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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I'm over reacting AIBU

139 replies

CheekyBlueDolphin · 29/06/2018 17:34

Hi I really would appreciate your opinions on this.

DH and I have one 2 yo DD. She was playing on our bedroom floor just in front of the cupboard and he was getting ready to go to work. She was crawling in front of the cupboard so he gently pushed her away with his foot until he got her out of the way. I personally found that awful and asked him to not do it again. He said it was light and it was just a funny and playful thing to do. I've told him to not do it again otherwise she'll find normal when a man pushes her away with his foot. I said that he could have picked her up as she's so little and if he cannot do that to an adult he should not do it to a child. He said he is her father and has the right to play in whatever way he wants even if I find inappropriate. I asked him to respect her and my point of view and he said he won't respect something so ridiculous.

I just totally disapprove this kind of "fun" towards girls specially from their own fathers. Now husband and I had a massive argument and he says I'm mental and totally overreacting.

Any thoughts really appreciated. Am I overreacting and being unreasonable? Xx

OP posts:
ClownStar · 29/06/2018 19:11

I think you overreacted. I've nudged DD away with my foot at the same age. Once she was toddling she'd also sit on my foot and cling to my leg while I tried to walk, it was a silly game, I don't think she is likely to physically cling to future adults who walk away from her.

But I also think even if your DH does a huge eye-roll about it, he should not insist on doing something that you really dislike, much less call you 'mental.'

Wellthisunexpected · 29/06/2018 19:13

YABU, I do the same with DS, it's fun, it's a game.

agentdaisy · 29/06/2018 19:39

YABU. He didn't kick her out of the way, he gently nudged her with his foot which will have had the same effect on her as picking her up and moving her would have.

I used to do this all the time with my dcs, both boys and girls, when they were little. If dh had told me it was inappropriate as you did to your dh I'd have probably called him mental too.

It's just a playful nudge and mine used to make it into a game and cling to my leg so I had to drag them round as I walked. Now they're older they've not tried to cling to other people and be dragged round the floor.

TicketyBoo83 · 29/06/2018 19:42

Totally overreacting

ClaryFray · 29/06/2018 19:54

Yabu

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/06/2018 19:56

YABU. You are totally over reacting.

TheGreatCornholio · 29/06/2018 19:56

Do men often push you away with their feet?.

QuizzlyBear · 29/06/2018 19:57

Massively overreacting, sorry. It was gentle and playful and I can't imagine a scenario where your DD is going to select an abusive partner based on her father's gentle, playful gesture.

QuizzlyBear · 29/06/2018 20:01

Also I genuinely think you owe your DH an apology for implying some sort of abusive attitude on his part. I'm not surprised he was upset!

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2018 20:03

So much that we do to babies would be totally inappropriate for an adult, or even for an older child. Children do understand that things change as they get older.

Original poster
CheekyBlueDolphin · 29/06/2018 22:07

Ok I agree that I overreacted but his reaction was also over the top. This could be something that he could easily have avoided - he knows I don't like that already, but he said he will carry on doing whatever he thinks is appropriate because he is her father.

She's not an object to be pushed away with his foot. I push away toys and clothes, but not my DD. This is just rude and just because she's a baby who won't remember a thing within 5 minutes does not give me the right to do whatever I want.

He pushed her away with his feet and had a go at me calling me mental and raising his voice. Imo all those things were just plain rude. He pushes our DD away with his feet because she cannot say anything back. He has those grotesque games like pretend to kick me in the bum, wake me up pushing me with his foot, I just detest it all.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 29/06/2018 22:08

^ this all gives off a very different vibe to your OP

PotteringAlong · 29/06/2018 22:11

I think it’s a bit of a leap to call pretending to kick you up the bum a grotesque game.

MrsGrindah · 29/06/2018 22:12

Just knew this was going to be a drip feed one

TheGreatCornholio · 29/06/2018 22:13

Here comes the drip feed...

Ethylred · 29/06/2018 22:14

YABU and very unpleasant. You need to change this behaviour towards your DH; no reasonable person (and he seems reasonable) will tolerate such behaviour from their partner for very long.

BackforGood · 29/06/2018 22:18

You've asked the public at large if your dh was BU. You've had something like 85 replies, of which I think 83 have said Yes, YABU, ad what he did was perfectly normal parenting.

Repeating your opinion, doesn't then mean everyone is then going to come back and say the opposite.

Why ask if you can't accept you are out of kilter with this ?

adaline · 29/06/2018 22:19

Do you have some kind of foot phobia?!

Schmoochypoos · 29/06/2018 22:19

YABU

ReginaPhalange20 · 29/06/2018 22:20

You're really wrapping her in cotton wool if you're actually upset about this

TheGreatCornholio · 29/06/2018 22:21

Also pretending to kick someone on the bum = grotesque?

QueenDoris · 29/06/2018 22:24

So the MN jury say YABU and then your drip feed more vaguely annoying stuff. YABVU

Quimby · 29/06/2018 22:24

Drippity drippity drip

Rocinante1 · 29/06/2018 22:28

He still isn't doing anything wrong! I used to wake my partner up by poking him gently in the back till he starred to come round (only if I was really bored...) And he would nudge me awake if he was really bored too! It was just us being a bit funny and a bit cute; not grotesque.

I think you have some issues, and should maybe deal with them before your daughter gets older and you started telling her that she's being abused or tested grotesquely when someone just has a bit of fun with her...

There is a different between cute, fun behaviours and abusive behaviours. Your husband really seems like he's just a joker, and you're a bit of a snowflake.

bbcessex · 29/06/2018 22:28

😂😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂😂

Op - unless there is a huge back story of your DH being uncaring, abusive & drop-kicking your DD - pls calm down !