AIBU to think we have made a horrible mistake.

[garbagegirl]

My only defence is that we have lived in flats until recently. I am 37 years old, have kept 2 children alive and thriving and I have no idea where to start when it comes to the garden.

Seriously. I feel like a proper idiot when it comes to this stuff. Where do you even begin to turn it into space you want to spend time in!? I tried planting a hydrangea. It went brown and died.

I miss my flat

Watch gardners world every week on fridays bbc2. Get some books out if the library and look up stuff online. If your garden is really out of control atm you could get a gardner in to tidy it up and work alongside them and learn on the job!

Start really simple. Make a couple of borders and stick to really easy plants, there is a good list here of easy things to grow it may be aimed at kids, sorry, but its a good starting point

Hydrangeas are picky buggers. Grew really well in my mums garden with 0 looking after, grandmother and I both tried for years and nothing, we even tried filling a container from the bit of garden mums are growing in, still nothing, it drove my grandmother mad as she has very green fingers otherwise.

I've tried lily of the valley several times, and they do nothing, bloody nothing. I wondered if they don't like chalk.

I am on pretty much solid chalk, so I'd go with that theory. Except there's a house about 10 houses down from me where the front garden is pretty much overrun with them (taunting me.) And last year, a bloke across town was giving away clumps of them, because they were overtaking his garden, so I had a load to transplant and put some in shade, some in sun, and so on. Guess how many have come up this year?

At least it's not just me.

Hydrangeas can be a bit temperamental until they get established.
In general they do need quite a lot of water but it needs to be well-drained. They will die quickly if the roots get waterlogged.

Ah shit, really?

I planted two hydrangeas this year. I give them loads of water but they are pretty brown. The hydrangaes are in a bed with some top soil but our garden is on clay so the drainage is not great.

I thought they might be more hardy because three years ago I was on holiday in Italy and it was hot but the hydrangaes were everywhere

look for someone retired who does a bit of gardening they seem to charge about 10-12 pounds an hour round here (Midlands) and water regularly morning and night in this weather

The other 2 are where the 3 yr old plays. It's all uneven and patchy with lots of weeds That sounds like a wildflower lawn in the making. Remember a weed is only a plant in the wrong place - if you decide it's OK where it is, then it's not a weed.

I'm having a wonderful life at the moment getting to all sorts of lovely places to see uncommon flowers - and I can trace my knowledge and interest back to playing on a lawn which was full of different species of wild flowers. Even dandelions are lovely to a small child - sweet scented fluffiness.

My top tip - if you keep the edge of the "lawn" tidy, the garden looks cared-for, even if you never cut the rest.

Lily of the valley grows wild on limestone pavements in the north, so on the face of it, the chalk in chalky soil shouldn't put it off. Maybe it doesn't like the soil to be too well drained? It's not fond of being in full sun.

If you want things to grow, get a buddleia

Noooooo - these bastards self seed everywhere.

OP - top tip would be to just get a decent mower and a hoe for now.

Mow the grass if it gets too long - and hoe off any weeds if they pop up.

Put the mowings onto any bare soil, as a mulch, around any plants and that will keep the weeds down and the soil moist underneath.

Apart from that, don't do anything else until the autumn or when the rains come.

Most gardening is done during the autumn, most of it in the winter, and some in the spring [planting out], so that the summer is purely maintenance.

Noooooo - these bastards self seed everywhere.

Except for the two species I mentioned

I'm the same OP - we moved 7 years ago from an upstairs flat in Hackney to a house with a garden, and the garden was one of the things I was looking forward to most. I do love it but I still don't have a clue what I am doing; I don't know what is supposed to be tied to canes or the fence, when to cut things back, why some things come up every year and others don't, why most of my shrubs are green all year then have a few paltry flowers for three days or something and then go back to being green. Our back garden is incredibly shady (we do have lily of the valley though!) and our front garden like the Sahara desert.

Anyway the one thing that works for me is pots. Lots of pots. For some reason this does not feel as baffling as the borders because I can control what is in them rather than wondering whether everything that comes up is a weed or a flower. And if the flowers don't seem to be thriving I can move the pot around randomly.

I was thinking about you op today and this thread. I’m really really trying with my garden this year, what’s helped is listening to gardeners question time (actually quite funny) and watching gardeners world. I don’t get involved in all the different compost mixes and all that, I’ve not got the space or time or money! But the advice is good and it’s reassuring seeing it going wrong!
Years ago when you got married you were bought a household management book it told you everything from cleaning, budgeting, diy to gardening. These aren’t skills people are born with it’s all trial and error and learnt like everything.

I don’t worry too much about soil types but I do look at what’s growing around, if they are growing well in a neighbours garden it’s probably going to grow well in yours. The next thing is shade and sun, that’s the bit you can’t change so you really have to work with what you have and pick plants that suit it. Lavender and rosemary loves sunny spots, hydrangeas like a slightly shady spot. Most web sites have great filters to help with plant choice. I don’t order plants online as I’ve missed deliveries and they’ve arrived dead or tiny.
Everything needs food and water. But not too much. For pots poke your finger in the soil, if it sticks don’t water. If no soil sticks water.
Newly planted plants in the ground need good watering Once established plants in the ground don’t need too much watering they will develop good deep root systems. If you water a lot once established they won’t bother with the deep roots.

Sounds like your wildlife minded so a little water is lovely, a pond (if your encouraging wildlife don’t get fish they will eat it all!) is great to encourage it all, just make sure things can get in and out, so slopes and stones. The birds will thank you for drinks! It’s good to have that in a shady space so that your not fighting algae.

