to choose the same baby name as my sister?

[jane2019]

DH and I first discussed baby names about 12 years ago when kids were still a long way off for us and we decided on a boys name we liked then and we decided a girls name about 6 years ago. These obviously weren't set in stone and we never told anyone else what the names were.
2 years ago my sister had her 2nd son and named him Benjamin but he is always referred to as/ called Benji. Benjamin was going to be our name for a boy. My sister didn't know this and I didn't tell her this after she had him either but I did mention it to my mum when she told me he'd been born and the chosen name.
I am now pregnant and it's a boy and there is literally not one other name I can find that I like for boys, nevermind one that my DH would also like. DH has one other name he likes but I don't like it. It's quite unusual and I tend to prefer old-fashioned, traditional names. I have read websites full of lists of names and still there is nothing I can find!
Since Benji is Benji how unreasonable do you think it is to call my son Benjamin?
I see my sister and her family about 5 times a year but we are quite close and keep in touch regularly via social media along with our other sister and brother.
I don't think she'd be thrilled about me choosing the same name as her but I don't know if it would bother her that much especially if we call him Benjamin and never Benji.
It is not a particularly unusual or unpopular name, always in the top 50, so I wouldn't be bothered if a friend also used it but with it being my sister's child's name I do feel a bit like I am overstepping the line.

@hygge sorry only just seen this. We lived in a small village and they would've gone to preschool and school 6 weeks apart with the same name. (We both had older children in the same year) so it would've been daft. The name was at the time quite unusual. We found another name and were very happy with it in the end. We actually ended up moving before they even got to preschool but I still saw this family daily up till we moved so it was the right choice.
Close family friends called their younger child the same name as my sister (they checked first how my mum felt). We didn't live close so no issue with day to day living and when we spent holidays together it was Big S and Little S.
The thing is it's easy to fixate on a name and think it's the only one, but the reality is there are plenty of names.

I haven’t read past page one but please don’t do this. You might love the name but it isn’t yours is it? It’s your sons.

Some kids love sharing a name and some hate it - given the odds let your son have his own identity within your family.

I have a Benjamin and love the name,but come on you must be able to come up with one other name you like between you.What will happen if you have another boy,will he be a Ben too? It doesn't matter if you thought of it first,your sister named her son first and you'll just have to use your imagination and think of something else!

"@HoratioNightboy - you do realise that other people can and do have different experiences and reactions to you, don’t you?"

"Yes, and we're all allowed to post about them."

Maybe without the 'Meh', to demonstrate how trivial you think the question is, and to suggest your superiority at not being worried by this issue...?

@Boredandtired - Thanks. I suppose it would have been odd in a small community and a very unusual name. Maybe more so to have two sharing an unusual name than four or five sharing a more common one.

I named DS a traditional name (after my Granddad) and I had someone comment that I should have chosen something more unusual, as she did for her son, because mine would be one of several at school and they'd have to use his surname or at least his initial to identify him from all the others.

As it happens, they are at the same school. DS is the only child of 230 with his name. Her son is one of seven just in their year group. She's really annoyed.

My name was fairly unusual when I was born, not so much now although my spelling is less popular than the alternative, and my mum is still annoyed that a woman down the road ended up in the local paper for naming her new cat my name about six months after I was born.

What would you do if you had another son after this one. Call him Ben too? Of course you wouldn't. You would find another name, just like you should pick a different one now!

I’m sure that as a teenager, your son will love being universally known in the family as “Little Ben” as my ex boyfriend was (different first name).
As other have said, if you’d had twin boys, there’s no way you’d have called them both Benjamin. Your avowal of there being no other boys’ name you could like reads as very childish.

I wouldn't. My brother named his little girl the name we'd have used if we ever have another daughter and we just wouldn't consider using it now....."Emily" (Not real name!) is his little one, our niece, my daughter's cousin, my parents' granddaughter and it would feel so odd to bring another Emily into the family.

No, sorry I wouldn’t use it and would be pissed off if my sibling named their dc the same name as mine

Of course you can’t dont be idiotic

Does anyone think OP's still reading?

