AIBU to think we have made a horrible mistake.

[garbagegirl]

My only defence is that we have lived in flats until recently. I am 37 years old, have kept 2 children alive and thriving and I have no idea where to start when it comes to the garden.

Seriously. I feel like a proper idiot when it comes to this stuff. Where do you even begin to turn it into space you want to spend time in!? I tried planting a hydrangea. It went brown and died.

I miss my flat

Use The Gardeners Guild to find a qualified gardener. There are a lot of "gardeners" out there who charge less but don't have to knowledge needed to maintain a garden properly.

If you want help choosing plants, working out a design etc then you need someone who has experience in these things.

But I learnt initially from my first garden. Trying things and making mistakes. I loved it so much I retrained and now I have my own business.

If you want to tackle it yourself then there is a lot of information available online. I wish I'd had it when I started.
Good luck

I'm shit at gardening too.

I've discovered it's hard to kill lavender (although you need to chop it back in the autumn), hebe bushes, roses and in my garden, rhododendrons - but they need particular soil.

Go to a garden centre (not one attached to a DIY shop, a real one) and say you want low maintenance stuff that can just cope. Accept you need to water most things daily for the first couple of weeks after planting if it doesn't rain.

I use this website a lot and it has beginners guides

www.rhs.org.uk/advice/beginners-guide

Buy a decent lawnmower. I have a Honda petrol one and it's great, it was expensive but I'm expecting it too last. It cuts really well and it's fun to use. Mines self propelling which means I just trundle behind it. Also some dc hedge cutters etc are much easier and light to use then corded or other powered ones.

I learned to look at what plants seemed to be thriving in neighbours gardens and planting these. It has worked.

l'm a virgin gardener too, and fortunately my best friend is a demon gardener. She loves gardening, where l like it when it's done, but that's it. She's out there in all weathers, all day, sometimes.
This summer she's grown all our veggies from seed, weeded and dug out my borders, and planted the veggies. All l do is water stuff and cross my fingers it survives til she comes back.

lt might be worth you having a look on Pinterest. You can find all manner of gardening things (and anything else!) on there, l'm saving what l like the look of and sending her anything that might be useful.
l put a hydrangea in last year, it was decimated by slugs and then shrivelled up and died like yours did. We've put another one in this year (same place, different kind of hydrangea) and it's doing well so far. l'm quite chuffed that there are flower buds on it!
The veggies are going to save me a fortune feeding my rabbits!
Best of luck x

Plant mainly in spring, water regularly until established. Everyhting will get eaten and die at first. If it makes you feel better though three hedge plants I have had in for five years are shrivelling and dying in this heat and my hydrangea from ladt year is looking distinclty dodgy.

go to open gardens for charity they are great fun & will give you ideas & the owners are have to chat! & they usually do great afternoon teas!One thing I would say be careful about poisonous plants if your dc is very young! Look on line they will tell you where they are best to go to where they have several gardens in a village rather than one!

OP - do you know why your hydrangea died? Mine did exactly the same thing - planted it this year and is dying. I am not pleased ...

Also, for an instant lift plant some flowers - like marigolds and petunias. So pretty and super easy to keep alive - but beware the slugs. I don't know the right solution yet as slug pellets can injure wild life and slugs are clever little buggers who find ways around the barriers etc....

Garbagegirl- my friend pays her gardener £25 per hour.

Plant a shit ton of different bulbs and then stand back and do nothing at all.

They just turn in to plants, it's ace.

I'm a fan of cottage garden/bee and butterfly seed mixes. A lot of them contain at least some self seeding annuals/perennials, so you'll get flowers again next year for minimum effort and expense. Most are pleasantly colourful, so you don't have to faff planning colour schemes (unless that's your thing). I just left the seedheads from last year until about March of this year and then did some removing of last year's dead flowers and some weeding. Garden is starting to look pretty. The main downside is it can look bare over autumn/winter, so adding a few evergreen shrubs is a good idea.

