DH says I'm over reacting AIBU

[CheekyBlueDolphin]

Hi I really would appreciate your opinions on this.

DH and I have one 2 yo DD. She was playing on our bedroom floor just in front of the cupboard and he was getting ready to go to work. She was crawling in front of the cupboard so he gently pushed her away with his foot until he got her out of the way. I personally found that awful and asked him to not do it again. He said it was light and it was just a funny and playful thing to do. I've told him to not do it again otherwise she'll find normal when a man pushes her away with his foot. I said that he could have picked her up as she's so little and if he cannot do that to an adult he should not do it to a child. He said he is her father and has the right to play in whatever way he wants even if I find inappropriate. I asked him to respect her and my point of view and he said he won't respect something so ridiculous.

I just totally disapprove this kind of "fun" towards girls specially from their own fathers. Now husband and I had a massive argument and he says I'm mental and totally overreacting.

Any thoughts really appreciated. Am I overreacting and being unreasonable? Xx

I agree with your husband 100%. You are on your way to ruining his relationship with his own child.

You sound nuts. What other normal things do you think are grotesque?

I think a lot of the comments made to you are rude and uncalled for, as is the way many posts are going now.

If you feel the way you do about your DH behaviour at times, you need to sit down and talk about it.

The thing is, abusive men quite often disguise abusive behaviour as 'playfulness'. And abusive men quite often don't really show their true colours until the relationship is well established - and there are children.

OP may well be overreacting, and thoroughly PFB. But it might also be the case that her DP has a history of 'gently' mocking her and dismissing her concerns, and putting his own wishes first, and it having been 'easier' just to let him have his own way and make sure he's never even mildly inconvenienced. And it may be that the combination of him moving a small toddler out of the way with his foot and his insistence that he will do as he likes and OP can't object or everyone will think (or be told) that she is 'mental' is making the OP uneasy because she's seeing a pattern of contempt for women.

ReanimatedSGB ^^ this!

I did not give a full background so people would focus only on the fact of pushing her away with his foot and I genuinely was wondering if IWBU. You totally understand my point. Anyway, I apologised to him as it was the easiest and quickest way to end up a situation. But all the insights were very helpful - although I must agree with Ilovemypantry and a lot of comments were just plain rude.

Reanimated makes a great point.

But op, if you deliberately withold the background, you will inevitably get people focusing on one issue.

Not sure how helpful that is to you, as context is everything.

Anyway, I apologised to him as it was the easiest and quickest way to end up a situation.

Interesting, if that’s the way you resolve issues, think about what that approach teaches your DD. There are some issues here that need to be worked through not swept under the carpet.

YABU to withhold significant info and then get the arse when PPs don't agree with you.

Your DH has form for putting in the boot in ways you don't like and plainly your seen connection so you really needed to say this in your OP.

Given all this, why on earth did you apologise to him? He's done something that in its wider context is unpleasant. He's called you mental. Then you apologise? have you ever said to him how much you dislike this "playful" kicking?

"Plainly you are seeing a connection"

Women don’t interact with men in a vacuum, some of the most disturbing lessons I’ve learned about male and female interactions came from women. The fragile male ego, the incompetence of men etc were all ideas perpetuated by women.

The language you’ve used to describe your H’s behaviour appears to be quite extreme and I suspect there’s more to it, perhaps something in your past which this behaviour is triggering.

I would think about what is really bothering you about your relationships and repost sometime in "Relationships" (or else speak to real life friends).

Don't ignore your gut instinct. Most people here are posting from the perspective of being in a normal, loving relationship (which is a lovely perspective to be able to have but not helpful for you if you're in the middle of an abusive one) and without the experience of the insidiousness of being in an abusive one. I don't know your circumstances, but I know what it's like to slowly have your perspective skewed of what is right and wrong, until you end up not really knowing.

I completely agree that abuse can initially be masked as playfulness and critical "banter" (she's neurotic/mental/lazy...all said with a laugh - at first) So calling you "mental" for going against it can be all part of the pattern.

Have a think about what is bothering you and start to seek advice about it.

So basically you still think you are in the have apologised to keep the peace but will carry on thinking you are right intil another ‘incident’ ‘proves’ you right. OK.

In isolation this incident seems like an overreaction. So anyone with an ounce of brains would question what has happened in the past to make the OP behave like this, rather than make her out to be a hysterical harpy.

I get it. Him using his foot to wake you up, to make you move, to "play" kick your bum even though he knows you don't like it is degrading. There is no need for it. Maybe he was just being lazy using his foot to move the baby, or maybe this is him starting up the same degrading behaviour with her. The way he spoke and completely dismissed your feelings shows he doesn't have that much respect for you. YANBU.

I agree with reanimated and makeitrain