to choose the same baby name as my sister?

[jane2019]

DH and I first discussed baby names about 12 years ago when kids were still a long way off for us and we decided on a boys name we liked then and we decided a girls name about 6 years ago. These obviously weren't set in stone and we never told anyone else what the names were.
2 years ago my sister had her 2nd son and named him Benjamin but he is always referred to as/ called Benji. Benjamin was going to be our name for a boy. My sister didn't know this and I didn't tell her this after she had him either but I did mention it to my mum when she told me he'd been born and the chosen name.
I am now pregnant and it's a boy and there is literally not one other name I can find that I like for boys, nevermind one that my DH would also like. DH has one other name he likes but I don't like it. It's quite unusual and I tend to prefer old-fashioned, traditional names. I have read websites full of lists of names and still there is nothing I can find!
Since Benji is Benji how unreasonable do you think it is to call my son Benjamin?
I see my sister and her family about 5 times a year but we are quite close and keep in touch regularly via social media along with our other sister and brother.
I don't think she'd be thrilled about me choosing the same name as her but I don't know if it would bother her that much especially if we call him Benjamin and never Benji.
It is not a particularly unusual or unpopular name, always in the top 50, so I wouldn't be bothered if a friend also used it but with it being my sister's child's name I do feel a bit like I am overstepping the line.

Bogglepop why would she have to tell you baby name in advance.you don’t get a veto

Wait until you meet your son.

I was firmly convinced that the name Marcus was right for my son. It is a family name. It would honour my beloved adopted brother who died. There could be no other name than Marcus. Marcus was going to be my DS's name.

When I met DS, he was such a lovely cuddly person. I realised that Marcus was far too patrician a name for the kindly person that I knew he was. It just wouldn't have suited him at all.

So wait until you meet your son

And btw you can have benjamin as a middle name.

Two of my cousins have the same name and nobody has ever raised an eyebrow about it

do what you want. I bet she stole something from you, and you can say you are getting your own back.... ;)

If you want to do it, just do it. Really. Life is too short. You don't live nearby, you see each other a handful of times a year. It's fine.

I guess I'm in the minority but YANBU.

My sister and cousin have the same name. We are a fairly close family. The name can't be shortened so it is said in the same way, no nicknames either. No one gets confused.

Nobody has ever been bothered by it. It's really not a big deal.

I would mention to your sister what your plans are but I wouldn't ask for her approval.

Franticallypeaceful - I wonder if we are related

When I was expecting my daughter someone local chose the name we had ready. So we chose a different name obviously. Of course you can't call your child the same name as your sisters son.

Don't do it!

We have two names that are commonly used in our family. Very common names - think John and Alison.

The first to be named , i.e. the oldest - are John and Alison

We then have John Boy, JohnG, Wee John (now 6ft 5!) We have Allison America (because that's where they live, Irish Allison (ditto) and George's Allison. If your child is second with the name there will be a differentiator applied. It will never be only their name.

Just use the name you'd use if you had a second son (or if this pregnancy had turned out to be twin boys).

Gabriel García Marquez, the Colombian writer has a brother whose is also called Gabriel.

I'd check with your sister, why risk falling out over this. There are so many beautiful names out there.

You've said you think your sister won't be pleased so I think I'd try to find a different name. What exactly did you say to your Mum when your sister used the name and what response did you get?

You're a close family, you see each other fairly often for siblings who don't live near each other. The boys are going to be seeing a lot of each other. If you really think your sister will mind and continue to mind, don't do it.

Can you live with him being called "Jane's Benjamin" or "little Benjamin" or "Benjamin Two" or something along those lines? Will you be just as happy in a few years if everyone's calling both of them Ben? How bothered are you that your mother will have two grandchildren with the same name? Are you likely to regret not using the name more than you might regret upsetting your sister? What has your DH said about duplicating the name?

If it is something you can’t budge from then maybe you could shorten it to Benny. They are both growing up in their own homes after all, if your sister doesn’t mind then it’s not going to be that much of an issue.

"When I was expecting my daughter someone local chose the name we had ready. So we chose a different name obviously."

Just because they were local? Not related?

How local were they and how unusual was the name?

Just no!!!!

It’s tough. Would you be upset if, after having your son called Benjamin your sister announced she was calling her son Benjamin but he’d be known as Benji?

Your parents will have two grandsons called Ben, it will get confusing, but it’s still your choice. Maybe if your heart was set upon it you wouldn’t be asking strangers their opinion. Like I said, this is tough. I’d find another name, you must have other options, you’d need another boys name if you had twins, just find your second option.

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous, if you go on to have a second son would you call him Benjamin too because there are no other names you both like??

Also think about your parents having 2 grandsons with the same name....

Oh no!

Benedict as a compromise - known as Ben?

Hygge you changed chosen name because someone local got there first
How local is local?a hamlet with 3 families or a metropolitan city?

I’d give it as the middle name but choose another first name.

You can't control nns, though. You can't force your son to be have his full title of Benjamin. What if 10 years down the line her wants to be known as BenjI.
Surely to God you can think of something else. There are after all 1000s of boys names out there.

I come from a family that has a number of James (my dad, brother and first cousin). My grandmother was Elizabeth, Aunt Betty, first cousin Beth and sister Liz (these three nicknames for Elizabeth).

I also have first cousins Michael and sue (brother and sister). Michael married a lady named Sue and my cousin Sue married a guy named Michael. Hasn’t caused any problems.

Go for it, just be sure no one shortens to Benji.

One of my cousins gave her daughter the same name as mine. My daughter was 5 when the baby was born and there is only one other girl child in that generation of our family.

I didn’t say anything, but the baby is about 18 months old now and I’m still pretty pissed off about it and I rather pettily didn’t ‘like’ any of the baby pics on social media.

That said, my sister and I both gave our sons the same middle name, but it’s our grandad’s name, and grandad was named after his dad, so it’s a different situation (and she asked/told me before making it public).

I would do it OP

Big no. Will cause issues that aren't needed

@bogglepop that's a compliment as you are different generations and not related.

If you were related and the same generation that would be weird.

I have two nieces exactly with the same name who are around the same age. When I was first told I raised my eyebrows and made a face even though my brother, who had the first niece, was being his usual diplomatic self.

I have another 2 nieces with very similar sounding names who with approximately 2 years age difference. Their parents did discuss with each other at the time and no one thought anything of it particularly as the one of the nieces goes by one of her middle names in family situations.