Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask which one of this women has the most desirable life?

130 replies

pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:06

Just curious :) All are in their 40s.

Woman 1:
Earns 70K, works full time in a fairly flexible job from 8-5. Happy in her marriage, DH has a similar wage and job, 2 kids (13 year old and 15 year old.) Has at least 2 holidays a year, drives a BMW, has a lot of close friends but wished she worked less and had more time to herself.

Woman 2:
SAHM, spends all day at clubs, the gym, walking the dog, baking. DH earns 90K, her children are teens so no childcare involved. Has an amazing life with 2 family holidays a year and goes away with her friends once a year too. Is unhappy as she has a degree and used to earn 60K but wants the lovely life she has but feels bored and is constantly paranoid about her DH as he works away a lot.

I'm not either of them! Asking out of curiosity.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 27/06/2018 16:08

1 .... is be bored shitless if I was number 2

Luglio · 27/06/2018 16:09
  1. No question.
finova · 27/06/2018 16:10

2 I would love that, but with a different husband. I’d probably do some volunteering.

ScreamingValenta · 27/06/2018 16:11

If I had to choose one, it would be woman 1. I don't think I'd want a DH I felt paranoid about, as in the case of woman 2. However, as woman 1. I might look to reduce my working hours somewhat as there would seem to be enough money coming in jointly to allow that.

If I were woman 2. I might get a part time job to alleviate the boredom, and I would certainly look to do something about the paranoia - difficult to say what, without knowing what exactly the basis for this is.

But, woman 1, definitely.

FaFoutis · 27/06/2018 16:11

1

between4and7 · 27/06/2018 16:12
laurG · 27/06/2018 16:12

I’d rather be working. I’d take scenario 2 with young kids but not with teenagers. Plus in scenario two she seems unfulfilled and unhappy.

The working lady could do something to rebalance her work life ratio. It’s harder to get back into work if you have had a long break so I think the second woman is a bit stuck and reliant on her husband.

Kitsandkids · 27/06/2018 16:12

Welll, the grass is always greener and all that but personally I'd rather be woman 2 - I love having loads of time to watch films, go out for lunch, read books, knit etc. But why can't she get a job if she's so unhappy?

formerbabe · 27/06/2018 16:13

I was going to say number two...until you said she's paranoid about her husband. That would take the shine off. I'll choose number one.

Notlivestock · 27/06/2018 16:14

Definitely 1! Most people like the idea of working less in theory but it's not the highest price to pay for your own income, something to keep you interested and occupied and your own life outside the home.

whiteroseredrose · 27/06/2018 16:14

I'd definitely choose to be 2.

Original poster
pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:14

interesting! we were discussing this in our friend group and nearly everyone said woman 2. To be fair, that's probably because the majority of them are wealthy, sahms who admit they're upset with their situation but love the lifestyle.

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/06/2018 16:15

1

halfwitpicker · 27/06/2018 16:15

1 really.

Original poster
pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:16

She's been reliant on her husband for years and hasn't worked since her eldest was born back in the early 2000s. Also, she's hinted that her husband likes her being a sahm.

OP posts:
Elementtree · 27/06/2018 16:16

Why does woman 2 worry about her husband being faithful because he works away?

Presuming this is some sliding doors scenario, are you suggesting that woman 1 is too busy to worry or too secure to worry? Or, are you suggesting that woman 2 is more vulnerable to worrying on account of the nature of being a sahm or because she is more financially vulnerable if he cheats?

Albertschair · 27/06/2018 16:16

Number 1 has more choices. Sabbatical year. Reduce hours etc. Also has more money as a family (would probably have more money than if family 2 sole earner earnt 140k due to the way tax works)

Woman 1 is happy in her marriage. Woman 2 is paranoid. I'd rather be happy in my marriage than have all the time in the world to myself

Original poster
pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:16

whiterose just wondering why? you seem to be going against the crowd Grin

OP posts:
stopgap · 27/06/2018 16:17

In between the two, which is where I am. I work very part-time, but my children are also much younger (one doesn’t start school for another year) so it’s a little different.

Unless life took a turn for the worse, I have no desire to return to full-time work in the conventional, office-based sense. I’d consider starting my own business, but right now I am content with being able to go to the gym daily, walk my dogs, volunteer at school, work on my novel (I am a former copywriter, with a good literary agent, so consider it a viable venture), read a ton, and have plenty of time for seeing friends.

Winchester13 · 27/06/2018 16:17

I would love to be 2 at the moment because my daughter is only 4 but when she is older definetly 1

SlothSlothSloth · 27/06/2018 16:17

I would rather be woman 1 as she has more options and will have savings and a pension of her own. She could find a less time-consuming job if she wanted to, whereas woman 2 has been out of the labour market for so long that she would struggle to get back to work. Also, woman 2 is completely dependent on her husband and I could never live like that - even without the paranoia.

AmazingPostVoices · 27/06/2018 16:17

It’s a weird question. There’s more to a “desirable life” than working or not working.

From your description person 2 isn’t very happy and is financially vulnerable. Presumably she could change her life if she chose to.

WeirdScenesInsideTheGoldmine · 27/06/2018 16:18

I AM no2 without the paranoia- my husband is wonderful and we’re very happy.

But because he’s away slot I can’t realky work, we live far away from business locations without a big commute and I AM BORED SHITLESS

SunnyCoco · 27/06/2018 16:18

2 no question!

BarbedBloom · 27/06/2018 16:19

2 for me, though I might get a part time job to allow for some savings. I would happily never work again though