RHS website is good, and if you can bear it, you can pick up a lot of tips on Gardeners World on Friday nights about 8pm. ( either BBC1 or 2). Might be a good idea to see if you can find back editions on line as they have done programmes working with novice gardeners. BBC website is useful as well.
Its a good idea to grow easy veg or just lettuce in a tray so you feel you are getting something from it . I am not a great fan of gardening- mine is the same size as yours, but I have a veg patch and am growing courgettes, tomatoes. beans ( french and runner) and yellow peppers and herbs in pots. Try in Freegle or freecycle. If you post a wanted you might find people with surplus plants even now. I planted tomatos late, didn't think much would come up and now have 19 to plant out!!!
Hydrangeas are a nightmare. Mine did not thrive, was moved several times and ended up in a pot and I nearly lost in during the winter. Am trying to save it as it was one that my late ( green fingered) MIL sprouted from hers and I feel I should try as she might haunt me!
Also bulbs are good and once established they come up regularly. Buy a bag of bulbs in September/October time.

I recently paid a gardener (one that did lots of planting rather than one that just tidied the garden) to put in a lot of plants as some I had picked randomly a few years back had died. Well worth the money as they knew what went well in my soil and would cope in my garden.

Crocus, which is an online nursery, have suggestion pages for what to plant and where, here.

Hydrangeas are really hard to keep alive, I haven't managed very well with them so far. They like certain types of soil and a big clue is in the name 'hydra' they love lots to drink.

I am rubbish at gardening, but I love it. Unless you want to really learn about it , just enjoy experimenting, you will lose stuff, it sometimes just happens. I like to concentrate on flowers/plants that the bees love, such as lavender. I buy established plants from the garden centre, water regularly and use wood chips to try to keep the slugs at bay. Even established plants have taken a few years to take off in my garden though. I keep their info card near them, so I can check when they need to be pruned etc.

You need your garden to suit you, if you aren't around during the summer to keep it watered, buy stuff that will survive a dry spell, avoid pots if you won't be around, they dry out quickly. My rockery with alpines has thrived, but again, it took a year for the plants to establish. I loves grasses, bamboo, pampas, they seem quite robust and spread to create a soft wall. Enjoy your garden, work out what you want from it and how much work you are willing to put in, make it work for you.

If you want things to grow, get a buddleia - a weyeriana or globosa won't be terribly invasive. Lavender also good. Both good for bees. If I can't kill 'em, you can't!

Never buy an immature acer, and even then, cross your fingers. Those things have a death wish.

Succulents do pretty well in my (NW, east-facing) garden, Alpine type/rockery plants too. My red heuchera thrived, my green one didn't. I keep actively trying to kill my hostas since they're basically slug food, but I can't.

Sod pots (too much work), sod roses (leaf rot/mould thing, green flies) and sod climbing things (too much work, very touchy) IMO

I'm a plant serial killer.

I over water them due to love and they drown. I don't understand how to control direct sunlight. Maybe they don't like my house and off themselves.

My mother on the other hand, gifted. She designer the whole thing, loved doing it, it's freaking gorgeous. All the right flowers and plants in the right place so they grow, herb and vegetable garden, water fountains, fairy lights, tree, places to sit, kids stuff, it's gorgeous.

I was allowed to assist in planting, I had one I was in charge of, under supervision. It was like being six again:)

I just have instructions, what to water, when and how (yes there is a how).

If you have neighbours with gorgeous gardens, tell them you love what they've done and it's beautiful, you're new with a garden and not sure what you're doing, can they give you some advice?

If they are retired and in good health, they'll probably love to get involved. My mother happily puts flowers and plants in her elderly neighbours gardens, they said the flowers were brightening their day, she was thrilled to share as gardeners do really love it! I see the appeal, something I never thought I'd say. Hopefully I'll take it up when I can be trusted:)

Or yes, get a gardener, tell them what you'd like, low maintenance as you are new, have them get you set up, tell you how to take care of things!

Voila, gorgeous garden!

