AIBU to think we have made a horrible mistake.

[garbagegirl]

My only defence is that we have lived in flats until recently. I am 37 years old, have kept 2 children alive and thriving and I have no idea where to start when it comes to the garden.

Seriously. I feel like a proper idiot when it comes to this stuff. Where do you even begin to turn it into space you want to spend time in!? I tried planting a hydrangea. It went brown and died.

I miss my flat

I have a large garden and it has been trial and error. It is also in 4 tiers and we originally put 3 lawns in. A big one at the back and 2 smaller ones. One of the smaller ones, I taken out and put purple slate as the the grass was in the shade and my greyhound tore it up by running around on it? The one closest to the house has my daughter’s large paddling pool on it from April-September, so the grass has died.
I use garden a lot but now with a 4 year old I don’t have as much time.
I planted interesting shrubs that suit the aspect. I’m North facing with acidic soil, so rhodederons to well, I have 4 hydrendras and they love my soil. Camellias are also lovely. I then put in some summer interest annuals for colour and have floeering perennials.
My hubby is in the building trade so he did the hard landscaping of the garden, we have 3 patios areas to make the most of the sunshine during different times of the day.
I’ve made mistake and had to move plants, and have lots some during the last winter.

It has taken me years to find what works and I am still learning - and have killed a few hydrangeas too ! Keep it simple would be my advice, don’t think about planting anything now as too hot and dry - you’ll just have to water non stop. Get friendly with the neighbours with good gardens - they will love to talk about them and will prob offer cuttings you can put in in the autumn. Autumn is best time to plant as it is wetter, lets the plants establish a good root system before the winter (when they are dormant) and then they are all ready to get really growing the following spring. You can plant in spring, but autumn is usually best for shrubs etc. As others have said, Gardener’s World (tv on Friday evening and also their website) is great for clear info. Good luck - it gets addictive and you’ll prob love it !

I've just got in to gardening this year & found that what works for me is pots, large ones with rhodedendrams, medium ones with pansies, lobelia, lavender, I just went in to local gardening shop & picked the ones I liked the look of . I also looked at rhs site etc good luck OP

Forgot to say you could just get some lavender in pots for now - they can be put in the ground in the autumn - in a sunny spot ! Geraniums all good in pots, too. You can keep some year to year (inside if it gets v cold where you are) - all are great for jnstant colour - and they great thing is that they are both better if you don’t water too much !

I had a gardener plant the garden, lawn surrounded by perennials and hedge

It is low maintenance, mostly I cut everything back in winter and it comes back next year.

We are having a very very hot dry summer, so it is hard to keep new plants alive.

Get a gardener in (I have a friendly local one who comes in 4 times a year) until you know what you are doing.

10 yrs in and I still don't have a clue

Well, don't panic. Few of us were born with an innate talent for gardening, it is an art which can be learned. Hydrangea wasn't a good plant to start with as they are thirsty plants which need a lot of watering and in this heat they're bound to suffer if you can't keep on top of the watering.

It's much too hot at the moment to create a garden, so in the meantime see if you can get hold of books about easy care plants - there really is a big choice (books and plants).

Wait until the autumn when it should be cooler and wetter. Start small - don't expect to get it created all at once. Start with a few plants (hardy perennials are your friends) and keep them moist. Right plant - right place. Eventually it will fall into place and remember Rome wasn't built in a day. Nor are the best gardens.

I feel your pain OP. We bought a house with a large , mature garden because my husband had grown up with one. Unfortunately neither of us know anything about gardening and given I was pregnant when we moved in it was never going to be a priority. I would say don’t rush to start planting until you’ve lived with it a while and have seen what you have already. Spend some time with it and decide how you would live in it. Do you want to eat breakfast / dinner out there for example or is it more important to have play equipment. The RHS have a nice range of books covering plants and garden design and “ what to do now “ in the garden although no doubt you can find it all online. Get a notebook to jot down the names of interesting plants you see at the nursery and get a rough idea of the look you’re going for before you start to buy plants. There’s also an app you can get ( sorry I don’t remember the name) that allows you to photograph the leaf and will identify it for you. Useful for when you are out and about and see something nice...or for identifying plants in your own garden. ( “ is it a weed or is it a plant?”just me????) Get a Pinterest board going which will allow you to gather interesting ideas and see what you’re drawn to. Be realistic though...gardens with a huge variety of colour throughout the year can be really high maintenance so maybe think about adding interest through foliage with some flowering plants.

