DH says I'm over reacting AIBU

[CheekyBlueDolphin]

Hi I really would appreciate your opinions on this.

DH and I have one 2 yo DD. She was playing on our bedroom floor just in front of the cupboard and he was getting ready to go to work. She was crawling in front of the cupboard so he gently pushed her away with his foot until he got her out of the way. I personally found that awful and asked him to not do it again. He said it was light and it was just a funny and playful thing to do. I've told him to not do it again otherwise she'll find normal when a man pushes her away with his foot. I said that he could have picked her up as she's so little and if he cannot do that to an adult he should not do it to a child. He said he is her father and has the right to play in whatever way he wants even if I find inappropriate. I asked him to respect her and my point of view and he said he won't respect something so ridiculous.

I just totally disapprove this kind of "fun" towards girls specially from their own fathers. Now husband and I had a massive argument and he says I'm mental and totally overreacting.

Any thoughts really appreciated. Am I overreacting and being unreasonable? Xx

Honestly unless there is a bac story and actually he drop kicked her out of the room I do think you are being a bit unreasonable.

I think your DH was also unreasonable in the way he spoke to you though! Although he does have a point it could’ve been kinder.

When was the last time anyone had an adult playing on their bedroom floor and crawling around in front of their cupboard?

That's none of your business

I've done that a million times. When you've got toddlers or babies, and they're crawling around the floor, and you're getting dressed or whatever, it's just easier and less intrusive to nudge them along with your foot. They can carry on crawling and playing with their little toys cos you're not picking them up and moving them; you're just nudging them along.

You're being ridiculous. Do you think dad can't rough house with her or play wrestle when she's a bit bigger because then she will think it's ok for men to wrestle her around? Or what if dad tells her off for something bad... will she then think it's ok for men to tell her off? You're reasoning is totally flawed and nonsensical. There is a massive difference between a dad nudging his kid and a man beating a woman. It's utterly ridiculous to limit his parenting because then she'll think men can do whatever to her. Makes no sense.

I hope you apologise to your husband.

Sorry another here that think you ovet reacted. I kinda get what you mean but in this instance I'm thinking you shoukd let this one go.

Dear Lord. Massive over reaction.

What's going on with these wordy earnest posts on MN at the moment ?!

I was going to comment but it seems unnecessarily rude to repeat it when so many others have done so. In your gut you may have thought, "WTF are you doing?!" But. It's not a big deal.

Sorry OP but you've over reacted. You owe your DH an apology!

Yab hysterical. Dear lord

She's two and totally unaware of the evil patriarchy. Get a grip woman.

Jesus fucking Christ...

otherwise she'll find normal when a man pushes her away with his foot

Will she also find it normal when a man picks her up and moves her out of his way? I think he's right too.

yes your teaching her that every man touching her is inappropriate. When this is her lovely dad scooping and sliding her out the way.she should be taught that there is a difference.for goodness sakes!if there is no intention behind it why make one.
what next.no picking up.no playfighting.dont push them playfully.no banter.no touching!
hes her dad.if you keep this up she will leanr to not only fear men but her father and that would be terrible

YABVVVU- hysterical would be closer. My dad used to swing me by my arms and throw me into the sea, I have never chased a man or wanted a man to do that to me, now I am an adult.

I loved my first pup immediately. Whoosh......it was so strong! A sweet, biddable girl. Got second pup 13 mths later, a boy. Unengaging, unresponsive, so hard to train. I felt I'd made a terrible mistake but couldn't give up on him. I cried often, he wouldn't recall, barked, reacted to other dogs etc. We persevered and, at around 10 mths, it all just clicked. I love him all the more for the challenge he presented!

Keep going op, the love will come.

I don't get the whole man/girl issue - but I also think it's strange he moved her with his foot. But you and I seem to be in the minority!

It sounds like you're going to bring your DD up as a feminist which is a very good thing. But yes, in that case, you overreacted. It's great that you're keeping an eye out for DD though.

No I feel the same as well. Not because she will get used to men shoving her with their foot 😂 but because it seems quite rude to just push her aside like an object in the way. Of course if it was a jokey game that’s different but I’d expect some other kind of verbal communication as well. Just moving her with his foot isn’t a game.

He said he is her father and has the right to play in whatever way he wants even if I find inappropriate.

That's very wrong for him to say.

However you ARE overreacting about his gently moving your little one with his foot.

I'm with you Op. This is how it starts.

How what starts?

:picardfacepalm:

How what starts Jax - a father parenting his child ?

I'm with you Op. This is how it starts.

You're right. He should have let the cupboard door swing in her face.

After all, even he lifts her up, he surely runs the risk that she'll grow up thinking it's normal for a man to pick her up whenever she gets in the way.

I can see what you're worried about, but unless he does it often or always and continues until she keaves home, then I think it's pretty harmless.

Children and babies do get treated a bit differently from adults, and there's good reason for it. But there are so many experiences, that a gentle push with a foot isn't going to stand out to her at all. He's unlikely to do it often at all, and she'll naturally become too big for him to do it soon anyway.

Is he doing other things that bother you? Is there more to this than you've mentioned? My ex would do this sort of thing when my dc was the same age, and in itself of course it sounds completely "normal" and playful from a dad. Only he became increasingly misogynistic, disrespectful and became a bullying father in the end. Maybe there are other little things that are bothering you about his interactions with your dd which have made this particular thing bother you like it has. I know I used to ignore lots of things and try to tell myself things were normal and ok before I eventually admitted to myself things were awful.
Funnily enough I would seek advice sometimes too, and would feel reassured to hear things were "normal". It allowed me to believe things were ok, which I desperately wanted them to be.
Maybe this isn't the case for you, and what everyone else is saying is the right advice for you. But what you said brought back sad memories for me. If you do feel things aren't ok, start to talk about it with friends, as that can be a first step to feeling less isolated.