to ask which one of this women has the most desirable life?

[pancakesarebetterthanwaffles]

Just curious :) All are in their 40s.

Woman 1:
Earns 70K, works full time in a fairly flexible job from 8-5. Happy in her marriage, DH has a similar wage and job, 2 kids (13 year old and 15 year old.) Has at least 2 holidays a year, drives a BMW, has a lot of close friends but wished she worked less and had more time to herself.

Woman 2:
SAHM, spends all day at clubs, the gym, walking the dog, baking. DH earns 90K, her children are teens so no childcare involved. Has an amazing life with 2 family holidays a year and goes away with her friends once a year too. Is unhappy as she has a degree and used to earn 60K but wants the lovely life she has but feels bored and is constantly paranoid about her DH as he works away a lot.

I'm not either of them! Asking out of curiosity.

1. I'd probably have to start a PhD out of sheer boredom if I were woman 2.

Also, it's not really paranoia. I work with lots of men like woman 2's husband. And a significant minority of them end up meeting a woman who 'just gets them' in a work context and falling head over heels. Most of them never leave, of course, but they're unfaithful nonetheless - if not physically then emotionally. I put it down to these couples not really having a shared understanding of how they experience life at large (different pressures, constraints, concerns, ...)

The thing is, woman 2 will still be paranoid about her DH even if she goes back to work, she won’t be financially vulnerable though.

I’ve been both women. I wasn’t stressed or miserable as a WOHM and I wasn’t bored or paranoid as a SAHM.

You take who you are into any situation, it’s up to you to make the best of your own life.

Woman 2 could find ways not to be bored and she could find ways not to be financially vulnerable.

1 if I could then reduce my work hours in return for dropping one of the holidays.

I lost my career after my 2nd was born and haven't really got back to earning properly; so (1) would be my aspiration.

What car does number 2 drive?

They both sound like good lives. I’d choose 1 but 2 doesn’t sound too torturous either 😆

1

1 no question

Let me add an example

Woman A has recently lost three stone, is a thin size zero, tall and long blonde hair. She is 27 years old.

Woman B says "Oh you're so lucky, I wish I was as thin as you, your hair is so perfect, I'm so jealous"

Woman A smiles politely. She is a year into cancer treatment and sitting down because she is too weak to stand up. She has thrown up about 20 times that day already from sipping only water and had to crawl back home, literally, after being made radioactive for the countless time. She is happy and smiling because life is short and there is always something to be happy about.

Yes I am one of these woman!

Envy is so wrong people, so misplaced and so wrong:) You never know what's going on behind closed doors.

Oh and also, BMWs are crap when it snows.

Not that I'm getting involved in the superficial comparisons, but seriously, ice driving with those things:)

I would happily be Woman 2 and would never be bored. I have a tonne of interests I have no time for.

I’m women2 in as much as husband is never here but I work part time and am still run ragged!

I'm closer to no 2, without the dissatisfaction and paranoia fortunately.

I didn't use to define myself as "Jane, the xxx" whatever the job title was, when I was working. I refuse to accept that I'm a lesser person because I don't have a paying job title. Work is not the only definition of a person, despite our society's best efforts to quantify and place a ££ on each person.

I can't turn back time and resume my pre-SAHM career. Yes I am financially vulnerable / dependant, and the cost of that was my time and effort in child raising and I don't regret having been at home with my kids.

Personally I couldn't work and raise young children, so well done to Woman no 1 for managing it all. Woman no 2 should find something fulfilling to do before she feels life has passed her by.

1. Any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I found working very difficult indeed so the non-working scenario jumped out at me!

Woman 2 because:
1, why work if you don't need to.
2, she's outside with her dogs everyday.

No 2 with lovely husband and add on some volunteering/sitting on a board etc.

No 2 could work if she wanted but chooses not to, probably because she enjoys her life and who wouldn't, sounds like a holiday with no dc!

I've been both -- when I was like the No.1 woman life was very busy and stressful although I earned lots and we had great holidays with our only DC.
I gave up work and took (very) early retirement with a good payout and occupational pension.

Without a doubt life is much better now - we have a little less money but I spend far less (it is amazing what going to work actually COSTS - fares, lunches, cofffees, bored-lunchtime-shopping, taxis - because I could afford it - plus higher rate taxation) so in reality we seem to have much the same amount to spend.
Now I'm more like woman no.2 - I swim nearly every day and have made friends at the leisure club, have coffee or lunch with them a few times a week, I also took painting and language classes. I wouldn't go back to work if you paid me -- life is short and I want to enjoy it to the full. I was a wage slave for 30 years and that was enough.

Someone i know had the home counties house, hubby on 100k salary, 2 kids under 5 that she doesn't enjoy looking after, gym, spa days, jewelry, good job etc was unhappy

They emigrated to a wonderful country, doesn't have to work, still doesn't enjoy looking after her kids....she is still unhappy

Number 1 could be facing a horrible future. She sounds lazy and purposeless - no work, no childcare, no voluntary work or giving back to the community. No wonder she's paranoid about her DH - he might well pack her in and find someone with more get up and go. And then, considering she has no dependent children, a judge will quite rightly not give her alimony and she'll be whinging in the Daily Mail about having to work in a supermarket and it being beneath her.
If you were rich enough not to have to do paid work and were happy to live off your husband, wouldn't you at least want to do some voluntary work to contribute to society and keep your skills up?? What a drain it would be to have a partner of either gender who had no ambitions beyond going to the gym and looking nice.

Your situation is different though, Tartyflette. You did your time, you've earned your retirement. And presumably you are not reliant on your husband still bringing in a salary to pay for your lifestyle.

I'd rather be woman 1.
Why doesn't woman 2 get a job?

Neither! If I had to choose I'd choose 2

1 but neither are exactly hard done to!

1 I guess purely because £90k a year seems a bit low.

Oh and attending clubs sounds like hell to me.

See your point, Lovein, DH is also retired now (although I retired first!).
During our careers there were times when I supported him financially and times when he supported me.
Neither of us felt 'kept' by the other. But if woman 2 is unhappy she needs to sort out exactly what her priorities are.
If her feelings of self-worth are more tied up with what she does rather than who she is then perhaps she should go back to work.

1 I guess purely because £90k a year seems a bit low.

Oh, Mumsnet. You do make me laugh.