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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i feel like i was the freak show

169 replies

btp54 · 01/07/2018 17:37

I am a man and had a procedure done at a near by hospital about 10 days ago, it has left me very angry but didn't say anything at the time as I didn't know if they did wrong.
I was brought into the theatre and got on the bed I was lying there and was told to lift my gown where I was naked from waist down , they made no attempt to cover me up to save my dignity there were 5 members of staff including nurses , consultant and others in the room, 3 of them doing nothing but all having a look and making comments, I know they have seen it all before, so am I right to feel angry, would I have been treated differently if I was a woman.
as the procedure failed I now have to have an operation, but I am already angry that if they can not look after my dignity when I am awake what will happen when I am under a general anaesthetic, should I make a complaint

OP posts:
ColoursOfRain · 01/07/2018 18:02

But I don't think people should minimise your experience because theirs was bad.

happypoobum · 01/07/2018 18:02

Welcome to our world OP

placebobebo · 01/07/2018 18:03

Yes, you should make a complaint if they didn't respect your dignity.

No, unfortunately if you were a woman you would not have had better treatment. We are told not to be so silly, told we are imagining pain, told that's just part of having kids and so on whenever we try to object to procedures, or turn up with a medical problem, particularly a gynaecological one.

Doesn't make what happened to you, or what happens to women right though Sad.

LonginesPrime · 01/07/2018 18:03

one of the comments was I haven't seen one of those before

I think it's normal sometimes to feel like a specimen in hospital and to hear doctors discuss the ailing body part as if it isn't attached to a person - there are always people coming in and out during childbirth or similar so as a PP said, you leave your dignity at the door to some extent.

The other people might have been taking notes or there in case something went wrong - you could ask people's role next time if you're not sure they should be there, or explain your worries to your doctor beforehand.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 01/07/2018 18:03

Why in the name of God do you imagine you’d have treated differently if you were a woman?? That is just plain weird.

MattBerrysHair · 01/07/2018 18:04

Going against the grain a little here, but I think the presence of trainee or student HCP's should always be explained and permission sought before lifting gowns and being exposed etc. I've had 2 babies and various smears etc. and all the good nurses and Dr's have been mindful of my dignity and not done anything without a prior explanation.

Original poster
btp54 · 01/07/2018 18:07

I was having a testicle drained of fluid, so in my mind I did not have to be fully exposed, when I had my vasectomy they cover you up and just worked on the area needed, I understand if you are giving birth you can't be covered up.

I was angry as one of the staff just came walking by from another room and had a good look and one of the nurses that was sitting over the other side of the room came over just to have a look, neither were anything to do with the proceedure

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 01/07/2018 18:08

Strange place to post about this. I'm not sure other posters should be posting their experiences iykwim...

placebobebo · 01/07/2018 18:08

See, that's the point Matt. No one should have to have put the "all the good" part before the rest of that comment.

giveitfive · 01/07/2018 18:08

After I had the kids I waa seriously considering getting a photo leaflet printed of my floof, arsehole and tits for the very few people in my home town that wouldn't have yet seen them.... for the first kid, the door kept swinging open while my battered fanny was being reconstructed. At one point a nurse loudly demanded that my privacy was respected but I was so exhausted I didn't give a shit who was looking... and for the second which was an emergency c section I was rushed (stark naked and on foot) to theatre past numerous dad's on the delivery suite.. Im alive... I got a baby out of it... In addition I once had a smear test where the nurse decided she wanted a second opinion on the look of my cervix, but when she walked out of the room to get the doc, the door swung right back open and the whole waiting room got to see my cavernous vag jacked up like a Ford cortina getting a new exhaust.... I just pulled the sheet over my head. The moral of my various humiliations is.... today's embarrassment is tomorrow's funny anecdote.... these are professionals.... they don't care about your nads... I'm pretty sure all the people that have seen my ruined genitals over the years have ling since forgotten them....

OverTheHedgeHammy · 01/07/2018 18:09

am I right to feel angry, would I have been treated differently if I was a woman Good God I laughed out loud about this. Do you have any idea the side show that it is when a woman is pregnant and gives birth??!!