It sounds beautiful op, hang on in there and take your time. I’m incredibly envious as we rent so I can never truly get going with a garden

Look at what other people grow near you. I killed so many plants before I realized what thrives. My garden is an overgrown mess atm. Just have a bit of lawn and a few plants.

I am a gardener and I often work with novice gardeners. Find a nice friendly local gardener and get them to come over for a couple of hours and work alongside them.
You will have lots of failures to begin with so don't spend too much money on expensive plants (car boot sales or local plant sales are good places to find cheap plants).
Before you know it, you'll be hooked 🌻🌻

I had my lawn gravelled over because i didn’t want to have to mow it every five minutes in summer. It’s great. Oh, and the decking covers another part i can’t be bothered with. Other than that, i occasionally weed the borders and try to kill anything in them, if at all possible.

THIS is all you need just now OP

Honestly, planning is your best bet. It takes time. Sit out with a cool drink and a pad of paper to take notes. Chill. You can't plant in this weather anyway, so you might as well make hay while the sun shines...

Also, buy a beginners gardening book. It will save you money in the long run. Amazon has quite a few. I think there's an RHS one that's supposed to be good. It's called how to garden or something like that xx

Can you put a picture on? The first thing to do is just keep it all in check for a while to give you time to work out what you’ve got and work out how you use it and what you want. So mow the lawns, cut the hedges and keep the weeds down in the flower beds and just use it.

When you e got some idea of what you like about it and what you don’t, then work out what the plants are that you like and are thriving, that will give you a clue as to what else you could plant, then think about any changes you want to make.

If you really don't want to do it yourself, try putting a postcard in a local shop window, offering part of your garden as a sort of allotment, payment being a share of any produce, and your lawn being mowed.

I have gardeners every fortnight, costs £25 each visit they mow the lawn, cut the hedges, weed the borders and do any specific jobs I ask them to do (this week they put some plants in) they come while I'm at work and I never see them it's like having a magic garden. I plant up the odd pot and water. So worth it.

I'm a garden designer ....what do you want to ask? Can you post a pic please?

I'm sorry i have not read all the comments but maybe take this as an opportunity to get to know your neighbours. Just knock on their door and tell them you want to do your garden up and ask them what grows well in their garden. Have a peek over the fence and see if they have any plants you like and ask the names of them . Enjoy your garden but don't waste huge amounts of money on big plants, buy small and let them grow to fill the spaces. It gives you time the see if they like the soil/light etc and gives you a sense of achievement as you see your garden develop.

This summer, water anything that doesn't look like a weed, and especially your lawns. Don't worry that they are patchy and weedy, just keep the grass alive. Buy some nice garden furniture and sit in it. Get some nice smelling herbs in pots. Get some basic tools (spade, fork, trowel, rake). Look at which bits of garden are shady, which are sunny and which get dry quickly. Get a book and work out what kind of soil you have.

Go to the garden centre and make a list of plants you like and where they are happy (sun or shade) and when they flower. (eg spring, summer or autumn). Don't buy any yet (unless you want a few pots of flowers to quickly brighten the place up? ) Look at gardening books and magazines and think about what appeals to you and how much time you have. For instance, do you want a pretty but low maintenance garden, a place for your kids to play, or a vegetable patch or all 3? In the autumn, use the fork to dig over a flowerbed or two with your kids and plant climbing things by the fences and sheds, bulbs where you want them to come up in spring and scatter a few packets of easy to grow mixed annual flowers. Maybe plant out some of the herbs somewhere sunny. In the spring scatter grass seed on the bare bits of lawn and aerate them (stab them with a fork to let air and water in ) Next year the garden will look better, and the year after it will look even better, especially if you start a compost heap at the far end of the garden. That's a big garden, don't try to tackle it all at once or keep it all tidy.Your kids and the local wildlife will enjoy a wild area at the end, maybe with a playhouse and a few fruit trees?

Enjoy learning to garden with your children, it will give them loads of great memories.

Our garden is what sold the house to us, then pretty soon after we moved in we thought we had made a huge mistake.

After 3 years of working every hour god sent and getting nowhere, we gave in and paid a landscape gardener a small fortune for 4 weeks solid work. Now at least 1/7 of the garden looks great and I feel like an end to the work is in sight and we have at least part of a garden we can enjoy.

Just get someone in if you can afford it, then it's so much easier to keep on top of stuff.

And research the plants you put in. I was putting in things that looked great but weren't right for the type of soil or sun/shade and they just died.

Try planting a honeysuckle or two along the fences - they turn out to be really tough, mine survived the storms we had this winter even though it was quite new. And they cover quite a lot, and smell great. I'm told jasmine is also surprisingly tough - I only planted mine yesterday but I'm hopeful.
Other than that, Pinterest is your friend - look for easy to grow plants.

Mallow plants (Lavatera) are really easy to grow. They have lovely flowers from June right through to October. You don't have to water them. Mine survive with no care at all apart from cutting them right back in the autumn otherwise they become an unmanageable size the next year. They grow to the size of a large bush so are great for filling up large spaces that you don't know what to do with otherwise. www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/flowers/lavatera/growing-lavatera-rose-mallow.htm

Buddleia (Butterfly Bush) are also great for similar reasons and also attract butterflies into your garden www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/how-to-grow/10-best-buddleias-grow-attract-butterflies/
I think once you start putting a bit of colour into your garden and get the hang of a few basics you'll start to enjoy your garden and will wonder how you ever managed without it - good luck