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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I'm over reacting AIBU

139 replies

CheekyBlueDolphin · 29/06/2018 17:34

Hi I really would appreciate your opinions on this.

DH and I have one 2 yo DD. She was playing on our bedroom floor just in front of the cupboard and he was getting ready to go to work. She was crawling in front of the cupboard so he gently pushed her away with his foot until he got her out of the way. I personally found that awful and asked him to not do it again. He said it was light and it was just a funny and playful thing to do. I've told him to not do it again otherwise she'll find normal when a man pushes her away with his foot. I said that he could have picked her up as she's so little and if he cannot do that to an adult he should not do it to a child. He said he is her father and has the right to play in whatever way he wants even if I find inappropriate. I asked him to respect her and my point of view and he said he won't respect something so ridiculous.

I just totally disapprove this kind of "fun" towards girls specially from their own fathers. Now husband and I had a massive argument and he says I'm mental and totally overreacting.

Any thoughts really appreciated. Am I overreacting and being unreasonable? Xx

OP posts:
bbcessex · 29/06/2018 22:30

FYI - it actually sounds like you detest your husband, full stop.

If that’s the case, sort that out, not these batshit excuses.

QueenDoris · 29/06/2018 22:32

but but but

drip drip drip

He had a beer once

moan moan moan

RebelRogue · 29/06/2018 22:32

Tbh at the moment it doesn't sound like you like your husband much x

pyramidbutterflyfish · 29/06/2018 22:33

I must stop wiping my daugher’s bum in case she grows up thinking that’s normal.

WaggyMama · 29/06/2018 22:34

I used to love playing with my dad - he'd catch me and pretend to eat me, or stop me from getting up. These are great, loving memories.

My Dh does the same with my DD's and they giggle and laugh hysterically.

ConsistentInsomniac · 29/06/2018 22:36

Why is your opinion more valid than his when it comes to parenting decisions?

nokidshere · 29/06/2018 22:40

He has those grotesque games like pretend to kick me in the bum, wake me up pushing me with his foot, I just detest it all

On its own I would have said your dh was just being playful, we used to play a silly game where we pushed our boys off the end of the bed, which actually sounds awful if you say it to others.

However, you just don't sound happy at all and if you are feeling that way about potentially affectionate behaviour then it's time to take stock and decide what to do.

crispysausagerolls · 29/06/2018 22:42

I don’t like your attitude of belittling your DH by policing his parenting in this way. Sounds like you think you own your child and he can only act in a way that you approve of. If the roles were reversed...

Guavaf1sh · 29/06/2018 22:44

YABU - and you know it - hence the drip feed

JessicaJonesJacket · 29/06/2018 22:44

YABU about all of it. He is her father and he is allowed to parent her. You're asking him to change his parenting to make you happy but you don't have a monopoly on parenthood.
Having parents who detest and disrespect each other will have a much worse impact on your DD than her DF gently moving her with his foot.

TheAntiBoop · 29/06/2018 22:52

You sound very controlling of his relationship with your child. I actually think you could do more harm than good to your daughters future relationships if you continue undermining him

sanityisamyth · 29/06/2018 22:53

Seriously?

Shopkinsdoll · 29/06/2018 22:53

Oh dear, give me strength 🙈

Collaborate · 29/06/2018 22:54

I don't accept his reaction was OTT. He wasn't being unreasonable. You were trying to be controlling of his relationship with his own child. I'm not surprised he refused to accept that. But you didn't let up. You kept on at him. I'm not surprised he was pissed off. I would have been.

So if he doesn't do as you tell him he's disrespecting you. Hmmm. Are you always like this?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 29/06/2018 22:57

I'm guessing there is a good reason why you are super sensitive to men bring disrespectful to girls? You know you over reacted in this case? I just used my foot to move my daughter out of the way of the TV and she is 26! And I certainly did it when they were tiny. What's important is that he is a gentle, kind and respectful dad snd partner. If all good in all other respects then move on from this. Parenting should not in my opinion be mums dictating rules to dads but a discussion, surely?

Original poster
CheekyBlueDolphin · 29/06/2018 22:57

Thanks everyone for all your opinions. I just sent him a message apologising and he said it's ok. Xx

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 29/06/2018 23:09

Hmm. There are plenty of households in which this would be a routine, harmless gesture (as several pp have described) - and other PP are right to say that we don't normally pick adults up and move them out of the way, either, but doing it to babies and toddlers is harmless.

But your H's reaction sounded a bit iffy - the telling you to STFU and he will do as he pleases. And you have subsequently posted that he thinks it's acceptable to kick you 'playfully'. I don't think he hurt your DD or even meant to hurt her - I think it probably was a gentle, not unreasonable act in itself. But it's possible that what is worrying you is a feeling that he considers himself entitled to literally push her - and you - around, because he is the boss of the household, and that these pushes might be 'gentle' but if there is any resistance they might become less gentle.

Do you think that might be the case?

77leaves · 29/06/2018 23:56

He said he is her father and has the right to play in whatever way he wants even if I find inappropriate

No he really doesn't. He's just told you that he's going to disregard any of your opinions on parenting if they're different to his, even if it's important to you. That is really unreasonable. It's really not a big deal to... not move her out of the way with his foot. There is actually nothing wrong with not wanting him to move your daughter out of his way with his feet. But he throws a fit and calls you mental? He's being unreasonable, not you. Prepare for more fights like this one.

Collaborate · 30/06/2018 00:40

He's just told you that he's going to disregard any of your opinions on parenting if they're different to his, even if it's important to you. That is really unreasonable. No, it really isn't. OP is the one disregarding the father's opinions about how to interact with his own child. He's apparently not had the gall to lecture to OP what she should or shouldn't be doing with the child.

Imknackeredzzz · 30/06/2018 00:51

Drip drip drip!

Give me strength

Uchafi · 30/06/2018 00:54

It's not only an over reaction but also a very odd response from you. It's her father. He was being playful. Chill the fuck out.

busybarbara · 30/06/2018 00:54

if he cannot do that to an adult he should not do it to a child

I wouldn't stop an adult putting their hand in a fire, tell them they can't have an ice cream, or wipe their pooey bum.. children are not adults you oddball.

MentalUnload · 30/06/2018 00:57

You’re both overreacting. You first, then him. It’s ok to do what he did (in my view), but he can’t just do whatever he pleases. This is actually a good reminder to me to express things positively! Nobody likes to be told to not do something with their child.

notangelinajolie · 30/06/2018 01:10

Ok so what's the back story?

At the moment my feeling is that you are over reacting big time. If you would like to give a little bit more background information them my opinion may change. But right now your ABVVVVVU.

CadyHeron · 30/06/2018 01:16

Was going to add another YABU, and even more so for the drip feed after all the YABU's,but then seen Thanks everyone for all your opinions. I just sent him a message apologising and he said it's ok. Xx

Always like it when an AIBU is a near enough resounding yes and poster nicely takes it on board instead of flouncing off in a strop as they don't like the answers Grin