All freedom gone

[sunlovinlover]

Hey,
I posted awhile back about how my parents have been using my for childcare since I returned home from uni. Long story short, I work from home and they’ll leave the kids with me even when I’m working so they can go out or do whatever. Sometimes they will go on holiday and I’m left to look after a 5 year old and 10 year old for a week. I’m 22 btw. I also do pay them rent.
Anyway there has been a further development in my loss of freedom. My stepdads car was recently written off. A few weeks back when the floods where happening his car was ruined.
While the insurance went through we coped with two cars, mine and my mums. This restricted me a lot and I was told I needed to ask or give them advance notice if I needed to use my car.
This got my back up abit as living at home after uni, my car was my last ounce of freedom. My stepdad used my moms car and my mom began using mine for work, school run etc. (Also she works nights so my car would be gone when I finished work at 6)
This was annoying but fine while the insurance went through. After a few weeks I asked again what was happening. Apparently everything had gone through fine but then they very casually told me they weren’t going to replace the car and we were going to survive on 2 to ‘save money’.
I’m furious. I feel ridiculously trapped. The advice on the last thread was to move out but I’m just too scared to, money worries and all that.
I tried to approach the subject calmly and say that I really feel like my freedom is gone and could we discuss the idea of getting a cheap run around (we had 2 (now 1) Audi 4x4s which I agree a unnecessary. They basically went mental at me and well...I worry that if I stick to this they won’t speak to me. I also don’t want to make their life harder...but I’m 22 and I really really just want to be able to go out when I like...with the car I pay for :(
Arrrgg. Any advice?

Keep your car keys with you so they cant use it?

Any chance you can leave? Take work with accomodation? Flatshare?

That sounds awful. Apart from moving out I really can't think of a solution.

If you are paying them rent can't you put that toward a bedsit instead?

I don’t want to be a cow about it and just hide my keys or anything like that.
The thing about moving out is, all my friends are scattered about the country, my boyfriend lives away at Uni still, so I’d be moving in with strangers as I can’t afford to live alone really and that worries me!

You need to move out if you possibly can. Doesn't sound like anything will change unless you do.

You are working. You can move out. Sell your car if you have to for the deposit.

Strangers won't take your car away or make you babysit their kids though

Stop being too scared, make a financial plan and move out. That's what adults do. We're all a bit scared sometimes, that's normal and healthy. Letting it stop you doing from what you need to do isn't healthy. If you need help getting a plan together then post here, I'm sure that there are plenty of posters willing to think about where and how to live on your own and how to budget. We've all been in your shoes one way or the other. You'll be much happier in the long run

Who pays for your car? If it is all you then just say no.

You really need to move out. Thus is only going to get worse and build up more and more resentment.

You dont want to a cow about it??

Fine, just let them run roughshod over you whenever they want then

Did you buy the car? Are you paying for road tax, insurance, maintenance?

I think its time to look for somewhere else to live? Look for a flat share with people the same age. It may seem daunting but it could be fun and five you back the reins.

You must have lived with strangers at least once at university, surely? It’s not that scary. Many people do it when they start out as rents are expensive and you can’t always be with friends. I moved areas twice early in my career and lived with strangers. They aren’t strangers for long.
You clearly won’t have freedom while you live at home because your help is taken for granted. You have to move out and begin your independent life.

Yanbu however nothing will change unless you want it to.
I moved out at 17 because of the amount of pressure my mum put on me.
It changed our whole relationship. We get along better than ever.
I think it's worth you looking into.

Is there any way you can move out? I know you say you don't want to make their life harder, but you do seem very unappreciated by them.

There is no need to be scared about a house-share. You can actually meet the people first (and they'll probably want to meet you too rather than letting a total stranger move into their home).

You're 22, I'm not sure why you are letting your parents dictate your life like this. I really think moving out is your only option here.

Why don't you go and look at some house shares and meet people. Yeah it's scary but it can be a great way of making friends. Some flatmates I've hated, some are best friends 20 years later! Most house shares its in everyone's interests to get on...explain you're nervous as first house share and you'll be able to tell what they're like from their reaction. And you don't have to move til you find one you're comfortable with. But if your family won't listen I think you have no option

Move out. Move in to a house share. Dont tell them where. Visit once a week.

Get a grip really. You're an adult. Act like one. Manage your own life and get it back.

You really should move out, they're treating you terribly and very disrespectful towards you by the sounds of it

Move out. Or at least work from an office or the library for a good portion of the week. You won’t do well in your job if you keep doing this. Wait for summer holidays, what is the plan for childcare then? Also make specific plans, say you’ll be out on Thursday night and if they take your car just have a meltdown.

Presumably the people you lived with at uni were once strangers. You can do it again. Can you find a job nearer bf or friends and move on?

Is the car registered to you? In which case them taking it without your consent (even if they return it) is a criminal offence - taking without consent.

I'm not necessecarily suggesting you report them though. I would move out. Once your settled somewhere else with absolute freedom to do what you want you won't regret it. They're probably doing you a favour making your life difficult.

You have to ask to use your own car?? That you pay for?? I'm sorry but they are massive piss takers.

Seriously you need to get out.

Your parents are faced with a 22 year old in their house, who is too afraid to move out.

They are probably trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible for you.

At 22, you should be taking chances, meeting new people, standing on your own two feet.

They are probably a bit alarmed at you hiding at home, waiting for your friends or boyfriend to prop you up.