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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask which one of this women has the most desirable life?

130 replies

pancakesarebetterthanwaffles · 27/06/2018 16:06

Just curious :) All are in their 40s.

Woman 1:
Earns 70K, works full time in a fairly flexible job from 8-5. Happy in her marriage, DH has a similar wage and job, 2 kids (13 year old and 15 year old.) Has at least 2 holidays a year, drives a BMW, has a lot of close friends but wished she worked less and had more time to herself.

Woman 2:
SAHM, spends all day at clubs, the gym, walking the dog, baking. DH earns 90K, her children are teens so no childcare involved. Has an amazing life with 2 family holidays a year and goes away with her friends once a year too. Is unhappy as she has a degree and used to earn 60K but wants the lovely life she has but feels bored and is constantly paranoid about her DH as he works away a lot.

I'm not either of them! Asking out of curiosity.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2018 16:44

I am kind of no 2. But don’t do the nice stuff as I’m chronically ill. My days are spent on appointments but not really ones I would choose I’d i was in good health.

If I had a choice and my health, I would be no 2 and start a business. Getting a job doesn’t appeal because of my health issues and if I were well I wouldn’t be fulfilled staying at home.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 27/06/2018 16:44

1 without a doubt

Birdsgottafly · 27/06/2018 16:44

I was in a similar position to 2, except I wasn't paranoid about my DH.

It was bliss, so it would be 2. I would start planning for the future, though, which may include part time work, or Voluntary work.

SlothSlothSloth · 27/06/2018 16:45

But white, the post makes it clear she feels purposeless. Other people might not, depending on their interests. For example if you make art or music or are writing a novel or make clothes etc, Woman 2’s life might work for you (though the financial dependency combined with the paranoia would still be misery-inducing). She sounds like the wrong person for this kind of life.

whiteroseredrose · 27/06/2018 16:45

And to quote my sage old gran 'on their deathbed people rarely wish they'd spent more time at work'.

To be fair I wouldn't want 2's life if I had to go to the gym!!

Panicmode1 · 27/06/2018 16:45

I'm number two albeit that our household income is significantly higher and we have more children. I used to work FT, and earn 6 figures but gave it up after my fourth child was born. I loved being a SAHM and being at home for the children but once they were all in school felt a bit restless so I have recently returned to a small, two day a week part time job, which pays me peanuts compared to my previous professional salary. I love the balance that I have - a lot of family/dog walking/hobby time but also have some financial independence. I trust my DH 100% though so in your scenario, I'd rather be 1.

LoveInTokyo · 27/06/2018 16:46

Definitely 1

Pippylou · 27/06/2018 16:47

I'm nearer No 2 but no kids...DH away a fair bit but no worries there.

However, I wouldn't put up with the dodgy DH worries and I'd sort out stuff to do...structure, purpose and community, required, job or no job.

Couldn't do 1 either, perfectly bright but struggle to fit in and cope with corporate life.

missbattenburg · 27/06/2018 16:47

Woman 1: but take cheaper holidays and drive a cheaper car than a BMW and work less hours. Simples Grin

The only things I would value about Woman 2's life (as far as I see it) is not having to get up early and getting time to walk the dog during the day. The rest sounds miserable, to me.

ApolloniaC · 27/06/2018 16:48

Working out, yoga, martial arts can be very fulfilling actually! Not everyone gets off on 'creativity'!!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 27/06/2018 16:48

These are not really 'equal but different' options. No one is going to choose 2 as their ideal, when it means being in a relationship with no trust or feeling dissatisfied with not having a career. 1 has a better life because her relationship is happy and secure, she is happy in her work and would just like a bit more free time.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/06/2018 16:48

I'm number 2, except a higher salary, a little job, and except I'm extremely happy. It's bliss.

Beebuzzbee · 27/06/2018 16:49

If number 2 was happy, I'd most certainly rather be her. Boredom can be resolved!
However as she seems unhappy, I would choose to be number 1

Helmetbymidnight · 27/06/2018 16:50

You used ‘amazing life’ for number two, not number one!

I’d say being paranoid your dh will cheat is not amazing.

misskatamari · 27/06/2018 16:50

I'm a sahm at the moment, and I enjoy it. Kids are preschool tho, and we're skint, so I definitely want to work when they're bigger. Out of your two examples I'd want somewhere in the middle really, but if pushed would go for 1, as would rather be happy in a job I enjoy, as opposed to bored and feeling insecure

ApolloniaC · 27/06/2018 16:51

I'm number 2 also. Except he earns more, our kids our younger, he isn't away much, and I trust him wholeheartedly. I won't be rushing back to my minimum wage job when my kids start school either.

Helmetbymidnight · 27/06/2018 16:52

And to quote my sage old gran 'on their deathbed people rarely wish they'd spent more time at work

I think that’s a little simplistic.

My dad was quite sad he hadn’t been a ‘success’- and that financially had nothing to pass on.

sockunicorn · 27/06/2018 16:53

i am a SAHM, no money worries as DH has high salary, 5+ holidays a year plus lots of weekends away to theme parks etc. i spend my days at the gym or doing school or activity runs. I meet friends for coffee and lunch daily.

.......and I would love number 1 :)

whiteroseredrose · 27/06/2018 16:54

I suppose she feels purposeless but I wouldn't in her position!

So 1 doesn't have enough time to do what she'd like and 2 doesn't know what to do with herself. So neither are in a great position.

(Too many of my family have died before they got to retirement age so never got that time to themselves).

SlothSlothSloth · 27/06/2018 16:54

Working out, yoga, martial arts can be very fulfilling actually! Not everyone gets off on 'creativity'!!

Of course physical activity can be very fulfilling. But it doesn’t seem like woman 2 is finding it fulfilling enough for her...

In truth neither is who I would want to be. I don’t value work for work’s sake and I don’t care about having a very high income. But being woman 1 leaves more options for shifting things around and creating a more balanced life.

UpstartCrow · 27/06/2018 16:56

2 has more options.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/06/2018 16:58

Either would be fine for me, since they both involve significantly more cash than I now have!

Helmetbymidnight · 27/06/2018 16:59

They do both sound pretty privileged - plenty of cash and no big caring responsibilities. Niiiice!

WallisWindsor · 27/06/2018 16:59

None of them.

Johnnyfinland · 27/06/2018 17:02

Definitely 1. Personally I'm fulfilled by the the recognition I can get through working (in my particular career) and I wouldn't get that same recognition if I just did it as a hobby. It would feel pointless to me to sit around all day writing a blog or a novel for fun when I could write stuff I'm paid for and has my name on in the public domain. So there is an element of vanity but I disagree that people aren't fulfilled by work

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