Thespringsthething · 01/07/2018 18:09

They should ask for students to be present. All other health professionals should be necessary (i.e. will be caring for you, or present in some capacity)- perhaps this was not the case.

There's no way it's better to be a woman but that doesn't mean you didn't feel like your dignity was at the door. My husband had a procedure on a sensitive part of the body and everyone was very nice about it (but quite a few people did view the offending article)!

RosyfingeredDawn · 01/07/2018 18:10

I am a nurse and like to think that in my unit we respect people's dignity. I would not expect extra people to be in the room unnecessarily.
This happens to both men and women and should not be minimised for either just because "they've seen it all before".
I'm sorry this happened and you feel like this.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 01/07/2018 18:10

one of the comments was I haven't seen one of those before

A whole load of medical students were called in to watch when I had a forceps delivery. How else are they supposed to learn? I had to listen to the doctor giving them a running commentary as he did the episiotomy and again later when he sewed me up....

MandalaYogaTapestry · 01/07/2018 18:10

Get a grip. PPs have just gave numerous examples of how various people 'come in and have a look'. It's a medical procedure. End of. I am afraid you won't find much compassion here for the reasons outlined above but if you wish you could share your bewilderment with your male friends (if you dare).

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2018 18:10

You should have been told who all the people were and why they were there. You should have been asked whether you were happy to have students present. You should have been covered as much as possible for as long as possible. You should have had everything that was done to you explained in advance.
And you have a perfect right to complain if these things did not happen. You are being unreasonable if you think these things always happen to women. They don't. But they should.

adayatthebeach · 01/07/2018 18:11

Oh please just get over it. Not worth the drama.

Gilead · 01/07/2018 18:13

one of the staff just came walking by from another room and had a good look and one of the nurses that was sitting over the other side of the room came over just to have a look, neither were anything to do with the proceedure
Quite normal in a hospital situation. It's how people learn.

LeahJack · 01/07/2018 18:13

No, YADBU. Anybody who has a medical treatment is entitled to dignity and respect. They should have explained to you who the people in the room were and what they were doing there. If there were people there who didn’t need to be there like student nurses they should have asked your permission.

I don’t know whether you would have been treated differently if you were female, but regardless of sex you shouldn’t have been treated in a way which left you embarrassed and humiliated.

It sounds like you need to have a word with PALS as it sounds like they could learn from this. It really is basic procedure to briefly explain who people are and what they are doing during routine procedures like that and it sounds like they could do with a reminder.

HollowTalk · 01/07/2018 18:13

Humiliation?

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 01/07/2018 18:14

Were they treating you for an ingrowing toe nail or compacted wisdom tooth then yes, they were just laughing at your willy when they exposed you. Were they trying to reconstruct a failed circumcision then I’m sure your dignity was fine. Ask absolutely any woman who is going to hospital for a gynaecology appointment and the rule is you leave your dignity at the door on the way in, pick it up again on your way home.

Do not complain, you already sound pretty pathetic.

hungryhippie · 01/07/2018 18:14

I shouldn't laugh giveitfive but you definitely have a way with words Grin

SimonBridges · 01/07/2018 18:14

One time having a smear I had the doctor, a student doctor and the student doctors assessor all there.
And that was just a smear. I was all of about 20 as well.
It happens all the time to women.

Gilead · 01/07/2018 18:15

I take it you had an epidydimal cyst? They're not that common so yes, people will want to look.

nohopemate · 01/07/2018 18:16

But he wasn't giving birth, people! That is a completely bogus comparison! And actually, when I was in labour I was wearing a dress which allowed me to retain some privacy about my body - I chose it especially. When I had a c-section, I was completely shielded by a huge screen, which gave me the illusion of privacy. And anyway, they weren't looking at my genitals were they?

I have had a lot of intimate examinations over the years, and yes consideration has been given to dignity, I have a cover of cloth or paper towel, which is lifted as needed. I am not just left exposed from the waist down for all to gawk at.
YANBU and they should have had more consideration for your dignity and they should have explained what is going on at all times and had you covered, as I was. It sounds like they forgot there was a person inside the body they were examining.

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