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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your top tips for a 16 year old's party - this Saturday!!!

354 replies

loveyouradvice · 28/06/2018 00:10

Hi... I've been so chilled about this... so much else going on from GCSEs to work commitments and sick mother ....

But I've suddenly realised I do have 70-80 teenagers turning up at our house to party on Saturday night...

DD has bought disco lights - a mate has done playlist - we're ordering range of beer and cider (and champagne for midnight when it actually turns into her birthday) with not much to munch on beyond crisps, popcorn and sweets and guacamole/hummous.... we're putting away anything breakable and covering the downstairs loo floor as we've been warned by DD and her mates that it "could get really manky".

She's lined up 4 mates to be the "bouncers" if there is any trouble ..and laughingly said all her male mates are small or tall and gentle but the two girls are pretty feisty!

We have guest list - and I'm allowed to be on the door for the first hour and then instructions to vanish so DH and I will be watching telly upstairs - and occasionally glancing out of window to see what actually is going on!

Oh and she's said we should put a "Private" sign half way up the stairs but be a bit relaxed so that only her closest mates go up to first floor. Luckily we have bizarre outside loo (70s decor!!) as well as inside one so should be enough.

They are basically nice kids... but they are 16 and demob happy after exams! And I know some of them are quite capable of getting slaughtered though DD is pretty moderate in her drinking and feeling very responsible.... but she isn't one of the feisty girls, much gentler.

So..... what are your top tips? What have I missed? What do you wish you had known before hosting teens at home?

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 28/06/2018 00:19

That's a LOT of teenagers.

How big's your garden? Have you warned the neighbours?

Good luck

NC4Now · 28/06/2018 00:20

Sounds great! I’d probably feed them more if it was me. Carby stuff to soak up the booze - pizzas maybe?

BlondeB83 · 28/06/2018 00:20

70-80 teenagers getting drunk in your house?! Rather you than me!!

Top tips! Don’t do it!!

Sparklesocks · 28/06/2018 00:20

I would be nervous - that’s a lot of teens! They can get pretty rowdy - I assume there’s only a little bit of booze each?

LagunaBubbles · 28/06/2018 00:21

80? Are you mad? Unless you live in a mansion obviously!

Chocolatecake12 · 28/06/2018 00:21

70-80 teenagers? Do you have a massive house/garden?
I have a big lounge and my ds has 25 friends for a party age 16. Your party is massive!
So: get them to turn location off on their social media to prevent gate crashers.
You say you’re providing beer/cider and champagne. I would make a fruit punch with the emphasis on it being very low alcohol. Are parents happy that you’re supplying their underage children with alcohol? The seemingly done thing in my ds’s circle is that they bring their own baring in mind most of them can’t buy it so their own parents are supplying their dcs with what they are happy for them to drink.
I would have more food - I ordered pizzas for my ds’s party but that will be expensive for you with such a large crowd.
Do you have an end time? If you’re having champagne at midnight - by which time most will be too drunk to care - what time is the party ending? With no end time kids will fall asleep on your floors and their parents will believe the lie they told earlier that’s it’s a mass sleepover.
I would have a no one upstairs rule. Not even close friends.
By and large most teenagers are ok and will respect your home but there’s always one who will take things too far - be prepared to step in if you feel you need to.
And warn the neighbours.

Sparklesocks · 28/06/2018 00:22

And just keep an eye on the guest list and arrivals - with that many kids they will have definitely told some uninvited friends about it who might try their luck if at a loose end. Teens can practically smell parties..

LagunaBubbles · 28/06/2018 00:22

Nothing wrong with crisps and sweets etc but I wouldn't expect the guacamole and hummus to be touched either!

LagunaBubbles · 28/06/2018 00:25

Seriously though where is everyone going to go? Would it not have been safer hiring a hall?

kyrenialady · 28/06/2018 00:25

70-80 teens? My dd doesn’t know half that amount of people.

Please let your neighbours know some may have an early start.

Have fun!

Original poster
loveyouradvice · 28/06/2018 00:26

Neighbours warned.... and luckily one side is empty at the mo and the others are very relaxed.

It is a lot ... garden is big enough, not huge but cabin at the end which they like hanging out in... and although this is how many she reckons (and I think we should plan for) we may only end up with 40-50.... I don't know how flakey they are at this age especially as quite a lot live 30-50 mins away by public transport, and I reckon so long as her core mates are there, she'll have a good time

Yup ... I am wondering if I am being a little naive... especially about the "bouncer" element.... I would have been happier with a couple of older kids making sure things didnt get out of control, but she doesn't have siblings and is adamant that no one has anyone but siblings (and parents who only appear at the beginning and end!)

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyouradvice · 28/06/2018 00:31

laguna yup... you're probably right - I was suggesting bowls of grapes and other food and DD said they won't get touched... but surely there must be something to absorb the alcohol or do they all eat well before they come??? A mate had humous at hers so DD was quite keen!

