to not contribute to this appeal and potentially embarrass my children?

[SnappedCrackledAndPopped]

School is holding a cake sale and non uniform day for a 'charity appeal' for a terminally ill little girl. The appeal has been featured in local newspaper and radio and they want to raise half a million pounds to go towards seeking alternative therapies abroad and also a memory making Disney family holiday. I'm rather embarrassed to say that I have a few issues with this, due to the following:

The child is terminally ill. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that can be done to save their life or halt progression of this cruel and tragic disease. At best, these quack unproven treatments could only extend their life by a couple of months, at worse it would mean dragging a very sick child half way around the world on several exhausting journeys, which I'm not too sure would be in their best interests.

It is not correct to say this is a charity appeal. It is a crowd funder.

The kids think I'm being unreasonable. I'm ok with donating to one of the charities and foundations that fund research into this disease and I will happily do so. It's just that the crowd funder doesn't sit comfortably with me.

On the other hand I can wholly sympathise with her desperate family and have no idea whether or not I'd do the same in this situation.

Should I just keep my thoughts to myself and ride the wave of love shown to them by our local community, or go with my gut instinct that all this is probably not a very good idea?

Prepared to be told I'm a heartless evil witch.

I think there’s a time and a place to make a point and this isn’t it.

skydiving Apologies, my comment about 'giving them the money and letting them get on with it' was meant in relation to my own kids and the school's event.

also, not always “quack treatments”

How do you know that this child isn't desperate to visit Disneyland?

Let the poor child have their holiday. Their parents will provide suitable things as I don't know say a wheelchair if they become too exhausted

Fair enough op.
I think you need to do just that then.
This is about the community supporting a family who are going through hell, regardless of the rights, wrongs and ethics of it all, they are all debatable.
All you can do is give the money to wish the family well, and giving it in that spirit means you have done no harm.
Choose not to, however noble your intentions may be, and you risk becoming a hate figure and your children being tarnished with the same brush, when it is regarding something so emotive.

I would give the money and tell myself it was paying for the Disney trip.

A child with a terminal illness - parents need support

Lucky you with healthy children - yet you moan about a small contribution ... wow just wow

Paying for=paying towards!

I agree about the medical treatments, but you can’t judge them for doing what they’re doing, heaven forbid you should be in the same situation and you don’t know what you’d do. They’re dealing with it the best they know how, they don’t want to give up hope and the chances are the child will pass before that vast sum of money is raised anyway.

The Disney holiday I’d happily contribute towards. My friend recently lost her child to a terminal illness and those memories are truly and utterly invaluable.

Just give them some money.

It's not proton beam therapy that's being suggested here - that would be no use in this particular situation. It's an awful disease and really does have a nil survival rate.
The family has kept it quite non specific and have mentioned seeking alternative therapies that the NHS doesn't offer in two or three different (named) countries.

Is this a charity the school has arbitrarily decided upon or is this a child at your DCs school?

Completely understand your sentiments re the dubious medical treatments, much less so the holiday. I hate Disney but I'd kick in for that. And to those saying OP would do the same, statistically that is unlikely. The large majority of parents of terminally ill children don't do what these parents are seeking to do.

I think I'd just do the bare minimum needed to avoid any negative attitudes towards my children for not taking part. Perhaps just the own clothes and no cake money. You not participating isn't going to prevent them from attempting this path. As said upthread, if they aren't listening to their doctors they're not going to listen to you. And your small contribution isn't going to make any real difference to their ability to pay for unproven treatment. You aren't going to be helping them act against their child's interests in any meaningful way.

Boulty I'm not moaning about a small contribution, I'm uncomfortable with giving money towards futile 'treatments'. I'd quite willingly donate towards funding bona fide research and clinical trials - there are some foundations set up by parents in this situation that go specifically towards this and also towards funding family holidays.

A girl in Scotland had to crowdfund for treatment in Germany when she relapsed of neuroblastoma 6 years ago, age 11. There was no protocol for relapse then, her family was told to take her to palliative care. The treatment gave her another 6 years, during which she grew into a young woman, went to school, participated in life and sports. There's no way to put a price on this.

Cannot believe anyone wouldn't support that, or have a word with the school about it or be judgey about such a family ever.

It's not a child at my children's school, no. No-one at the school has any connections, it's just been very well publicised in the local media.

I would give for the non-uniform as, in that situation, I would let mine go in non-uniform.
For the cake sale, I'd either donate a cake and have a reason to leave promptly or give them a £1 each to spend.

It would sit uncomfortably with me, like yourself, but not something I would want to go into detail with to the kids in order to explain my position. So I'd keep it minimal.

What the fuck?! What the fuck did I just read?

If you let them pay for -
CIN
RND
Random non uniform days for school benefit

Then you would be a hypocrite of the highest order not to ‘approve’ this.

You think you’ve seen/read it all...

I get your position OP and suspect I would feel similar. However personally I would give the kids the minimum not to embarrass them and keep my trap shut.

The idea that because doctors have sometimes been wrong about prognosis in the past, that means any parent wanting to try any treatment for a child with a terminal diagnosis is in the right is quite worrying.

I’m a parent of a child I lost to cancer.

As a parent of a very sick child you would do anything and I mean ANYTHING to try and save their life. What seems hopeless to you is hope to them. If you don’t have hope, you have nothing.
Unless you are close to them, it’s likely you won’t even know half the story or how things work.
Look at it this way.. you’re paying a few quid to give out hope and a dream.

Each child gets granted a wish from a scheme such as wish upon a star (mine was too sick to get his). Some of these used to include holidays but I’m still in touch with parents going through this and apparently they have clamped down on what each child gets now. If the child could have that holiday what harm is it?

Are you jealous of the attention this family is receiving? If so, I can assure you that it is misguided. Their world is going to collapse forever. You don’t get over losing a child, you just try and find ways to live with it.

A few quid for hope and a special memory. Worth every penny in my book.

MelanieSmooter What's CIN and RND?

Their child will die, they are probably desperate. I know rational, scientific people who have thrown all beliefs out of the window if they thought there was the slightest chance it may give them more time. Your judgement is uncalled for and posting it where even more people can see is insensitive.

@Boffin90

I agree with your position entirely, OP.

But not only should we pick our battles we should pick the arenas too.

The pushback against unscientific, non-evidence based "treatments" should be acheived with public discourse, not singling out a particular child or family.

Buy the cake. And speak to your kids about science.