To wonder about cause and effect - cosleeping

[Goostacean]

I’ve noticed that I’ve met several mums with babies (10-18months) who don’t sleep through and have never slept through, and they cosleep in the bed.

Are those with bad sleepers resorting to cosleeping longer term, or does cosleeping disrupt sleep?

I’ve barely done it- just for a few hours when baby was merely weeks old between 6-9am sometimes, after baby had spent the night in the cot. We always had very bad sleep in the big bed, and are all far happier if I return baby to the cot. I can’t help but wonder whether not cosleeping would solve/improve the sleep issues these babies have?

Hmmm interesting one. Actually the co-sleeping kids I know don’t sleep through, but out of three two have never slept and coslept from day one and one changed to cosleeping in an attempt to sleep but she still didn’t. Personally I have no experience as I wouldn’t risk consleeping but ds slept in a moses next to bed then in his own room and cot at 10 months but has pretty much always slept through (teething aside) from a few weeks old. If I bring him in our bed when he’s poorly or trying to snatch a lie in he’s a NIGHTMARE. Never slept in our bed easily and has no desire to. Loves cuddles though!

My brother was still in DM’s bed aged ten. He’d always start out in his own bed then climb into hers in the middle of the night. She’s told me she didn’t sleep at all for the first three years of his life, he was a nightmare. He’s 19 now and still very clingy, he will obsessively text my mum if she isn’t home when he gets back as he hates being home alone. It’s weird.

Anyway that was a tangent. I did briefly co-sleep with all three of mine when they were babies because it made breastfeeding so much more bearable. They transitioned to their cot aged one and that was the end of it. The only time they end up in my bed now is if they’ve had a nightmare or are really sick.

DS1 is now going through the night in his own bed at nearly 6 years old. I'm glad co-sleeping gave him some comfort (and me some sleep!!).

DS2 still in my bed at 26 months, happy for him to be here as long as he wants to.

Co sleeping in a proper cot for purpose next to me was glorious.

She has her own space I had mine I slept better she did. It was brilliant. I remember going to nct groups and other mums were shattered, they were getting out of their beds several times a night to go to another room to sort the baby.

Apparently I was a horrific sleeper as a baby and my parents never co-slept. I think our obsession with babies sleep and them sleeping through the night makes people think there is a problem to be solved when there isn't, especially with a breastfed baby.

My younger brother was (and still is) an amazing sleeper. 12 hours at night easily, and a long nap in the day until he was about 3, but until he was about 6 he'd creep in with my mum and dad. No one was arsed about it, he stopped when he was ready but when asked he'd just say "I was cold and lonely" - can't argue with that! I sleep much better when my partner is there, I hate sleeping alone!

DD and I sleep in a double bed in her room. DH sleeps in our bed.

I never thought I'd cosleep, or sleep separately from DH, but DD was an awful sleeper from day 1. We started cosleeping as soon as I felt it was safe, after approximately 1 year of horrible sleep deprivation during which I felt and looked like a zombie. I actually enjoy cosleeping now, as it gives me extra cuddle time with DD.

Co sleeping in a proper cot for purpose next to me was glorious.

I'm SO doing that next time!

Why is sleeping through seen as such a positive/essential though? Just because a baby CAN sleep through the night, doesn’t necessarily mean it is what they would prefer or what is best for them developmentally. Babies have slept with their parents for thousands of years, it’s only in the last 50 or so years that all of a sudden we are obsessed with having babies nowhere near us.

I had one terrible sleeper who loved co-sleeping. He was in with me until about 15 months when he started sleeping through the night so I moved him into his own room. He is 3 now and sleeps for 12-13 hours every night.

My other terrible sleeper is now 6 months and I'm finding her much harder work as she hates co-sleeping. She's so funny. Once she's finished feeding she gives me a hard push, wails and reaches towards the cot. When I lay her in her cot she turns her head away from me and goes to sleep. Of course, she still wakes up 1-4 times a night. Given her different sleeping requirements, I wonder if she will do better in her own room.

I didn't cosleep ever. Both of mine didn't sleep through until after the age of two.

My DD (8) was sleeping with me last night as she wasn't feeling well. She and my DS (10) chatted for ages about having coslept with me from birth and early years and how it made them feel so loved, safe and secure. DS said he never had to be afraid of monsters under the bed!

I co-slept/sleep with both of mine as that felt like the natural choice. Would've hated being away from my babies. I breastfeed and feel it is easier to feed during the night with baby lying at my side or across my chest. I love the cuddles too. My 6 year old goes down in her own bed no problem now, but she does still come up into our bed every night for a snuggle. My baby is 6 months old and I'll co-sleep for as long as he wants to. He goes down in his cot for naps during the day no problem, and I put him in his cot after his last feed. When I go up to bed, I take him up with me. I've never been a sleep deprived mum and wouldn't change a thing. It'll not be forever! X

We won't be co-sleeping. And I encourage other parents not to do it either. The risks of smothering your baby are so high and for me that's not a risk I'm willing to take.

Goth237, this is why there are guidelines for safe co-sleeping.

I didn't intend to co-sleep/bedshare but I terrified myself a couple of times by falling asleep or almost falling asleep whilst breastfeeding sitting up. I researched safe bedsharing to make things as safe as possible, and DS slept so much better next to me. He now sleeps in his cot for most of the night (7pm to 1am ish) and then I pop him next to me for about another 5 or hours. He doesn't wake up properly, just semi wakes up for milk. He sleeps around 11 to 12 hours and has done from a very early stage. It has meant we have all had great sleep and I haven't really suffered with sleep deprivation since those early days.

We never co-slept with our first although she did stay in our room til at least 6 months (much to the suprise of my mother and sisters, who simply couldn't comprehend not putting her in her own room! But it didn't bother us at all having her with us so it just seemed the right thing to do.) She slept really well, 8pm-5am from 3 months. She napped well too. I remember repeatedly telling my husband that while I do think routine is important and may be a big factor in her sleep, there is a huge amount of luck involved and who knew how the next would be...? (She was bottlefed which I know may be a factor in sleeping for longer periods).

DC2... we didn't plan to co-sleep and he always started in his cot but inevitably ended up in with us. Partly this was because we were just so much more knackered second time round that when he woke to feed I would often let him sleep in the bed afterwards, but also he just struggled to settle back in his cot (despite going down no problem when he first went to sleep). We never had this with DC1, she hardly ever cried or fussed at all when she was put down, and never for more than a few minutes.

DC2 has just moved into his own room at 11 months and after 2 nights (when he woke at some point and we brought him in with us) he is now sleeping from 6/7 til 6/7. Prior to moving out he was waking at least once but often 2 or 3 times, climbing on us etc and because he is now mobile we were concerned about safety because of the chance he might crawl off the bed without us noticing.

As others have said, I think it depends so much on the baby. I didn't intend to co-sleep and I would say it 'worked' for us in that it was the best way for the most people to get the most sleep (and I did love having him in bed when he was asleep or dozy!!) but we all sleep a LOT better separately. If there is ever a Baby Number 3 I would prefer him/her to follow DC1's pattern but obviously you can't choose!

Some proper research would be very interesting but not sure how it could be carried out properly.