We do have a strange house and have recently moved - its big downstairs and small upstairs, so huge open plan kitchen/dining/sitting where they'll have music and booze ... we had about 40 grownups there very easily (though they were just drinking and chatting) .... largish garden and cabin that 20 could hunker down in... so I guess I think they'll be flowing from one area to another...

OP posts:
Original poster
loveyouradvice · 28/06/2018 00:43

Chocolatecake - the gatecrasher element is the one I'm wary of! They've a whatsapp group and I think I'll get her to post on the day that her parents are being super-strict about gatecrashers.... and Ill make sure our mates in the next street (whose DD will be there) are ready to come round if emergency help needed!!

And nope, don't live in a mansion - but it is summer so fine for them to be outside too. And I suspect numbers will shrink on the actual day.... though may not! Guess we just have to be prepared for however it turns out.

I did suggest fruit punch - and luckily DD more savvy than me and pointed out that it's vulnerable to being laced with vodka, which sadly lots of her mates are into.... Wondering if I should follow up on friend's suggested trick of dropping any girls "large bags" as they arrive to see if they clink.... but think I might just get her to mention on Whatsapp and look disapproving on arrival...

And we are buying loads of Coca Cola, Lychee Rubicon, Sprite and something else... If it is this hot, I reckon I should get some plastic jugs and water! Actually maybe bottles of still water, feels less risky.

Beer and cider seem to be the norm at all the parties she's gone to this year so I think that is fine

OP posts:
melodybirds · 28/06/2018 00:44

Definitely food. If something like pizza or chips arrives late on the night it WILL be eaten trust me. It will help soak up the alcohol and most ppl get the munchies.

There won't be enough seats so picnic blankets and cushions outside. Lots of fairy lights around.

Buy lots of fizzy pop too.

They will sneak alcohol in I'm pretty sure btw.

When they arrive I'd make it clear any trouble will be dealt with and there are no second chances. You and dh need to be scary for a night!

Original poster
loveyouradvice · 28/06/2018 01:05

Melody chips a great idea... and pizza... will send DH to get some as lovely cheap place that doesn't deliver round the corner....

Do you think we should have a "friendly young hunk" to keep a gentle eye out... the more I think about it the more I think it would be a good idea... just in case gets out of hand... and surely better to end up with a quiet party for 40 if only half turn up and no need of them, than crazy party of 90+ overflowing with vomitting and who knows what!!!

OP posts:
viques · 28/06/2018 01:06

Are you planning on them all sleeping over , or how will those who won't be getting themselves home? Are any of them driving? How responsible are you feeling over young, possibly drunk kids getting themselves home, either by cab, trying to walk, or driving?

Imknackeredzzz · 28/06/2018 01:21

How will they all be leaving? You may end up with half the guest list sleeping on your floor, are you ok with this?

Also you are technically providing alcohol to underage kids, so you need to be careful about the legalities of this.

Lastly what If they want to start driving mopeds or something home steaming drunk? I appreciate they are old enough to know better- but would you feel any responsibility for making sure they get home safely?

Imknackeredzzz · 28/06/2018 01:23

Sorry pressed send too soon/ these things can get out of control extremely quickly. I would have said hiring a hall would have made far more sense

Imknackeredzzz · 28/06/2018 01:33

I do also think you may have to prepare yourself for finding your downstairs potentially not just a mess but possibly vomited and pissed on. It does happen when you have youngsters and lots of alocohol!

LemonysSnicket · 28/06/2018 02:02

Pizza and leave them alone.

90 kids turned up to my 16th ( mum was t home) she only found out because it was so spotless she knew I wouldn't have cleaned that much.

LemonysSnicket · 28/06/2018 02:07

Oh and many kids who were not invited, turned up. Including drug dealers (teen ones).

I was v able to tell them to fuck off (with a bat) though that depends on DD and her tenacity/ability to appear confident.

LemonysSnicket · 28/06/2018 02:08

I also had my 20yo cousin just on the phone 5 mins away if needed, he wasn't , but felt better knowing Jules and his 0 mates could turn up x

Original poster
loveyouradvice · 28/06/2018 21:10

Yup back up a few minutes away sounds good

None have mopeds so its walking for locals and shared Uber for further afield

9 mates sleeping over and finish time set for 12.30 so will gird our loins for chucking out lingerers at 1.00... and not worried if a couple extra stay.

Huge thanks all - such great advice!

OP posts:
bettytaghetti · 28/06/2018 21:17

70-80? Are you mad woman?! And can you give us a general idea of whereabouts so that those in the vicinity can make plans to be away? Grin

Good luck!!

LolaLilo · 28/06/2018 21:23

We had 40 of DDs friends over for her 17th.

Some smuggled in spirits - I lost count of the empty bottles the next day. Some were so drunk I sent them home early.

The front door was constantly opening and shutting with people going for walks, or shouting or screaming or crying.

One had an asthma attack ( thankfully not serous) but had no inhaler. I took her home, luckily she was a close neighbour.

I had said absolutely no drugs but was surprised how many of her friends smoke cigarettes or vape.

Both downstairs toilets were covered in sick after a couple of hours.

It was stressful but they enjoyed it. Never again for me though.

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