All freedom gone

[sunlovinlover]

Hey,
I posted awhile back about how my parents have been using my for childcare since I returned home from uni. Long story short, I work from home and they’ll leave the kids with me even when I’m working so they can go out or do whatever. Sometimes they will go on holiday and I’m left to look after a 5 year old and 10 year old for a week. I’m 22 btw. I also do pay them rent.
Anyway there has been a further development in my loss of freedom. My stepdads car was recently written off. A few weeks back when the floods where happening his car was ruined.
While the insurance went through we coped with two cars, mine and my mums. This restricted me a lot and I was told I needed to ask or give them advance notice if I needed to use my car.
This got my back up abit as living at home after uni, my car was my last ounce of freedom. My stepdad used my moms car and my mom began using mine for work, school run etc. (Also she works nights so my car would be gone when I finished work at 6)
This was annoying but fine while the insurance went through. After a few weeks I asked again what was happening. Apparently everything had gone through fine but then they very casually told me they weren’t going to replace the car and we were going to survive on 2 to ‘save money’.
I’m furious. I feel ridiculously trapped. The advice on the last thread was to move out but I’m just too scared to, money worries and all that.
I tried to approach the subject calmly and say that I really feel like my freedom is gone and could we discuss the idea of getting a cheap run around (we had 2 (now 1) Audi 4x4s which I agree a unnecessary. They basically went mental at me and well...I worry that if I stick to this they won’t speak to me. I also don’t want to make their life harder...but I’m 22 and I really really just want to be able to go out when I like...with the car I pay for :(
Arrrgg. Any advice?

You could sell your car and get a motorbike ! Or move out to a house share and get a second job to save money. I agree find somewhere else to work, even if is renting a space in a house. Some people go out to work and rent a room or kitchen out for people to use.

Ground rules. Say you want to be treated as more of a lodger than a family member, therefore you aren't free child care, its YOUR car not there's and you pay your share of the rent and are an adult so they can't argue with it,

Get a bike?

I shared with strangers at your age, it was fine. Most people I know did. I would prefer it to what you're going through. Your family are taking the piss. Even if you have to sell your car, at least you'll be in control.

Do you have to work from home? Can you set up camp somewhere else like a local library? Or try and find a cheap room you can rent to do your work from? That way, you can get out of the house, take your car with you and avoid being the babysitter

OP, why don't you post on Facebook to see if any of your friends are looking for a new flatmate or know someone who is?

Be careful about moving in with students because you could find yourself having to pay a whopping Council tax bill (since they are all exempt).

Living with people you don't know is a brilliant opportunity to make new friends. Meet their friend widening your social group.

Start looking now so that gives you an idea. Sorry but you are being a mug. It won't stop. Why would it. It's not in their interests at all.

@sunlovinlover - my eldest son moved into a shared house when he left university, and has just moved into another one - he had to move because the office he is based at is moving.

He made some great friends in his first shared house, and is just as happy in his new place.

I would strongly advise you to move out from your parents. It doesn't sounds as if they are ever going to stop using you for childcare or using your car as theirs, and you would be so much more independent if you moved out.

I know it is scary, but you will cope - and you will be so much happier.

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived. You are the only one who can change this situation OP and you can do it.

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived. You are the only one who can change this situation OP and you can do it.

I'm sorry Sun, but I don't think this will stop until you move out. Changing ingrained family dynamics is hard enough, especially as a "child", but your parents don't seem to be sympathetic at all, so what chance is there?
You don't have to live entirely on your own if you can't afford it. Even a house share will feel like a liberation after this.

It’s good your car is on finance as you can prove you own it.

Look for a house share with working professionals they will be out all day so you can work in peace.

If your parents keep using you for childcare when you are working your work performance will suffer eventually.

I didn’t tell my dad I was moving out as he would have made my life hell and either not let me take any of my stuff or he would have smashed everything.

When you find a house share I wouldn’t tell you parents as they may try to stop you from moving and make your life hell. Put everything (including all important documents) in the car when your parents aren’t there and move. Text/call them after you have move and you are safe. If they have hysterics put the phone down.

Please move out as your parents are turning you into their unpaid skivvy

Can you stop the home-working and work from an office for a while? If you don't want to row with your parents then you can claim that it's been instigated by your employers? That way you gain an inch of freedom, and that can be done quickly whilst you look for a more appropriate houseshare.

Moving out will probably take you completely out of your comfort zone, but whatever happens, you will handle it -- and you'll be more confident remembering that you refused to let your family mistreat you.

Agree with the advice that you should just leave quietly. You're an adult, you don't need their permission or blessing, and they will probably make things very difficult if they have the opportunity.

YABU to let this situation continue. It's time to move out, OP.

Sorry but there is nothing to stop you moving out. It's what adults do. I never lived in my parents' house again after I left for uni, not even for the summer holidays. Because I was done living in someone else's house, by someone else's rules. I got a job (two or three jobs in the holidays). I rented a room in a shared house, several shared houses. I finished uni, got a full time job, saved money and eventually bought a flat. Took a decade altogether but I wasn't living on beans.

Your friends say they haven't been able to save, but tbh most people just have no idea about budgeting - you can save so much money even with little things like packing your own lunch, having a meal plan, setting a strict spending limit for holidays/weekends. It's about what is important to you. Freedom or convenience. At the moment it sounds like you are enjoying neither, so really what do you have to lose?

Move out. Free car, free child care, £200 per month and they can’t be decent. Fuck that!

I notice that you refer to your Step Dad so I presume the younger siblings are his?

I suspect that he is really the one who is calling the shots here and perhaps he just doesn’t see you as his child but that if you have to be around, you might as well be useful.

It’s Friday tomorrow, pack all your stuff up and leave when your parents are asleep. There is no point in discussing anything with them as they are not reasonable people. As a bonus, you will save paying them July’s rent too.

Ask your boyfriend if you can stay with him for a bit, take all your stuff down to him in the car and find a flat share near him as soon as possible. That way, you won’t feel as pressured about knowing no one in the area.

Keep in touch your Mum and siblings by phone etc but make sure you physically keep away long enough to make your point.

You don’t mention your bio DF. Is he around? Could you stay with him?