Ps we killed a hydraengea too... I don’t think it was even an outdoor variety.

Don't get overwhelmed. Stuff you think will thrive, dies. And vice versa. And I'm an experienced gardener.
Enjoy the space for the family first. Plot and plan as you go, preferably with feet up and drink of choice.
Try Project Diaries on You Tube. Lovely guy. Supportive FB group. Also the gardening topic on here.

Easy care evergreen shrubs - hebes come in many colours and are pretty tough. If shade, skinmia japonica. For sunny or partly sunny just plant loads of geranium rozanne - blue purple flowers from May to October. Snails aren’t 8nterested, little care needed. After planting water well regularly - until established don’t allow to dry out.

Ps - never grown a hydrangea. That is some scary shit I don't want to put myself through. Lavender is ace - English kind not the lovely looking tufty French stuff. Drought friendly. All good.

We have a biggish garden and neither of us are gardeners. It's fence to fence lawn with a path down the middle, some trees (fruit trees always good) and shrubs. The only maintenance required is mowing (weekly in summer) and cutting back a couple of times a year. It's beautiful, a haven for wildlife and a great place for the kids to play.

We do have other stuff in pots (sunflowers and lavender at the mo). I feel safer with this than having borders because if we go through a phase of not having time to look after them, we can just hide the casualties in the corner rather than having evidence of our neglect as a permanent feature!

I'm with you, op! First garden for fifteen years...luckily it had quite a few things growing already, but I've had to learn some things quick. Do you have a keen family member? My Mil came round and really helped with suggestions and made a little dIagram of where to put different plants. She did tell me: it's all trial and error depending on the soil etc.

You haven't made a mistake. The children will enjoy playing in the garden instead of being cooped up in a flat.
Keep it simple and build on it as you have time - lawn, few flower beds and maybe a small vegetable patch. An area left wild is a great idea for the insects and easy for you as little maintenance.

Have the kids take over while you plot. Plant some sunflowers. Or sit a potato (from the last batch you bought) in a biggish pot with an inch or two of compost on the bottom. Cover it up a bit. When leaves start showing, cover it a bit more. And a bit more. When the leaves start dying off, see how many spuds you have.
There is a slightly fancier way of doing it but I won't bore you with that now.
If it doesn't work, shrug your shoulders and look up the slightly fancier way. See if you can be arsed. You own the garden. It doesn't own you.

Yes you should get a quote from a few garden designers, NOT gardeners. I don't want to put you off but you can spend quite a lot of time and money putting things in the wrong places, best get it right from the start. Google for inspiration and maybe make a pinterest page of your dream garden, show your thoughts to a few designers (picking their brains while you're at it!) and see what they would recommend. Offer yourself to do the donkey work to keep costs down. If you don't have the money for a garden plan, 'garden on a role' is a last resort. Easy planting plans for non-gardeners www.gardenonaroll.com/

That was me eight years ago when we got our house - now I run a fundraising open garden event once a year!

What really helped me was the Alan Titchmarsh book ‘The gardeners’ year’ which basically tells you what to do in each month, divided up into sections, so you can ignore the veg growing section if you’re not growing veg etc. I also found his ‘how to be a gardener’ useful as it filled me in on a lot of the basics. I got both from the library initially, then bought my own copies.

I also keep a notebook divided up into months and seasons and every time I get a new plant I make a note of what I’m supposed to do when with it in the notebook - then just have to check each month that I’ve done what I was meant to!

It also helps to divide it up so it isn’t too overwhelming - I concentrated on front garden first and the back was ignored for a couple of years. We got someone in to cut down some big stuff that was taking over (Buddleia taller than house!).

Pick the brains of your new neighbours to find out what grows well.

It's a good way to break the ice and you won't feel so alone as you get used to managing your garden.

You won't regret moving from your flat in the long term, especially with children.

I know you did put a pick and its big, someone suggested watering the lawn, er, no, I am sure there will soon be a hosepipe ban most places, you dont need to water the grass, yes, it will look dry yellow, but will recover very quickly, I love honeysuckly they are pretty smell really nice, they like woodland areas, cool damp, AND are very poisonouse, 4 berries can kill a toddler. Hydrangas dont mind having their feet under water, the clue is in the name, ours is suffering really badly in this heat, in winter its roots are frequestnyl under a couple of inches of water.

Some great tips on here. We generally have a slash and burn method of gardening and I long to do something! Starting is the thing. I keep missing the ideal planting times. Then I can't be buggered!

Grass. A beautiful tree. A few pots. Done.