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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i feel like i was the freak show

169 replies

btp54 · 01/07/2018 17:37

I am a man and had a procedure done at a near by hospital about 10 days ago, it has left me very angry but didn't say anything at the time as I didn't know if they did wrong.
I was brought into the theatre and got on the bed I was lying there and was told to lift my gown where I was naked from waist down , they made no attempt to cover me up to save my dignity there were 5 members of staff including nurses , consultant and others in the room, 3 of them doing nothing but all having a look and making comments, I know they have seen it all before, so am I right to feel angry, would I have been treated differently if I was a woman.
as the procedure failed I now have to have an operation, but I am already angry that if they can not look after my dignity when I am awake what will happen when I am under a general anaesthetic, should I make a complaint

OP posts:
longwayoff · 01/07/2018 19:27

Kindly get over yourself. How do you think medical professionals learn? They have to look at patients. There is barely a bit of my body, inside and out, which has not been poked, prodded, inspected, discussed, touched, pinched, xrayed, mri'd and ct scanned and otherwise treated as a specimen by a bunch of doctors and students. This is a perfectly ordinary set of experiences for the majority of women. So yes. I expect you were treated differently because you are a man.

Original poster
btp54 · 01/07/2018 19:29

seventhgonickname I went to theatre because that is where they did the procedure, it wasn't a cyst drainage it was a hydrocele that had a litre of fluid in it the anaesthetist was present with consultant there were 2 nurses not in scrubs in the room and a male in scrubs that came walking in so my post is not full of holes.
I did not ask about women's procedures I wrongly assumed women where needed were covered up for their dignity.
I should have spoken up but I was in shock and I have been thinking about it more because I have to have an operation as that procedure did not work

OP posts:
Flooffloof · 01/07/2018 19:29

I have been in a theatre with around 4 or 5 people for just skin tag removal.
So yes OP could have been in a theatre for this.
As for women getting it any easier, I have had precisely one procedure where I was covered up and asked if extra people (students probably ) could also look. One out of all of them.

KurriKurri · 01/07/2018 19:30

And of course it is important for students to see operations and procedures to learn and the more experience they can get the better. and I never have a problem with having students present.
But it is not compulsory, you always have a right to refuse if you do not want students watching your procedure, and you don't have to justify that decision.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 01/07/2018 19:31

As all the other posters before me have said, try being a woman!

Original poster
btp54 · 01/07/2018 19:33

mummoflittledragon they could have covered me up whilst doing the procedure as the did when I had a vasectomy

OP posts:
TopBitchoftheWitches · 01/07/2018 19:35

Try having a baby at 32 weeks. I had a room filled with various staff for both me and my baby.

I did not give one fuck about who was in that room as long as my baby and then me were ok.

Men, they have it so hard lol.

JacquesHammer · 01/07/2018 19:36

YANBU in being upset by your experience, YWNB to make a complaint - do you have a firm idea of what you want the outcome to be?

YABVU to imply the lack of dignity afforded to you was because you were male.

granof3 · 01/07/2018 19:37

Hate the term we’ve seen it all before. You might have but this is a first time experience for me. And that is 24 years after the event !!
Absolutely hate it does not make me feel at ease at all. When I am in this position I really do not care about anyone else but me, so much so I have not been for an intimate examination in the last 24years!! Dangerous I know but that’s how traumatised I feel by the whole experience.

probablynotthesame · 01/07/2018 19:45

If you are upset with your experience talk to PALS that's your first call.
As for the people in theatre
1x surgeon
1x scrub nurse
1x circulating nurse
1x anaesthetist
1x ODP
At least!!

A theatre MUST be suitably staffed and each person has a role and responsibility for the safe care and treatment to you so although people may look like they aren't needed they are.

The nurse coming over to 'just look' and seemingly have 'nothing to do with it' she may have been checking for anything extra the surgeon may need needles/dressings etc.

The person that came in had a look and left perhaps was the consultant and it was the registrar doing the procedure he/she may have simply been checking how they were getting on. (Unlikely a consultant to actually do this type of procedure)

If the procedure was done sterile (which I hope it was!) you would have had drapes around the site once it had been cleaned, so you would have been covered. You say an anaesthetist was present so you must have had sedation? Or be very unstable medically if it was under local?

