i feel like i was the freak show

[btp54]

I am a man and had a procedure done at a near by hospital about 10 days ago, it has left me very angry but didn't say anything at the time as I didn't know if they did wrong.
I was brought into the theatre and got on the bed I was lying there and was told to lift my gown where I was naked from waist down , they made no attempt to cover me up to save my dignity there were 5 members of staff including nurses , consultant and others in the room, 3 of them doing nothing but all having a look and making comments, I know they have seen it all before, so am I right to feel angry, would I have been treated differently if I was a woman.
as the procedure failed I now have to have an operation, but I am already angry that if they can not look after my dignity when I am awake what will happen when I am under a general anaesthetic, should I make a complaint

@btp54

On the whole any sort of “women’s procedures” are impossible to even access in the first place.

Whilst you had a procedure that upset you, it’s also worth considering you’re lucky to be treated

Wow, anyone who thinks it's alright for random people to come past or to have a look to learn, even while giving birth, seriously needs their head screwed on.

I had 2 midwives when I gave birth, one qualified one and one student. Student was never even at the business end of things, nor after as they visited and stitches got looked at (once). She sat next to me.

My ob would never even entertain the idea of opening the side door of his examination room for the receptionist (not other patients!) to see his patient on that chair.

Why do people let themselves be treated like this? Yes, they've seen it all before, but you haven't done it a million times before. Who is the most important in this setting?

I'd complain. Definitely.

I have worked with NHS complaints. I would say there is sometimes a grain of truth in what the OP is saying. Women feel more comfortable complaining as they are able to talk about how something may have made them feel whereas men feel they need to stoically grin and bear it.

Sometimes staff are more conscious of modesty for women. We do as a society have a whole set of complicated rules re female modesty and far fewer for men. So OP may be right in thinking that there was less care for his modesty as he is male.

Why do people let themselves be treated like this?

Are you sure you've experienced labour?

It's good that you've learned this isn't necessarily the case for women

I think it's really interesting that some people have dismissed your emotional reaction and been brusque about it. I think some of that comes with annoyance that you weren't aware of the indignities most of us have suffered.

Of course some of it is because it's AIBU and people feel duty bound to tell people to get a grip.

OP you have every right to feel as you do. The fact that many women suffer a lack of respect for their dignity does not make your treatment any way justified. In contrast to your experience I had an internal ultrasound last week and the two female medics couldn’t have been more respectful, covering me throughout, explaining the procedure, and letting me change in privacy. I’ve had dozens of less pleasant experiences, so I know how your must have felt. You should at least give feedback, if not formally complain.

@AynRand

You bet I have. 25 hours of it in fact.

8 at home, 12 in an MLU and 5 in a hospital. The only people who were at the business end were people who had a strict interest in my DD's birth.

In fact they kept me in the delivery room for another 2 hours straight because the one they needed to wheel us through to the postnatal ward was occupied. We needed to wait for 'privacy reasons'. I think that's only normal.

So you must be able to understand why people 'let themselves' be treated inappropriately!

You deserve every right to privacy and dignity in a hospital environment no matter f your male or female,look up your trusts policies I can guarantee there is one on dignity in the care setting

So when do you think it would be appropriate for a student midwife to be at 'the business end' kikibo? Before or after she qualifies? Oh, hang on tho . . .

Wow there are some mean posters on here. You are meant to be grateful for being treated at all and to get over yourself

I had 7 years of fertility treatment. Every room had a wicker hamper full of cotton covers to cover youself in a veritable origami of modesty. At smear tests i have been handed blue roll and the pamphlets that come with the booking invitation advise wearing a long skirt or loose dress. I had one bad smear where the nurse left the room to get something leaving the door ajar on to an corridor adjacent to a waiting room whilst I still had a speculum in me. I was very young and still regret not complaining about that. I just felt too vulnerable to make my feelings known.

As a pp said women are more likely to experience intimate examinations in their lives. This means they are more likely to have experienced poor practice at some point but there is a higher level of awareness around women’s dignity.

amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/nov/20/healthcare-gender-bias-women-pain

amp.theguardian.com/society/2017/sep/06/listen-to-women-uk-doctors-issued-with-first-guidance-on-endometriosis

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2018/jun/29/women-often-feel-patronised-by-doctors-health-minister-says

All recent, all tangential to what happened to you. Have a look at the birth injuries threads on here and see where people are coming from when they are annoyed.

Instead of a complaints as such, why don't you request a debrief? There's a lot of people that do need to be in constantly as PP, do the numbers tally up with what you remember?

You can ask who they were and why they were there and perhaps raise the point that they should've briefly been introduced to you.

It's an easy fix as well for the medical team to implement during a routine procedure.

Frankly it just depends on who's there at the time. I've been treated with great care and sensitivity and also with the opposite. But we've got the nhs and I'm always grateful for it. It would take a lot more than being left with the undercarriage unnecessarily on display for me to complain. I understand that people who are not so used to regular medical examinations may find a similar situation distressing and insulting so I wish you good luck with your operation OP and hope it goes well for you. Do mention to staff if they are making you uncomfortable, it wont be intentional.

Don't get me wrong, I never said she couldn't touch me. However, I think she got instructions from my midwife not to do so. For this pregnancy, she visited me a while ago and had another student with her who, as the other one, didn't say a word.

Students (of any medical profession for that matter) should not be allowed to 'have a look' or, God forbid, 'have a go' without explicit consent from the patient, and not asked in a 'that's alright, isn't it 'way, but 'would it be OK if...'way. As a patient, even if you are clothed and not in a vulnerable position, you feel anxious and exposed as it is. You don't need more inappropriate behaviour. You are not an object.

If I say 'let themselves be treated like that' I'm referring to leaving it without complaint or dismissing any feelings of indignity.

Frigging hell good job you've never had a baby, you get all and sundry coming in looking at your undercarriage, they don't have a ceremony each time someone new pops in while your sat there legs akimbo waiting to be sewn back up or whatever.
If your op went well then I think yabu.

If your op went well then I think yabu

It didn't - the procedure failed he has to have surgery - says so in his opening post.

I once had a male Midwife shine a great big fucking yellow torch into my vagina whilst I was pregnant. Like the type of torch you'd see in your dad's shed
DH and I still laugh about it!
I think yabu
Health care professionals do this day and daily... I've had 2 babies, countless smear tests, internal scans to diagnose an ectopic pregnancy and someone shove a pain killer up my ass prior to a c section. My DH seen my fucking intestines ffs after dd was born. I've also had surgeries for broken limbs following accidents and have been in hospital more times than the average person!
I think as a man you will have been less used to your bits being examined throughout your life for obvious reasons. Us women are well used to it so it's easier for us.
Any time I see a HC professional I just accept that they have to do what they have to do, and don't question it!
My motto is that when you go into hospital, you hang your dignity at the door and pick it up on the way back out again. A nurse said that to me when she was showering me naked following an op on my leg. It's always resonated with me
I think you need to just accept that this is what they need to do!

Yes you have to go through some shitty stuff when pregnant.

No that doesn’t mean it’s okay people who are childless or old or male in a humiliating way just because other people give birth.

I really feel for you op. I know exactly what you mean - things like this have happened to me and I feel angry decades later.

I always think these medics who are quite used to casually observing naked people should be naked themselves if they have no problem with it.