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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

i feel like i was the freak show

169 replies

btp54 · 01/07/2018 17:37

I am a man and had a procedure done at a near by hospital about 10 days ago, it has left me very angry but didn't say anything at the time as I didn't know if they did wrong.
I was brought into the theatre and got on the bed I was lying there and was told to lift my gown where I was naked from waist down , they made no attempt to cover me up to save my dignity there were 5 members of staff including nurses , consultant and others in the room, 3 of them doing nothing but all having a look and making comments, I know they have seen it all before, so am I right to feel angry, would I have been treated differently if I was a woman.
as the procedure failed I now have to have an operation, but I am already angry that if they can not look after my dignity when I am awake what will happen when I am under a general anaesthetic, should I make a complaint

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 01/07/2018 20:02

So do sod off.

Ah - a revealing glimpse of your bedside manner when a mere mortal has the temerity to have a different opinion from you. What a wonderful ambassador you are for your profession.

butlerswharf · 01/07/2018 20:02

Yawn

Lucked · 01/07/2018 20:04

There would have to be a minimum of two people in the room one to do the procedure and one to assist (and also to chaperone). Three is not unusual as you might have a nurse assisting and also a clinical assistant who will do the admin and change and clean the room between patients. Others could have been training in any of those roles.

However they should had introduced themselves and it would be very reasonable to feed that back to them.

I personally don't find it unusual or surprising that you were exposed for a procedure on your testicle. Vasectomy is different because it is a proper surgical field so it is better to have the smaller area fully sterile and surrounded by drapes, it isn't done for your dignity.

I think this is more akin to a women objecting to her anus being exposed and not covered during a smear

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/07/2018 20:05

I'm sorry the procedure was tough for you, OP, but where on earth did you get the idea that a woman would be treated differently?

This is a real question, not a rhetorical one. Why did you think that?

lardymclardy · 01/07/2018 20:07

one of the comments was I haven't seen one of those before

I'm hazarding a guess that they were not talking about your penis.

KurriKurri · 01/07/2018 20:08

Yawn - oh God you have crushed me with your sparkling come back.

If you engage your brain and try to understand the concept of paragraphs you'll see that I wasn't even referring to you in my post - I was actually defending you right to be informed and consulted. Then i started a new paragraph and made a general point. What a shame you are so quick to jump to conclusions that you don't take time to read properly.

Got any more swear words to throw at me before I go back to the grown up conversation or is it your bedtime ?

milliemolliemou · 01/07/2018 20:12

OP I think your question's been answered as you yourself say. The general impression I get is that patients don't speak up enough and that your recourse, OP, is to PALS to ask about the need for so many people and to complain about your perception of one statement in particular. It must be difficult being treated as an example rather than a human being and it's worth mentioning to PALS Whatever the necessary learning experiences are for medics, saying "I haven't seen one like that before" is not a medically necessary comment!

butlerswharf · 01/07/2018 20:15

Yawn

JacquesHammer · 01/07/2018 20:17

What do you hope to achieve from a complaint? What would you like to happen as a result?

Original poster

btp54 · 01/07/2018 20:19

after a lot of comments to my post I wrongly assumed that where possible women would be treated with much more dignity than some of you have, I am genuinely shocked by some of your experiences, I genuinely thought women would be treated far better .
my procedure was literately an injection of local anaesthetic, then drawing off the fluid, so I could have been covered up and there was no need for the room to have the amount of people in it

OP posts:

longwayoff · 01/07/2018 20:20

Granof3 please go for a check up and make sure you choose a woman doctor. It really makes a difference to your comfort levels to be examined by someone with a similar interior.

Clionba · 01/07/2018 20:22

You thought women would be treated far better than you were? Well I am amazed, but maybe you haven't spoken to women much about these things. I hope you're enlightened.

MrsExpo · 01/07/2018 20:23

I’m sorry OP ...... I’m not normally this blunt, buts it’s hot, I’m tired and it’s been a long day. Please, just get over yourself.

Maybe a member of staff really hadn’t “seen one of those before” ..... that’s how mefical people learn new stuff. And as for how they are supposed to drain fluid from your nads without being able to see them ...... would you rather they were fumbling about under a sheet randomly sticking needles in anywhere, or would you rather they could actually see what they were doing.

Job done. Move on ....

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/07/2018 20:27

I genuinely thought women would be treated far better .

But why?

