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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to choose the same baby name as my sister?

291 replies

jane2019 · 29/06/2018 16:07

DH and I first discussed baby names about 12 years ago when kids were still a long way off for us and we decided on a boys name we liked then and we decided a girls name about 6 years ago. These obviously weren't set in stone and we never told anyone else what the names were.
2 years ago my sister had her 2nd son and named him Benjamin but he is always referred to as/ called Benji. Benjamin was going to be our name for a boy. My sister didn't know this and I didn't tell her this after she had him either but I did mention it to my mum when she told me he'd been born and the chosen name.
I am now pregnant and it's a boy and there is literally not one other name I can find that I like for boys, nevermind one that my DH would also like. DH has one other name he likes but I don't like it. It's quite unusual and I tend to prefer old-fashioned, traditional names. I have read websites full of lists of names and still there is nothing I can find!
Since Benji is Benji how unreasonable do you think it is to call my son Benjamin?
I see my sister and her family about 5 times a year but we are quite close and keep in touch regularly via social media along with our other sister and brother.
I don't think she'd be thrilled about me choosing the same name as her but I don't know if it would bother her that much especially if we call him Benjamin and never Benji.
It is not a particularly unusual or unpopular name, always in the top 50, so I wouldn't be bothered if a friend also used it but with it being my sister's child's name I do feel a bit like I am overstepping the line.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 29/06/2018 22:13

We have two in the family with the same name, one a toddler, the other a 10yo. You can bet when you're talking about your ss, the person is thinking of the other and vice versa.when the family is together people get confused easily etc. eg x just ran by, he took my toy off me! Which x, big or little? This actually happens, and regularly!!!

CanaBanana · 29/06/2018 22:13

It wouldn't bother me (if I was the sister) as long as they had different surnames and different middle names, and obviously different nicknames. Check with your sister first though.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/06/2018 22:14

A similar thing happened between my DM and her sister. It didn't end well, it split the family and it's never recovered since.

I wouldn't do it personally.

Hygge · 29/06/2018 22:16

@LipstickHandbagCoffee - No I didn't, read back a bit.

I was asking @boredandtired because they said that's what they did.

Leeds2 · 29/06/2018 22:24

If you were having twin boys, you would call them Benjamin and xxxx. If you call your first born Benjamin, and then have a second son later, you would call him xxxx. I would choose that second name.
You will, ultimately, grow to dislike your son being referred to as Little Benji, Benjamin 2 etc.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 29/06/2018 22:30

YABU, unless you don't mind your DS forever being known as "the other Ben", then go ahead.
Conversations surrounding yours and DSis's DS to the people who know you will forever go like this:

"Ben came first at sports day today,"
"Did he? Sarah and Tom's Ben?"
"No, the other Ben".

Your child arrived second, so he will be the alternative one while the first born is your circles' primary 'owner' of the name.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 29/06/2018 22:38

^^speaking from family experience here, as my Cousin has the same name as me. She was born 4 months later, and she was "the other Emma" and "Emma 2" while we grew up (not my name Grin).

DDad didn't say anything to DB and SIL, but both he and other family members have privately expressed that from the outside, people must think our family lack any imagination or individuality Grin.

strawberrypenguin · 29/06/2018 22:40

No don't do it. If you must have Ben at least use a variation such as Benton or Benedict

LookAtThatCritter · 29/06/2018 22:44

Yes YABU - choose a different name!

Amaried · 29/06/2018 22:46

Sorry that would just be weird. Of all the names in the world you would have to choose the same as your sisters child
I'd think you were bonkers.

AfterSchoolWorry · 29/06/2018 22:46

Nope.

As for your 'can't think of another name I like', sorry no. There are billions of names out there, choose something else.

littlemissdynamite · 29/06/2018 23:23

@bettydumonde

One of my cousins gave her daughter the same name as mine. My daughter was 5 when the baby was born and there is only one other girl child in that generation of our family.

I didn’t say anything, but the baby is about 18 months old now and I’m still pretty pissed off about it and I rather pettily didn’t ‘like’ any of the baby pics on social media.

OH NO!!!!!!

Bet your cuz was totes devo'd at you not LIKING her pics on fakebook! 😂😂😂

.
Jeeez..

You could not make this shit up! 😂😂😂

WildCherryBlossom · 30/06/2018 06:55

I know several Bens with brothers called Ollie (including a set of twins). How about Oliver?

KERALA1 · 30/06/2018 07:11

You can of course but the majority of people will think you are abit odd. Plus your child risks feeling like an also ran. Definitely not worth it for an ok but tbh quite ordinary run of the mill name.

WilburIsSomePig · 30/06/2018 07:20

Oh fgs OP, don't be ridiculous.

People will just think you can't think of anything else. Give your boy his own name.

lottsagain · 30/06/2018 07:26

I can't believe there is no other name that would work. Thank God my sis would never do this to me and if she did she would be a massive weirdo.

BlackberryandNettle · 30/06/2018 07:38

I wouldn't use it, it'd be an ongoing embarrassment for you and him that you'd appear to have copied your sister. Surely there's another name out the that you could use?

Booie09 · 30/06/2018 07:38

Why don't you have it as a middle name! My cousins daughter is 5 months older than my daughter and gave her the name we wanted as a middle name...Also her brother gave his daughter the same middle name...which I think is lovely as it was my late Grans name. First name No.

BlackberryandNettle · 30/06/2018 07:40

Jake? Jasper, Barnaby?

BlackberryandNettle · 30/06/2018 07:42

Zack? Jamie?

justilou1 · 30/06/2018 07:53

Please not Benedict... my friend has been called Bendy Dick all his life and he loathes his name.

Mrsmadevans · 30/06/2018 08:01

They may even call your DS Benny

FuckPants · 30/06/2018 08:02

There was a similar thread recently where the sister had already named her child with the same name as her niece or nephew.

No, just no.

KateGrey · 30/06/2018 08:22

You can but personally I wouldn’t. He’ll always be the second Ben. Yes you don’t ever own a name but I just can’t see why you’d want to chose the same name as a close family member. My sons both have the same name as my cousin’s husband and one of their children but they live 200 miles away and the child is 10 years older than my son and we see them about once a year.

But if my sister called her son after one of my sons i would think it was a bit strange given that there are loads of other names.

happymummy12345 · 30/06/2018 10:13

I wouldn't. If you were that bothered you should have told people the names you liked/ were planning to use.
You can't complain if someone else in the family uses it when they didn't know you wanted to.

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