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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To steal a baby name?

287 replies

Maggie24715 · 28/06/2018 20:50

My husbands cousin is TTC and we were chatting about baby names. I'm 6 months pregnant and love the baby name she's chosen.
Would I be the worst in the world to steal it?
They live at the other end of the country so we only see them at family weddings - but they are a close family with lots of FB groups etc.

OP posts:
PuddlesOfBud · 28/06/2018 22:02

So she only has herself to blame

So anyone who doesn't assume the worst of their friends has themselves to blame? Fuck that.

pilesup · 28/06/2018 22:05

It’s mean spirited.

lizzie1970a · 28/06/2018 22:05

If it was something you already liked and said right then and there oh we were thinking of that then fine but otherwise no. Who wants to be a copycat anyway. Think of your own name and be original.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/06/2018 22:08

There is no your own name.There are names,
some are popular & perennial. Some are never on a list
And they’re all up for use.

bluemoonchances · 28/06/2018 22:09

It's a shit thing to use it if she's told you it's what she wants to use and before then it wasn't already your number 1 choice. Unless during that actual conversation you said to her that it was also the name that you had chosen.

I've been TTC for years, still no joy, but have had my girls name chosen for as long as I can remember. A couple of years ago someone close told me they were considering using it (knowing it's my fav name) I just smiled and said that's nice as obvs I've not got exclusive rights as I wasn't even pregnant. I cried a lot when I got home! I just couldn't control my emotions! It was like they were stealing my baby in a weird way!

littlemissdynamite · 28/06/2018 22:10

The histrionic responses on here LOL. 'What a shitty and mean thing to do' 'Your cousin will forever be sad.' 'You must be a sociopath/psychopath,' 'Are you willing to lose your family's respect?' Jeezus, Is the OP in the mafia?! 😂

My extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins has 3 Peters, 2 Davids, and 2 Pauls. Also 2 Karens.

Don't ever remember any cousins or aunts getting pissy and offended when a sister or cousin called their kid by the same name.

People are waaaaay too precious these days.

Call your baby what name you want.

As I said, (and a few others said,) she should not have shared the name.

TheLionRoars1110 · 28/06/2018 22:10

I'm normally of the 'nobody owned a name' brigade but in the circumstances I think it would be mean and I wouldn't.
Is there a similar name you like?

hotsouple · 28/06/2018 22:12

Is there anything else that's OK to steal? Is it extra uncomfortable to steal and then have evidence of what you have stolen visible to the person you stole it from forever? You have your answer.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/06/2018 22:12

I’m from a big family,lots of kids,extended family.and there are multiples of names
No one minds,it’s not a deal
In many families it’s common to have cousins with same names without it leading to loss of dreams,inconsolable moods or lingering what ifs

kissthealderman · 28/06/2018 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 28/06/2018 22:13

Friend had her baby a month after my DD was born. Gave her the exact same names - first & middle. First name is fairly unusual, and I hadn't discussed it with anyone before DD was born. Middle name was a family tradition, so meaningful. I spent the first five years very pointedly replying 'MY daughter was born first' when people commented.

I wouldn't say I'm holding a grudge but it was ten years ago and I still remember it you bitch

Cattenberg · 28/06/2018 22:14

When I was pregnant with DD I really liked the names Seren and Serena, but my cousin's DD is Seren. I only see these relatives once a year max, but decided not to use either name. I don't know how my cousin would have felt, but I'm pretty sure my aunt wouldn't have been impressed.

In the end, my DM suggested a name that's slightly more unusual and it really grew on me. I love it and am glad it's an original choice - DM heard it on TV, but we don't personally know anyone else with this name.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there will be other names out there you could really grow to love, and you'll feel better if you find one of those instead (as will your DH's cousin, no doubt).

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/06/2018 22:15

A purse,bag,identity can be stolen and are defined by belonging to an individual
Name can’t be stolen it’s not a possession. A name doesn’t have ownership
Names have significance & meaning but that doesn’t mean name can’t be replicated

Fruitcorner123 · 28/06/2018 22:16

PurpleRobe that's horrible. What a shitty thing for your friend to do. I hope she is no longer someone you confide in.

littlemissdynamite objecting because another child (birn after yours) has your child's name is petty. Objecting because a family member took a name you had chosen for their child when you are having trouble conceiving is very different. It's the ttc that's the point here. This woman may or may not have a baby with that name but if the OP had already chosen that name she had a chance to sleak out then and say "that's our chosen name too". She didn't because she has come to like it as a result of the conversation. It would be cruel for her to steal it when it is clearly more important to the cousin who has chosen it before her child was even conceived.

If you can't see the difference then you have an empathy problem.

Notonthestairs · 28/06/2018 22:17

Of course nobody owns a name blah, blah. And both of my kids are named after friends (both living!) so maybe I've pissed them and their parents off!

But no if someone I cared about confided "their" baby name - then unless it was already on our list of potential names - I wouldn't use it.

If it had been on our list I'd have been open and would say immediately. It doesn't sound like this name was on your radar until the cousin mentioned it and that's what makes it a dick move.

hotsouple · 28/06/2018 22:21

If the OP is referring to it as stealing herself I suspect she knows its not on, whether or not its a real property crime.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/06/2018 22:23

Well yes,I agree given op has phrased it as stealing
Suppose makes it more lively if she subsequently uses the name

SoupDragon · 28/06/2018 22:23

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should.

Ginger1982 · 28/06/2018 22:24

Don't do it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/06/2018 22:25

And just because there’s a strangled notion of name ownership doesn’t mean one must adhere to never using same name

Discotits · 28/06/2018 22:25

Interestingly on MN, when people say ‘my DC is called X, my cousin has used the same name’ people quite often tell the OP they are wrong to be precious about a name.

FWIW, I think stay away from this name.

Fruitcorner123 · 28/06/2018 22:27

it's not using the same name, its stealing because the cousin hasnt conceived yet. She confided in good faith and you would be stealing and you know it. If she was having a baby before you that would be different..

HappyLollipop · 28/06/2018 22:27

Nobody owns a name but by using it knowing she one day dreams of naming her child that your going to cause untold hurt to her, it's such a shitty thing to. Do you really want to lose your cousin and maybe even other family members if they side with her over a name? Naming a baby should be joyous occasion and if you do this it will tarnish the whole experience, find another name there's plenty of them.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/06/2018 22:29

So what the op has to to forgo a name she likes on off chance a cousin who’s not pg actually gets pg.
Daft

Baubletrouble43 · 28/06/2018 22:29

I've read lots of Martina Cole, she is great. Op, don't pinch the name. I think it would be wrong