I'm honestly totally flummoxed by this. Women's bodies are pretty much public property in our culture. They're used to sell everything from aftershave to holidays, they're freely available to purchase, strip clubs are on ordinary high streets and soft porn in ordinary newsagents, anyone who objects to this is usually shouted down as an ugly jealous feminist hag, any adult woman will have stories about the harassment and assault she has experienced in public places (the 'metro' hashtag')....what on earth made you think they'd be treated better than men?

Seriously. What made you think that? Where on earth did you get that idea? I'm not being facetious. I'm honestly baffled and I cannot think of a single place where you might have got that idea.

(Well actually I can, but I'm hoping I'm wrong.)

Pepper123123 · 01/07/2018 20:28

I think I'd have felt humiliated.

I've given birth and had gynae exams etc, but for me the indignity of it never goes away.

Thinking about past medical experiences to do with that kind of thing still gives me anxiety.

Your feelings are absolutely valid. If that ever happens again, if I were you I'd request that only those who need to be there as a necessity are able to.

Whether they've seen it a hundred times or not, it was a bad experience for you and they could have been more empathetic.

ColoursOfRain · 01/07/2018 20:28

How rude some women are. They do nothing for the cause of being taken seriously.

When I had my cs, I was naked from the waist down. I was deeply unhappy about this, but my mind was on saving my baby and the unhappiness presented later.

What humiliated me was the two young drs/ nurses/ students having a giggle after - I asked why they were giggling at. It turns out they couldn't get the multiple pads in the right place between my legs and they kept falling out. I felt too vulnerable to complain, but this little moment still upsets me greatly (my baby had been whisked away for saving, so I was very unoset and confused) no one in that room shod have been laughing, not least when I was the joke.

Everyone - male and female - should be treated with respect.

Clionba · 01/07/2018 20:33

@AynRandTheObjectivist - absolutely.
Such an attitude just beggars belief.

Pepper123123 · 01/07/2018 20:33

And at no point did he state that women would be treated differently. He simply ASKED if we thought it might happen.

We are predominantly women, so he's asking our perspective.

We learn by asking questions. We shouldn't shoot people down for it.

Original poster

btp54 · 01/07/2018 20:35

i wrongly assumed women were treated better and I apologise for that mistake, but mrs expo you are also showing your ignorance, when I had my vasectomy there was a hole in the sheet where my testicles were exposed for that procedure and I was expecting the same again.
after all your comments I thank those that treated my post with respect and gave positive answers, I will be making a complaint and that will not be happening again to me

OP posts:

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/07/2018 20:38

I'm not detracting from OP's experience or invalidating his feelings. Nothing like that.

I'm just asking, sincerely, why he thought that women would be routinely treated better than men in matters such as this. I look at our mainstream culture and I cannot see a single thing that would suggest it. So I'm asking, out of genuine inability to understand, why he thought that.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 01/07/2018 20:38

i wrongly assumed women were treated better

But why?

Gibble1 · 01/07/2018 20:39

If you were in our theatre then you would have had: Anaesthetist and their trainee plus the anaesthetic nurse or ODP and maybe their student. Then you’d have had the consultant and their assistant. Then you’d have had 2 scrub nurses and a circulator.
The consultant and their assistant prep you (clean the area) and drape you and do the procedure. The scrub nurse sets up all the sterile equipment and passes it to the surgeons and does the swab counts and instrument check with another member of the scrub team. The circulator will be updating the computer, keeping time checks and running round getting bits and pieces as required. The anaesthetic practitioner should be trying to keep your mind off the procedure and keeping an eye on you in general- sometimes patients prefer not to chat at all. The anaesthetist and their potential trainee will be hanging around to ensure you are safe with the local and if necessary give you a general anaesthetic as it is not always manageable. All of the team members are necessary to the procedure and hydroceles of 1litre in size are not usually done with a syringe- usually they require a bit more work which you may not have been aware of. As you are numb, you can’t feel what is being done and surgeons talk quietly and are usually wearing masks so you can’t tell if they are talking.
I’m sorry you felt that the procedure was undignified but you have to stay uncovered to maintain a sterile field and reduce the risk of infection.

JacquesHammer · 01/07/2018 20:39

and I was expecting the same again

I think in future it’s important you check. I wouldn’t assume one procedure would be like another however similar they might appear to me.

Aridane · 01/07/2018 20:40

At least the troll hunting posts have been promptly purged by MNHQ

Original poster

btp54 · 01/07/2018 20:41

I suppose I thought because women went through far more hospital procedures that hospitals would get it right, I am actually very shocked that this doesn't happen

OP posts:

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