I think you should go back to PALS so you can get some clarity on what happened and why whilst you were in theatre.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/07/2018 19:46

Ok I see what you’re saying. I have no idea whether I was covered when I was giving birth. I don’t think so. I have no idea who was in the room. I’d tried and failed for a home birth so it was ambulance and foreceps and I was exhausted and didn’t care.

As for when I’ve had things like smears, yes, dignity is usually preserved much better. When I was doing ivf my foof was out so often that I didn’t care anymore. It really was a case of they’ve seen it all before for me. Still feel like that now so I don’t care about the dignity thing. Didn’t care in hospital last week during hysterectomy etc.

But I get you’ve not had many experiences like this. You do need to pipe up some times. Everything is so routine for hcps and then when it isn’t, you’re an anomaly to observe.

MsXY · 01/07/2018 19:48

I have had a small audience of students and a video camera rolling during what should have been a private session with the psychiatric consultant.

Presumably you agreed to this? If not, that is completely unacceptable.

jamoncrumpets · 01/07/2018 19:50

They could've covered my labia and arsehole while I had a c section, I guess. But they didn't. Boo hoo etc.

Clionba · 01/07/2018 19:53

Being embarrassed and upset about a procedure is one thing. Suggesting that women are treated better is quite another. Doing so on a forum which is predominantly female is something else again! I hope all these responses help you, but also help you to understand women a bit better.

longwayoff · 01/07/2018 19:54

I suggest you raise any concerns you may have about your forthcoming procedure with your gp and or consultant. They, the medical professionals responsible for your wellbeing, will be far better informed than most of the WOMEN on here and will be able to reassure you far more effectively.

Dangerousminds · 01/07/2018 19:55

During my caesarian there were 16 people in the room and at the beginning I was definitely completely exposed and they shone a spotlight on me down 'there'. No idea why they needed to do that. My husband finds it hilarious Grin

Sorry that you felt like that and it didn't help that you weren't expecting it. However it happens a lot to us women during birth!

Gottokondo · 01/07/2018 19:55

I still feel that you should apologise for the comment that women are treated better. This tgread must have shown you otherwise.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/07/2018 19:56

@btp54 - a medical student I used to know told me that one of the gynae consultants who he observed used to wait until his patients were anaesthetised, and then get all the medical students present to do internal examinations on them ‘for the practice’.

None of these women had been asked if they were willing for this to happen - essentially, they were assaulted.

This is a number of years ago - one would like to think that a doctor would not do this today - and that, if they did, someone would blow the whistle - but then, consultants were gods who were above question.

I used to be a theatre nurse, and for surgery on a man’s scrotum, I would expect the level of uncoveredness you describe in your OP - however we were taught to ensure that our patients’ dignity was preserved as much as possible, and that they knew what was going on - so either you should have been covered up or, if the doctors needed to see your scrotum, this should have been explained.

jamoncrumpets · 01/07/2018 19:57

I forgot, they shoved a Volterol up my arse while I was numb too. Didn't know about that until I got home and read it on my notes. Would you consider that a violation, OP?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/07/2018 19:57

”I still feel that you should apologise for the comment that women are treated better. This thread must have shown you otherwise.”

I agree with @gotokondo on this point.

Tiddlywinks63 · 01/07/2018 19:58

Just wondering why a man in his 60's would come on MN to discuss his hydrocele.
Biscuit

butlerswharf · 01/07/2018 19:59

@KurriKurri I'm an ex medic. I know what happens. Me sharing my experience isn't top trumping anyone. So do sod off.

granof3 · 01/07/2018 19:59

And 24 years after the event was 3 years after the event of the birth of my second child. You are not telling me 14 people in the delivery suite is normal I might not have been able to adequately but I sure can count!! Recently my husband had 2 operations within the last 3 months one very intimate for a 55year old. The outcome was favourable but the embarrassment was still very accute. Think on health care professionals your seen it all before attitude really does not help most patients!

granof3 · 01/07/2018 20:00

Sorry that should read adequately PUSH!

Clionba · 01/07/2018 20:01

To make the point that men are treated worse than women.