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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask which one of this women has the most desirable life?

130 replies

pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:06

Just curious :) All are in their 40s.

Woman 1:
Earns 70K, works full time in a fairly flexible job from 8-5. Happy in her marriage, DH has a similar wage and job, 2 kids (13 year old and 15 year old.) Has at least 2 holidays a year, drives a BMW, has a lot of close friends but wished she worked less and had more time to herself.

Woman 2:
SAHM, spends all day at clubs, the gym, walking the dog, baking. DH earns 90K, her children are teens so no childcare involved. Has an amazing life with 2 family holidays a year and goes away with her friends once a year too. Is unhappy as she has a degree and used to earn 60K but wants the lovely life she has but feels bored and is constantly paranoid about her DH as he works away a lot.

I'm not either of them! Asking out of curiosity.

OP posts:
BestBeforeYesterday · 27/06/2018 16:23

I think your question is slightly unbalanced. Woman 2's DH earns 90k a year, which is only 20k more than woman 1 earns, not taking into account her husband. So woman 1 is probably at least a wealthy, if not wealthier, but seems happier. Who would choose woman 2?!

FaFoutis · 27/06/2018 16:23

2 has no purpose, I would hate that.
If 2 used her time to do something creative rather than the gym I might be persuaded.

blackteasplease · 27/06/2018 16:24

1!

Poor 2 feeling so paranoid all the time

Chocolate1984 · 27/06/2018 16:25

Why would they wan to be the one who is bored & paranoid?

Original poster
pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:25

I agree, yesterday it's an actual woman so I didn't make up the figures.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 27/06/2018 16:26

Pancakes I loved being a SAHM and being able to choose what I wanted to do every day. The whole household was at its happiest then too. I kept everything calm and organised and had plenty of me time too.

I've had a multitude of jobs including a very well paid career before DC but nothing that I wouldn't drop like a hot brick given a chance. Sadly DC are about to go to university so I had to go back to being a wage slave!

Original poster
pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:26

No clue chocolate I think some people would prefer to have an easier life although I would always put myself first and not be woman 2 as the paranoia would kill me.

OP posts:
Original poster
pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:27

That's lovely whiterose but woman 2 isn't that. She is lovely and has those things but is paranoid and bored! Also, what about your husband having his 'me' time.

OP posts:
Icklepickle101 · 27/06/2018 16:28

In an ideal world I’d be 2 and get a part time job I loved. If that wasn’t a choice I’d want to be 1

KellyanneConway · 27/06/2018 16:28

1, she has a nice lifestyle but also financial freedom and independence which is crucial to me and a key part of my identity.

HollowTalk · 27/06/2018 16:29

I think no 2 has a horrible life! Paranoia overwhelms you and she hasn't any options re work.

No 1's life will be immeasurably easier once her children are 18 - I would assume they'd be going off on a gap year or to university. That's when she can start to relax.

SilverySurfer · 27/06/2018 16:29

No. 1 no contest - wouldn't most intelligent women?

SPARKS17 · 27/06/2018 16:31

1 but I would 100% go part time if I was her and the job allowed.

TammySwansonTwo · 27/06/2018 16:33

I honestly feel like I’ve gotten past the indoctrination of my youth that careers are fulfilling. I’m sure some careers are, I had a lucrative and exciting (from the outside) one but fundamentally I was just a tool for making other people lots of money. Society relies on the conditioning that we are fulfilled by work.

If when my kids are older I’m fortunate enough to be able to go back to sporadic self employment, I’ll find my fulfilment through volunteering and further study, not working my arse off and missing out on being with my kids to line someone else’s pockets.

Id never be happy in a marriage where I didn’t trust my DH though.

happypoobum · 27/06/2018 16:33

Definitely 1.

I would hate to be woman 2 as she doesn't trust her husband.

ShapelyBingoWing · 27/06/2018 16:33

Woman 1. Without a doubt.

I've had the unstructured freedom of woman 2 and it drove me insane. Small things became massive in my head and I was really unhappy. And that's without a DH to get paranoid about.

whiteroseredrose · 27/06/2018 16:35

Hi pancakes. I suppose the difference was that my DH didn't travel. His 'me time' was at the weekend and evenings. I had everything covered so he could just relax. Now we both have to do chores at the weekend plus cooking when we get home. 😢

SlothSlothSloth · 27/06/2018 16:36

Thinking about it more, I don’t think Woman 2 has a desirable life at all, but an actively bleak one. Her kids will soon be grown and she will be utterly without purpose, without even the chance of going back to work. Then she has decades of nothingness ahead until her husband retires and starts spending more time with her (and sharing his pension) - IF he’s still around by then, which seems like a very big if! Best case scenario is years of boredom, worst case is going into old age with no financial security at all...

user09876543211234567890 · 27/06/2018 16:36

Well if I was in woman 2's situation I wouldn't be bored or paranoid - I trust my husband and I'd KILL (not really) to not have to work.

I'd go on loads of different courses (mostly creative) and learn to make stuff, I'd have lovely coffees and lunches and walks with friends, I'd get fit, I'd have time to plan healthy meals too so I'd be gorgeous and skinny and toned. If I could fit it in I'd do some volunteering. I'd be well rested and listen more to my kids and have time to fill in all their bastarding forms for scouts activities.

Who the hell would choose to work when the other option is not to work?! Time is the most precious resource available to us and work eats it all up!

Please someone put me in a life changing machine and give me the rich husband so I can be a SAHM.

sociopathsunited · 27/06/2018 16:38

Number 2 sounds appealing but without some sort of structure, I'd end up doing absolutely nothing with my life. So Number 2, but self-employed in my creative field (bridal alterations) with the financial freedom to tell the occasional uppity bride that I get to take their wedding dress and shove them where the sun doesn't shine....

arethereanyleftatall · 27/06/2018 16:39

Since you've put 1 is happy, 2 is not, you are obviously going to get answers saying 1 is more desirable.
If you'd left out the emotions, I'd be happier being 2.

Trinity66 · 27/06/2018 16:39

1 I would hate to be financially dependent on anyone

SlothSlothSloth · 27/06/2018 16:40

I honestly feel like I’ve gotten past the indoctrination of my youth that careers are fulfilling. I’m sure some careers are, I had a lucrative and exciting (from the outside) one but fundamentally I was just a tool for making other people lots of money. Society relies on the conditioning that we are fulfilled by work.

Totally agree - only a lucky few get a truly fulfilling career. But pissing about at the gym or whatever all day isn’t fulfilling either. Having time to yourself is very fulfilling but ONLY for those who have strong interests that fill the time.

Knowing you are not dependent on someone else is fulfilling, too. That’s far more important than the work itself to me.

SocksRock · 27/06/2018 16:41

I'd be number 1 in a heartbeat, but try and negotiate a shorter working week - even a 9 day fortnight would give her some time?

I couldn't be totally dependent on anyone. A friend of mine is currently discovering the hard way what happens if you are and it goes wrong...

whiteroseredrose · 27/06/2018 16:42

Why would she be without purpose sloth? Do you only have a purpose if you have paid employment?

Does that mean people should never retire? All of the pensioners I know are having the time of their lives quote 'I don't know how I ever had time to work'!