I am a TERRIBLE gardener. I am lazy and uninformed, with a scattergun approach, just shoving things in at random without an understanding of what they need. Plus I have very little planting space and a north facing garden so am mostly reliant on containers, which are higher maintenance. However, even I've had a few success among the many failures, which I then plant more of.

Evergreen shrubs I have successfully planted and ignored are Pieris, photinia red robin, some sort of euonymus, and holly. Tulips and daffodils are great to plant and ignore.

In pots, nasturtium seeds are brilliant as they thrive on neglect and poor soil, so it doesn't matter when I forget to water them.

Packets of wildflower seeds are great for summer colour and grow like weeds - which TBH they sort of are , just really pretty ones. Our sweet peas have done well every year too, but you either need trellis/netting, or a dwarf variety (much easier). If you do want pots, get the biggest ones you possibly can, as obviously that means less frequent watering.

It will take time to become a proper gardener - in the meantime, put two big pots of variegated ivy on either side of the first part of the garden - it's worth getting really BIG pots. Ivy is indestructible and looks lovely once it grows to cover the pots - green in winter too. Then get some climbers - clematis Montana is a quick grower and fairly easy and plant one near each shed (to cover the roofs)
Evergreen flowering Shrubs are great as they often have all year round interest.
As far as the lawn is concerned, get someone in if you can afford it to sort it out and get it flat and green.
Then you're halfway there!

'Its hard to kill lavender' - every lavender plant I buy dies!

Standard advice for a new garden (new to you, that is) is DO NOTHING FOR A YEAR.

Watch it. See what comes up when. There may be plants which make a sudden appearance in autumn - not all bulbs are spring flowering...

Use your year for planning what you want to keep and how you would like to develop the garden to suit your particular needs best. Take photos to help you remember what was there when, and what perennial plants like trees and shrubs looked like in each season.

Honestly, just take this first year easy; see how you find yourself using the space. There are some great books (you could borrow from library) on designing or doing a makeover on your garden. Look for ideas and inspiration from sources like that or Pinterest. As PPs have said, do find out what soil type you have, check out what neighbours have thriving in their gardens, ask them if possible if you don't know what the plants are.

It might seem daunting to start with, but there is a lot of information out there to help you, and you need only do a bit at a time. The thing with gardening is it is always a "work in progress"; never what you could consider finished...

I’m a crap gardener. I somehow manage to keep myself, my kids and my dog alive, but plans come here to die.

So we hired a gardener to dig out and plant some nice evergreen stuff that’s low maintenance and never/seldom needs watering.

We have a nice paved area and bought some decent quality furniture and a cover. Then we bought a bbq

Finishing touches are planters, solar powered lighting and candles in glass jars... with a cosy throw and patio heater for warm but cooler nights.

It was just a block of grass, now it’s like an outdoor living room and I have ZERO green fingers or creativity!

Noodles speaks the truth. I gor into gardening 4 years ago afyer moving into our current house. Just do the obvious, basic stuff like mowing, killing stinging nettles/bindweed/brambles/etc, cutting hedges. I had some overgrown conifers to get rid of as they blocked the light. Get a good infrastructure like compost bins in place (i use 3 bins in rotation). And watch. There may be some lovely things - take photos and visit garden centres to try to identify what you have. If you have any visitors with gardening experience, take them round your garden to talk to them and find stuff out. Then play and experiment- some things will work, some wont, but have fun trying.

Could I butt in and ask how I would know what type of soil we have? We have a small really sunny south facing garden. Anytime we have tried to grown anything it goes to seed or shrivels up and dies as soon as there is any hot weather as there is no shade and its a total sun trap even with watering in the evenings. The soil is like hard packed earth and either totally dried out or muddy and waterlogged. The grass is really patchy. We haven't really done anything properly with it since we moved in 10 years ago when dh rotivated it and put down grass sod rolls. It looked nice then but 3 kids and playing in the garden its in bits. Is it crappy soil and need something added to it?