Come on, there must be another name out of the thousands out there. What will you do if you have a second boy? Call him Benjamin as well? I think it would be odd to give him the same name as your nephew.

A previous poster mentioned how in Judeo culture, it's part of the culture to name a newborn after the most recently deceased member of the family. They're right. It is. Very much so. When my father was born, my great-grandmother nagged her DIL, my grandmother, to name him Michael, after his father's brother who had died a year or so earlier. My grandmother refused point blank to do this as she felt that her MIL wouldn't appreciate a small boy running around the house they all lived in, and everyone calling him after her deceased 7 year old - especially as this was the 1940s and his death was as a result of cancer. His death was horrific, by all accounts. My father's middle name, however, is Michael (as is my own son's). Similar, one of my brothers was named, identically, after my mother's brother who died as a newborn baby some 8 years before his birth. My brother goes by his middle name, purely to distinguish him from our uncle - and he admits to being slightly creeped out by the fact that his full name (first, middle, last) is already on a gravestone in our family's cemetery.

So, doesn't your son deserve his "own" name, OP?

nameberry.com/babyname/Benjamin/similar

I’m baffled at the people who’ve said things like ‘the family can always use his middle name’ or ‘they can use their full name; they’ll have different surnames’. So the options are give him the same name but use a different one, or always use his full name like he’s a soap opera villain?

For most people a name becomes part of their personality from quite early on. Neither my mother or I liked the name my sister was planning on choosing for her daughter, but once she was born it didn’t matter - that name became part of someone we loved dearly and we can’t imagine her being anyone else. The OP’s son deserves a name of his own that’s distinct in the family.

I would ask your sister, gauge her reaction but ultimately be prepared to change it. I suspect Benji may be called Ben as he grows up as may your Benjamin.

You are being totally unreasonable and you know you are

Are you going to call your next son Benjamin too?

Wasn't Benji the dog that put Jay off wanking in the Inbetweeners, and his dad got him put down after he said the dog shit on the floor? -Anyways you are being completely unreasonable OP! Your family and friends will think you're a nob! Your sister will at best laugh at you copying her, at worst she'll be furious.... And everyone will think you have zero intelligence to be able to come up with any other name on the planet.

I don't know why you think this ok, no don't burden your family with having to find ways to differentiate them especially as they are closely related if it was your cousin or someone else it might have been ok but using your Dsis sons name is too much and your poor parents having two grandsons called Benjamin! honestly I just think you need to get over it you the name is taken but surely you must be able to find a name you like just as much as Benjamin and even if you don't find one that you love straight away you'll grow to love your DS name anyway because it's theirs and you named them!

And what exactly will you say when everyone says "Oh! You've named him after DN?... Erm, no! We came up with the name 1st! 12yrs ago and I told my mum after DN was named" 😂 I'm not buying it's even a genuine post.

No
I know you liked it first therefore think you chose it first but the person in the family has already chosen it who had a boy first so you need to choose another.
I'm sure they will both be Ben when they are older.
Benedict and call him Ned?

My extended family is very small. I have just 2 cousins. One of them has the same name as me. She's 5 years younger than me. So ALL my life we have referred to her as little warpdrive, and I've been big warpdrive. Which was fine as kids. But when you're 45 and people still refer to you as BIG warpdrive it can be grating. Think how your kid would feel about being 'little Ben' all his life...

No, just no. The only boy’s name in the whole world you like?is this a wind up thread?

No, don’t do it.

Tbh poster, as most have said, there are many other names and you WILL find something else you both like. Think how hard it will be when they grow older, the boys will love having the same name, or hate it! There will be confusion every time at family gatherings and you may really annoy your sister, and how are your parents going to distinguish? I had 2 totally fave names for YEARS but as we couldnt get pregnant for 7 years both those names were taken by bestie friends, one whom lives nearby, one not, but I felt that I didn’t want the confusion and the feeling of being second to take the name. I still love those names but actually they wouldn’t have suited my kids!!! I think you may even have to wait until baby is born, but I think you’ll realise then that it’s going to be hard for EVERYONE in the family if you call him the same/similar name!!!!