip, mind you Blush

Not a great time to be planting, though, given how hot and dry it is. Maybe spend the summer making a longer term plan for the garden and then do your planting autumn / spring.

happypoobum · 01/07/2018 17:59

Get a gardner. Mine is worth every penny.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/07/2018 18:00

Tbf OP, hydrangeas are a feckin' nightmare.

Guiltypleasures001 · 01/07/2018 18:06

Things in pots, so they can be moved ?

Shiftymake · 01/07/2018 18:06

I love gardening, it's not just planting stuff and it does what it needs to do. I feed my plants every 1-2 weeks with plant food and water them almost daily in this hot weather, and managed to get nice strong and healthy plants bar 2. Not sure why they have died but it happens. NDN two doors down had some beautiful, big and expensive plants in pots put out, they are all dying the slow death of no water. Even with some rain one still needs to water them and the bigger they are the more water they need. Sun position is key as mentioned, I have to look for plants that like semi-shade or shade as I do not have enough sun through the day for full time sun plants.

garbagegirl · 01/07/2018 18:06

It's a weird shape. 100ft long by about 30ft wide. It's sectioned into 3 lawns with a couple of sheds. The back lawn is overgrown and has been left "for the bees" Wink
The other 2 are where the 3 yr old plays. It's all uneven and patchy with lots of weeds

OP posts:
garbagegirl · 01/07/2018 18:07

I am sorely tempted to get a gardener. What's the going rate on those things?

OP posts:
LooksLikeImStuckHere · 01/07/2018 18:08

Which way does it face?

PotteringAlong · 01/07/2018 18:09

It sounds amazing though!

PotteringAlong · 01/07/2018 18:10

And yes, hydrangeas are a bit of a nightmare so I wouldn’t worry unduly about that one!

happypoobum · 01/07/2018 18:10

Depends on where you live. Have a look on check a trade or similar. Get someone to come round and tell you what they could do and how much they would charge. They might come up with suggestions you hadn't thought of.

Once the garden is set up how you want it, you can probably get them to come back a couple of times a year for maintenance. You would just need to mow the grass in between. If you want them more regularly (to mow lawns) just ask. It's important you get someone you feel comfortable with.

EBearhug · 01/07/2018 18:11

It went brown and died.

This is part of gardening. Things die, usually the things you really want. It does increase the sense of success when things don't die and go on to flower. All gardeners have failures - you just don't see them, because you see all the other bits.

In this weather, it's mostly a case of keeping things alive so they don't die from lack of water.

LongSummerDays's questions are a good starting point. How long have you been there? Are there already plants or trees or paths or anything there? Have you worked out which areas get a lot of sun or are mostly shady? Are any areas particularly dry (often by walls) or usually damp? And also, how much time do you have? I have some weekends and at this time of year, a couple of evenings - I just wouldn't have time to manage a large garden like my parents had, but Mum was mostly a SAHP.

There are websites (and books) which will tell you what tasks you should be doing at what time of year, but remember it's not an exact timetable, and will vary according to the weather (we had a late spring this year, which delayed things; now it's really hot, and that's affecting things ripening.) It also depends where you are in the country.

For me, the first flowers of spring are important - so late summer/early autumn, I plant out spring bulbs, so I will have snowdrops*, crocuses, daffodils. There can be quite a lot of planning ahead like that in gardening, which is why it can be useful to find a website with a guide to tasks for this month.

*I probably won't have snowdrops. I've spent a fortune over the years on bulbs, and green plants and planted them in a load of different positions and conditions, and they just don't work for me. Same with lily-of-the-valley. Other people have them like a weed. We all have our gardening problems.

abbsisspartacus · 01/07/2018 18:13

Ivy leaf geraniums the perennials not annual kind they are kid proof drought proof rain proof spread to fill spaces smell nice and has flowers

ChristmasTablecloth · 01/07/2018 18:14

Lawns are high maintenance and take a lot of work. Could you convert one of them to a wild flower meadow?

But, really, don't plant anything in this weather if you aren't prepared to spend a lot of time watering. Plant in the Autumn, when the soil is soft and cool or early spring, maybe March.

You need to know what type of soil you have (clay, sandy, chalky?) and where the sun goes. Different plants like different things but they are mainly labelled to tell you where to plant them.

I didn't know anything about gardening but magazines like Gardeners World are really good. And Gardeners Question Time on Radio 4. And I'd probably start with a good old fashioned book - if there's anything titled gardening for beginners, go with that.

EBearhug · 01/07/2018 18:15

Also, look round neighbours' gardens, see which plants are doing well for them - that might give you some idea what will grow well with you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 01/07/2018 18:16

Hydrangeas need tons of water, far more than you would expect, especially for the first few weeks after being planted.

sueelleker · 01/07/2018 18:21

And when you find a plant you like, check how big it's likely to grow!

LakieLady · 01/07/2018 18:22

Have you got any neighbours with nice gardens? One of the best ways of working out what will grow well in your garden is to look it what does well in the gardens nearby.

Keen gardeners are always happy to give advice and info ime, and I'm utterly shameless so I used to just stop and ask questions if I saw them in their front gardens (eg, what is it, is it easy to grow, what time of year should I plant it, does it need a lot of sun/water/compost/feeding).

You may also have a local gardening club, there's one near me that is very happy for novice members to join.

sueelleker · 01/07/2018 18:23

You could also try this book;www.<a class="break-all" href="https://amazon.co.uk/Gardening-Basics-Dummies-Steven-Frowine/dp/0470037490/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&keywords=gardening%20books%20for%20dummies&ie=UTF8&qid=1530465757&sr=1-2&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-3294079-AIBU-to-think-we-have-made-a-horrible-mistake" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">amazon.co.uk/Gardening-Basics-Dummies-Steven-Frowine/dp/0470037490/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1530465757&sr=1-2&keywords=gardening+books+for+dummies

LakieLady · 01/07/2018 18:26

EBearHug, are you on chalky or limey soil?

I've tried lily of the valley several times, and they do nothing, bloody nothing. I wondered if they don't like chalk.

I really want some in the garden, because they were my late mother's favourite.